My partners never care about my feelings

[Anonymous]

So instead of talking to him first you just ignored him for 2 days? That's incredibly immature. You need to take some responsibility for the dynamics you're creating and work on yourself. You're not ready for relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had a big fight with my boyfriend. It’s our first fight. We went to an event a few days ago and I felt like he was flirting at it and it upset me. I shutdown for two days. And then reached out to say what bothered me. He was furious with me and said it was not ok that I didn’t talk for two days. I’m open to talking about how we fight in the future and what the parameters are.

During the fight I wanted him to pause and just listen to me and understand how his behavior made me feel insecure and humiliated. But he just didn’t have bandwidth to care about my feelings.

This scenario is familiar to me from my past. In the heat of a disagreement my partners can never show up for me and say I hear you, I’m sorry. Am I expecting too much?

It sounds like you also didn't pause and listen to him about your behavior and ignored his feelings.

[Anonymous]

Not talking for 2 days is childish. Grow up. Get therapy. Work on yourself. Dump this guy and stay single for a while.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? This sounds like it was written by a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Insecurity is very unattractive. Maybe he was flirting, then again maybe he was being social and you aren't secure enough to deal with it. Sounds like you want to control him and you use guilt and pouting to try and gain that control. No one has the patience for that.

[Anonymous]

Describe the flirting please. Was he talking or dancing with other women, not introducing you, touching women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just had a big fight with my boyfriend. It’s our first fight. We went to an event a few days ago and I felt like he was flirting at it and it upset me. I shutdown for two days. And then reached out to say what bothered me. He was furious with me and said it was not ok that I didn’t talk for two days. I’m open to talking about how we fight in the future and what the parameters are.

During the fight I wanted him to pause and just listen to me and understand how his behavior made me feel insecure and humiliated. But he just didn’t have bandwidth to care about my feelings.

This scenario is familiar to me from my past. In the heat of a disagreement my partners can never show up for me and say I hear you, I’m sorry. Am I expecting too much?

If its a pattern then you are the common link here. Evaluate your behavior.

[Anonymous]

Feeling insecure and using silent treatment isn't a healthy way of solving a problem. You can benefit from therapy.

[Anonymous]

He flirts with others, you have insecurities and you two don't know how to communicate and resolve issues. If you have options move on. If he is flirting in your presence while you are dating, what would he do after marriage and how would you give silent treatment with a kid and a dog running around and kitchen sink broken?

[Anonymous]

The silent treatment is emotional abuse. You should seek therapy to deal with your issues.

[Anonymous]

Was he flirting or is he an extroverted, charismatic person?

Are you sure he was actually hitting on women with you present?

If he was actively hitting on other women with you present, why would you give him another chance at all?

And there is no need for a fight - when it happens, you bring up what you observed and ask for his perspective. You don't attack or accuse based on your interpretation. Your feelings don't necessarily mean he did anything wrong. He isn't responsible for your feelings. He did care about your feelings which is why he reached out to ask what was bothering you. Just like you aren't responsible for his feelings about you or his fury. You can ask him about it, but his feelings are his own responsibility, as are yours.

And silent treatment and going dark is very manipulative behavior.

[Anonymous]

If the way you acted is typical then I can see how prior relationships may have played out the same way.
Freezing him out for 2 days then expecting him to listen and cater to your feelings...what about his? He is justified in feeling angry and hurt.

[Anonymous]

I think you are the emotionally immature one and this is something you need to work through in therapy. I don't feel like others should care about my feelings. It's not on them to make me happy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He was definitely flirting. In terms of not icing out, what would have been a better way to handle this? “Hey. Your flirting tonight upset me. I’m gonna take a few days to myself. I’ll reach out on Monday.” Something like that?

Yes, address it. Silent treatment is NEVER ok, and can be abusive, and absolutely quickly deteriorates a relationship.

[Anonymous]

You should move on. I've dated a couple of the flirty guy types and tried to express how it upset me and have them change. They don't change. Y'all are not a good fit.

But your reaction. - silent treatment / ghosting - was not appropriate. The fact that you don't realize that the silent treatment is not ok is a red flag that means people should not date you, either.