How would you handle this (situation with friend’s mom)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eighth grade is pretty much the last year you can ask the school for help with this kind of drama. Larla and your DD need a school counselor (a non-parental neutral) to sit them down and see if they can work through this. Call Larla’s Mom only to see if she would help facilitate such a thing.

This. Reach out to the school - you might get a completely different version of this story.

Also bold move from Larla's mom to reach out to you.

[Anonymous]

I might get my daughter counseling to navigate this. The school counselor might help with both of them or could make it worse. A personal therapist could give her strategies and guide you and how to support.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it. Make sure DD has friends outside of school and through other activities. I consistently tell my 8th grader, "It costs nothing for you to be civil. Be civil." Groups splinter in middle school. As long as your child's personal health and safety are not in danger, do not engage.

[Anonymous]

stay out of it you dweeb. JFC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that this is a long read but looking for advice.

DD is currently in 8th grade. When she started at her middle school in 6th, she became friends with a group of 6-8 girls and they had all been pretty close. There had been some minor drama but nothing too crazy until this year.

In October, one of the girls (let’s call her Larla) had a falling out with my DD and a couple of the other girls, but has since made up with all of the others except my DD. My DD says she was not the instigator of the drama but was equally involved as the others (including Larla), so she doesn’t understand why Larla is still upset with her and no one else. My DD has tried to ask Larla what she did wrong and has apologized several times even though she says she has no clue what she could have done, but Larla will not accept her apologies and it has created a lot of tension in their friend group.

About 3 weeks ago Larla’s mom asked to talk (I don’t know her well but always thought she seemed nice/fine). She told me that Larla has been very upset because my DD won’t let it go that Larla doesn’t want to be her friend and is being mean and confrontational at school, which has given her anxiety. Additionally she said that my DD keeps trying to turn everyone in the friend group against Larla which is unacceptable. I didn’t say much during the conversation because I was caught off guard a bit, but said I will talk to my DD to see what she has to say.

I spoke to my DD and of course got a different side of the story. She did admit that she has been in the wrong, but also shared examples of what Larla has been doing that are equally bad so she is not the only one to blame. I told her to just not speak to Larla or engage with her a little while to let everything blow over, and to not talk about her with friends because it’s putting them in a different situation and it seems like some people are playing both sides, which is making the whole situation worse.

The problem is that my DD has been ignoring Larla completely for a few weeks now, but Larla continues giving my DD dirty looks anytime she sees her, is constantly turning to friends and whispering when she enters the room while looking at my DD, and talking about her behind her back to others - my DD says a couple friends have been telling her that Larla keeps telling them not to be friends with my DD anymore.

So my question is - do I just stay out of this completely or do I go back to the other mom and say that I did my part to get my DD to leave her alone and now she needs to do her part as well? I know the mom believes her DD has done nothing wrong so I probably won’t be able to change her mind on that. Is there anything else I can tell my DD to do since she is getting very frustrated that she can’t react or call Larla out.

And for the record, I never would have reached out to another parent over something like this, but since she did reach out to me I don’t like her thinking that her daughter is the victim here and mine is so horrible.

Anyone else remember someone posting this almost exact thread a month or so ago? Is it just the same post copied here new?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry that this is a long read but looking for advice.

DD is currently in 8th grade. When she started at her middle school in 6th, she became friends with a group of 6-8 girls and they had all been pretty close. There had been some minor drama but nothing too crazy until this year.

In October, one of the girls (let’s call her Larla) had a falling out with my DD and a couple of the other girls, but has since made up with all of the others except my DD. My DD says she was not the instigator of the drama but was equally involved as the others (including Larla), so she doesn’t understand why Larla is still upset with her and no one else. My DD has tried to ask Larla what she did wrong and has apologized several times even though she says she has no clue what she could have done, but Larla will not accept her apologies and it has created a lot of tension in their friend group.

About 3 weeks ago Larla’s mom asked to talk (I don’t know her well but always thought she seemed nice/fine). She told me that Larla has been very upset because my DD won’t let it go that Larla doesn’t want to be her friend and is being mean and confrontational at school, which has given her anxiety. Additionally she said that my DD keeps trying to turn everyone in the friend group against Larla which is unacceptable. I didn’t say much during the conversation because I was caught off guard a bit, but said I will talk to my DD to see what she has to say.

I spoke to my DD and of course got a different side of the story. She did admit that she has been in the wrong, but also shared examples of what Larla has been doing that are equally bad so she is not the only one to blame. I told her to just not speak to Larla or engage with her a little while to let everything blow over, and to not talk about her with friends because it’s putting them in a different situation and it seems like some people are playing both sides, which is making the whole situation worse.

The problem is that my DD has been ignoring Larla completely for a few weeks now, but Larla continues giving my DD dirty looks anytime she sees her, is constantly turning to friends and whispering when she enters the room while looking at my DD, and talking about her behind her back to others - my DD says a couple friends have been telling her that Larla keeps telling them not to be friends with my DD anymore.

So my question is - do I just stay out of this completely or do I go back to the other mom and say that I did my part to get my DD to leave her alone and now she needs to do her part as well? I know the mom believes her DD has done nothing wrong so I probably won’t be able to change her mind on that. Is there anything else I can tell my DD to do since she is getting very frustrated that she can’t react or call Larla out.

And for the record, I never would have reached out to another parent over something like this, but since she did reach out to me I don’t like her thinking that her daughter is the victim here and mine is so horrible.

Anyone else remember someone posting this almost exact thread a month or so ago? Is it just the same post copied here new?

Yes except it was lunch and 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Same story same weirdo

[Anonymous]

Since the other girl is moving on slowly with new friends, the OPs daughter can wait it out. If things escalate re-visit the problem.

[Anonymous]

The moms who it never crosses their mind their daughter is part of the dynamic and who assume their daughter is giving them the full picture…stay far far away.

They are crazy town and it will go nowhere. Stay out of it OP. Sorry you’re dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has happened with the other 6 girls in the group. Are they still friends with both Larla and your DD. Are they now split into two groups and had to take sides? Do they all still hangout together if your DD is avoiding Larla?

The friend group is a pretty good barometer. They know both of them and see them day in and day out. Kids by 8th grade know who is the problem. If the friend group has gravitated towards your DD, then they know Larla is just stirring up stuff, if its the opposite then your DD is the problem. If they split in half, they are just over the drama and picked sides.

This is OP. The group is pretty much all still friends, which makes it really hard for everyone else to be in the middle of this. Larla also has made some other friends outside of this group from what I have been told. For example, my DD says Larla eats at a different lunch table now sometimes whereas before they all ate together every day. There are a couple girls who seem to be on my DD’s side and said they have texts they would be willing to share to show it’s not only my DD being mean to her, but I really don’t want to put them in the middle of this.

Wow you know way too much OP

The problem is your kid.

My oldest was L and your kid is a twat who was a mean girl.

Stay out of it

Stop bringing the other girls into it too

What are you in middle school??

You create a brat and gossiping twat

[Anonymous]

Bold move on the part of the other mom. But perhaps reach out to the school to see if they can provide any color. Personally, parents getting involved at this age unless it is a serious serious problem (bullying, depression, abuse, drugs etc.) is ridiculous if you don't know them well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What has happened with the other 6 girls in the group. Are they still friends with both Larla and your DD. Are they now split into two groups and had to take sides? Do they all still hangout together if your DD is avoiding Larla?

The friend group is a pretty good barometer. They know both of them and see them day in and day out. Kids by 8th grade know who is the problem. If the friend group has gravitated towards your DD, then they know Larla is just stirring up stuff, if its the opposite then your DD is the problem. If they split in half, they are just over the drama and picked sides.

This is OP. The group is pretty much all still friends, which makes it really hard for everyone else to be in the middle of this. Larla also has made some other friends outside of this group from what I have been told. For example, my DD says Larla eats at a different lunch table now sometimes whereas before they all ate together every day. There are a couple girls who seem to be on my DD’s side and said they have texts they would be willing to share to show it’s not only my DD being mean to her, but I really don’t want to put them in the middle of this.

Wow you know way too much OP

The problem is your kid.

My oldest was L and your kid is a twat who was a mean girl.

Stay out of it

Stop bringing the other girls into it too

What are you in middle school??

You create a brat and gossiping twat

I am not the OP but the PP who just commented on the type of mom who thinks it’s never their kid. They are angry and lack any self-control or self-awareness (for example calling children twats). They are irrational and over involved and fill their kid’s head with the same crap that is in their head. And the whole time they think they are the victim and in the right.

OP didn’t start this the other mother approached her, btw. She never wanted to be in it.