Did your parent or parents move to the area from somewhere else just to be closer to the grandkids?

[Anonymous]

They decided to retire in my dad's hometown, which is in a very rural area of VA about 90 minutes from us. So, we see them frequently - we will go spend the weekend there (it's lovely and quiet) or they come here to help out quite a bit.

It's perfect, but I have felt guilty because their lives kind of revolve around our needs. For example, my mom doesn't like to plan a lot of stuff in case we need her at the last minute, etc. But, they seem happy - they worked and were social butterflies for a long time and they seem truly happy to be such an integral part of our lives and especially my kids' lives (their only grandchildren, and probably all the grandchildren they will have given it is very unlikely at this point my sibling will have kids). They do have friends and other activities, but we are a big part of their lives now.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else thinking we could start a group for all the grandparents that move here? They could get together, network, hang out and build friends...

[Anonymous]

I would totally be on board for that!

[Anonymous]

"Now, she could be like my MIL and have "empty priorities" (volunteering at a museum - WTF?) and not be involved with the kids even though she lives five minutes away. She's presumptuous and claims "I thought you didn't want (this or that)" without even asking, as an excuse to be selfish. "

Oh, brother!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the discussion - keep it coming. My mom is/was a great mom and is an even better grandma. Our DS is her first grandchild and she loves him so much. My nephew in NJ was born a couple of months ago and my #2 is coming anyday. Don't get me wrong - I would LOVE for her to be here - I just don't want her to be unhappy or regretful and I don't want to shoulder any guilt.

My mom and I (and DH) have talked about all of the issues and she certainly would not ever want to feel like she is imposing on our "family time". That being said, it will really be up to us to decide and communicate how much is too much. If she makes the decision to move, which I would love, I have to remember that the best I can do is introduce her to various resources, activities and what she chooses to pursue is up to her. Again, I think a lot of it has to do with me and remembering that my mom is a grown woman, made this decision with her eyes open and I am not responsible for her happiness This has been a struggle for me my whole life. When my brother and I were kids, my mom worked and took care of us but really didn't do anything else. Now that she's retired she has really come into herself and pursues her own interests which is awesome. I think I'm just afraid she'll revert to living for someone else. But again, if that's the road she chooses and that's what makes her happy I guess that's her decision...right?

If she moves I would be happy to set up a little group where all the newbies could meet each other. I'll check in again if and when the decision is made. In the meantime, if someone else starts up a group - please keep us posted on this thread. Again, I would be especially interested in a group for single, divorced, widowed grandparents that are new to the area.

Thanks everyone!

[Anonymous]

My inlaws have been talking about retiring to DC for the last two years or so. She wants a city, and they're both from NY originally but spent the last 20 years in exurbia, so DC actually seems a good compromise. I'm actually excited about it - they can have their dream condo in the city, and we can see them both more often and for less concentrated periods of time, both of which I see as positives. I am childless for the next few months at least, but I have to assume grandkids are a reason that they're so eager to relocate. Still a few years away, but I'm indulging my house envy by looking up great condos for them.

Off topic - anyone live in the Logan Circle area? That's where I'm recommending that they buy their dream condo.

[Anonymous]

8:53 - yes, MIL is a winner!

[Anonymous]

My parents (much older) moved here about 7 years ago and have no friends or outside activities other than seeing family members. My MIL moved here about six months ago and has easily met and made friends with a number of single women and couples in her complex, and goes out to movies and meals, etc., with them, health issues permitting. I think a lot of it comes down to personality, and I could have predicted that outcome given their past histories.

OP's mom is fairly young and has a good circle of friends back home. Even if she is not a joiner," I think the fact that she has friends at home predicts that she will be able to make new friends here. Also, since she is used to working, she may be more likely to find activities to fill her time here.