Finding divorce lawyer who isn't a barracuda

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to be acrimonious towards your partner, but you want a lawyer who is going to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in a divorce.

It sounds like your stbx had a lawyer draft this - which means it will favor him in some way most likely. Not necessarily because he’s trying to screw you over, but because his perception of what is fair will probably differ from yours.

Make sure you retain a lawyer who asks a lot of questions, and is looking out for fairness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just pay an attorney to look over the agreement and make recommendations. Do the rest yourself. It's doable and much cheaper. I did this in DC and filed myself.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to be acrimonious towards your partner, but you want a lawyer who is going to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in a divorce.

It sounds like your stbx had a lawyer draft this - which means it will favor him in some way most likely. Not necessarily because he’s trying to screw you over, but because his perception of what is fair will probably differ from yours.

Make sure you retain a lawyer who asks a lot of questions, and is looking out for fairness.

+1.

Don't be stupid, OP. If you and your STBX were on the same page as far as fairness and respect are concerned, you would not be divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to be acrimonious towards your partner, but you want a lawyer who is going to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in a divorce.

It sounds like your stbx had a lawyer draft this - which means it will favor him in some way most likely. Not necessarily because he’s trying to screw you over, but because his perception of what is fair will probably differ from yours.

Make sure you retain a lawyer who asks a lot of questions, and is looking out for fairness.

+1.

Don't be stupid, OP. If you and your STBX were on the same page as far as fairness and respect are concerned, you would not be divorcing.

OP here -- it's more complicated than that. I don't hold anything against her.

In any case, I opted for Livesay and Myers. They have good reviews and documented expertise with separation documents, not just the divorce documents themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to be acrimonious towards your partner, but you want a lawyer who is going to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in a divorce.

It sounds like your stbx had a lawyer draft this - which means it will favor him in some way most likely. Not necessarily because he’s trying to screw you over, but because his perception of what is fair will probably differ from yours.

Make sure you retain a lawyer who asks a lot of questions, and is looking out for fairness.

+1.

Don't be stupid, OP. If you and your STBX were on the same page as far as fairness and respect are concerned, you would not be divorcing.

—Signed a divorce lawyer (no one is divorcing now because of the slow economy)

[Anonymous]

Not rocket science. It’s literally a template.
Use AI and follow the follow the rules on the court website.

Only make business decisions when you are calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t count out barracudas/sharks/whatever.

You think it’s calm and cooperative now, but you want to go into it with every tool you might need. My goal was to find someone who was calm and measured, would be competent at working with mediators or 1:1 with the other attorney, but also capable of litigation if necessary. You never know what kinds of motions your spouse might be convinced to file over even tiny things. It just takes one hearing to realize you have an attorney who’s in over their head.

Avoid anyone who is all collaborative or who jumps straight into trial/hearing strategies. Consult with at least 3-4 attorneys to get an understand of different ideas and strategies for your situation. I hired the attorney who said that he couldn’t actually recommend a strategy right away and acknowledged some issues that I had unconsciously minimized as potential hurdles to cooperation.

If an attorney doesn’t understand your perspective from the first consult, that’s a bad sign. I spoke with one attorney who was insistent that I do x, y and z right away but clearly didn’t understand how those things fit into the context of my life. If you sense that they aren’t listening and are applying a standard script or framework to you, move on.

The lawyer you talk to might seem like she/he “gets” it. Then they shuffle your case to an associate. You have to check and double check everything. Then charge you for that, effectively.

In my experience, you minus well do it yourself out of the gate. At least most of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to be acrimonious towards your partner, but you want a lawyer who is going to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in a divorce.

It sounds like your stbx had a lawyer draft this - which means it will favor him in some way most likely. Not necessarily because he’s trying to screw you over, but because his perception of what is fair will probably differ from yours.

Make sure you retain a lawyer who asks a lot of questions, and is looking out for fairness.

+1.

Don't be stupid, OP. If you and your STBX were on the same page as far as fairness and respect are concerned, you would not be divorcing.

—Signed a divorce lawyer (no one is divorcing now because of the slow economy)

I could never be a divorce lawyer. It's some sad ish, broken promises and all. If they were both good to each other, they wouldn't be divorcing. So this "amicable" split is all talk. Keep your commitment to each other if you get along so well.

You get the best lawyer you can get, and you set the tone. A "barracuda" lawyer will listen to what you want. Their job is to represent you. If they are doing too much for your taste, you either have poor communication skills or you did not choose a good lawyer. A good lawyer lays down all your options, makes recommendation and then listens to you. You are the boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to be acrimonious towards your partner, but you want a lawyer who is going to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in a divorce.

It sounds like your stbx had a lawyer draft this - which means it will favor him in some way most likely. Not necessarily because he’s trying to screw you over, but because his perception of what is fair will probably differ from yours.

Make sure you retain a lawyer who asks a lot of questions, and is looking out for fairness.

+1.

Don't be stupid, OP. If you and your STBX were on the same page as far as fairness and respect are concerned, you would not be divorcing.

OP here -- it's more complicated than that. I don't hold anything against her.

In any case, I opted for Livesay and Myers. They have good reviews and documented expertise with separation documents, not just the divorce documents themselves.

Yet you are breaking your promise to her. Please.

[Anonymous]

Try a collaboratively trained lawyer: https://collaborativelawdmv.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to be acrimonious towards your partner, but you want a lawyer who is going to make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed in a divorce.

It sounds like your stbx had a lawyer draft this - which means it will favor him in some way most likely. Not necessarily because he’s trying to screw you over, but because his perception of what is fair will probably differ from yours.

Make sure you retain a lawyer who asks a lot of questions, and is looking out for fairness.

+1.

Don't be stupid, OP. If you and your STBX were on the same page as far as fairness and respect are concerned, you would not be divorcing.

OP here -- it's more complicated than that. I don't hold anything against her.

In any case, I opted for Livesay and Myers. They have good reviews and documented expertise with separation documents, not just the divorce documents themselves.

I am the poster who recommended Rachel Virk. Livesay and Myers is also a very good firm.

I am going to give you advice you didn’t ask for, because it was the most important thing my parents told me when I was going through this. You need to approach this like it’s the rest of your life. Because it is. The agreement will affect your finances in particular into retirement. This doesn’t mean you should be adversarial but it does mean you can assert your rights and follow the law. As another poster said, your wife drafted whatever you were given to favor her; that is all but certain. You need to negotiate this carefully and assertively. Don’t make the mistake of trying to avoid conflict because it is uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t count out barracudas/sharks/whatever.

You think it’s calm and cooperative now, but you want to go into it with every tool you might need. My goal was to find someone who was calm and measured, would be competent at working with mediators or 1:1 with the other attorney, but also capable of litigation if necessary. You never know what kinds of motions your spouse might be convinced to file over even tiny things. It just takes one hearing to realize you have an attorney who’s in over their head.

Avoid anyone who is all collaborative or who jumps straight into trial/hearing strategies. Consult with at least 3-4 attorneys to get an understand of different ideas and strategies for your situation. I hired the attorney who said that he couldn’t actually recommend a strategy right away and acknowledged some issues that I had unconsciously minimized as potential hurdles to cooperation.

If an attorney doesn’t understand your perspective from the first consult, that’s a bad sign. I spoke with one attorney who was insistent that I do x, y and z right away but clearly didn’t understand how those things fit into the context of my life. If you sense that they aren’t listening and are applying a standard script or framework to you, move on.

The lawyer you talk to might seem like she/he “gets” it. Then they shuffle your case to an associate. You have to check and double check everything. Then charge you for that, effectively.

In my experience, you minus well do it yourself out of the gate. At least most of it.

You’re replying to me and you mentioned something I didn’t add: it was very important to me to not get shuffled to an associate and to avoid a place where caseloads were so big that paralegals and associates are constantly stepping in. I knew that my case was too complex to deal with delays or confusion from knowledge transfer issues and that any savings from lower associate/paralegal rates would be gobbled up by time needed for knowledge transfer. I hired someone at a small, 6-attorney firm with lower caseloads. My attorney is the only person I work with. My STBX is using a giant firm with apparently multiple paralegals and associates popping in and out. It’s caused a lot of problems for him because they miss deadlines, can’t keep track of details, and seem to be constantly shuffling him around.

As for doing it by myself: I do most of the document management and prep myself. I don’t go into a meeting or call without having outlined an agenda in advance, prepped all of my documentation, etc. If you have the ability to do so, you want an attorney who can deal with legal details and filings and big picture strategy, and you need to do most of the rest. You can’t trust them to dig into things they don’t know about your life.

It’s important to drive your own case and be in the care of someone who will partner with you, not just slap a standard framework on your care nor leave you twisting in the wind.

[Anonymous]

There is no such thing as a divorce form with a low case load. That is contrary to their business model.

Some associates have 60-80 cases going at any given time. There is a reason why their work is shoddy. There is a reason why they can’t remember your child’s name to save their life.

One paralegal told me directed “This is a mill. One person marries them and then we divorce them!” She made a motion with both hands while saying this. This was supposedly a high-end firm.