Finding divorce lawyer who isn't a barracuda

[Anonymous]

I'm separating, and I've been handed a draft separation agreement.

This is not an acrimonious split. Emotional, sure. But there's still love and a ton of respect. We're not going to be fighting over money. We're in that sweet spot where we have enough for both of us to live comfortably but not so much that we want to fight over large sums.

Where should I look to find a lawyer who isn't out for blood but will simply look over this agreement and make sure it's OK?

[Anonymous]

Jurisdiction needed. And beware of lawyers self-referring.

[Anonymous]

This is something you should be up front about in your first interview. Lawyers will tell you up front their style.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t count out barracudas/sharks/whatever.

You think it’s calm and cooperative now, but you want to go into it with every tool you might need. My goal was to find someone who was calm and measured, would be competent at working with mediators or 1:1 with the other attorney, but also capable of litigation if necessary. You never know what kinds of motions your spouse might be convinced to file over even tiny things. It just takes one hearing to realize you have an attorney who’s in over their head.

Avoid anyone who is all collaborative or who jumps straight into trial/hearing strategies. Consult with at least 3-4 attorneys to get an understand of different ideas and strategies for your situation. I hired the attorney who said that he couldn’t actually recommend a strategy right away and acknowledged some issues that I had unconsciously minimized as potential hurdles to cooperation.

If an attorney doesn’t understand your perspective from the first consult, that’s a bad sign. I spoke with one attorney who was insistent that I do x, y and z right away but clearly didn’t understand how those things fit into the context of my life. If you sense that they aren’t listening and are applying a standard script or framework to you, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jurisdiction needed. And beware of lawyers self-referring.

Virginia.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- I appreciate the thoughts so far, but I literally meant "where?" As in some sort of listing that gives me some insight beyond a list of names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jurisdiction needed. And beware of lawyers self-referring.

Virginia.

Rachel Virk in Sterling.

[Anonymous]

Google “collaborative divorce lawyer” + your county. Collaborative divorce is a method, some lawyers are specifically trained in it. Sounds like what you are looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Google “collaborative divorce lawyer” + your county. Collaborative divorce is a method, some lawyers are specifically trained in it. Sounds like what you are looking for.

I'm the person who recommended Rachel Virk. She is a big fan of this method.

Note, however, that she can also be a barracuda if needed.

[Anonymous]

Just pay an attorney to look over the agreement and make recommendations. Do the rest yourself. It's doable and much cheaper. I did this in DC and filed myself.

[Anonymous]

If it's not an acrimonious split and there's no issue about assets, you might not need a lawyer at all. Divorce is a pretty simple legal matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it's not an acrimonious split and there's no issue about assets, you might not need a lawyer at all. Divorce is a pretty simple legal matter.

DO not take this advice. Have a lawyer - your own lawyer - look it over.

[Anonymous]

You really do need a barracuda who can find things that create ambiguities or loopholes that stbX could use later if so motivated by a new love, new kids, financial stress, etc. They need not menace your stbX but you need to be aware not all fluffy teddy bear divorce chump.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- I appreciate the thoughts so far, but I literally meant "where?" As in some sort of listing that gives me some insight beyond a list of names?

You need to talk to friends or ideally, acquaintances who have connections in law. I found my (not local) recs via attorney acquaintances and neighbors whose firms circulate lists for their atttorneys. I also got great recs from friends in the corporate world who asked other friends on my behalf. Don’t be embarrassed- start saying or texting to friends “do you know anyone who has divorced recently or has attorney contacts who can recommend an attorney for situation x?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm separating, and I've been handed a draft separation agreement.

This is not an acrimonious split. Emotional, sure. But there's still love and a ton of respect. We're not going to be fighting over money. We're in that sweet spot where we have enough for both of us to live comfortably but not so much that we want to fight over large sums.

Where should I look to find a lawyer who isn't out for blood but will simply look over this agreement and make sure it's OK?

Nope you want a "barracuda" no matter how nice your partner is.