What to do with too chatty kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teacher needs figure out how to teach her without being annoyed with her. This will serve her well as an adult, someone who is not afraid to speak her mind - do not try to train this out of her.

- a mom with a daughter, 3 generations of strong, intelligent women who all talk a lot. And, 2 husbands and one soon to be husband, all love their strong women

Sorry I disagree with this. I come from many generations of strong, intelligent, talkative women too and you know what we learned? It’s important to be respectful and in a classroom, it’s disrespectful to talk while the teacher is trying to teach or work with other kids. My best friend and I had lots of practice with the old fashioned “I will not talk in class” writing from our teachers and our teachers were correct to call us out for being disruptive.


Speaking your mind in the proper context is a good thing. Speaking when the teacher is teaching is rude. There is a difference.

[Anonymous]

Teacher here. You need to meet in person with the teacher AND guidance counselor and find out exactly what this looks like in class and how it compares to other kids in the same class.

Then you ask what strategies the teacher is using to help teach your child how to behave in class. My guess is that this is a newer teacher.

Then you explain that you can’t do much because you aren’t there in class, and that your child is very young and you talking to her at home about it won’t help much.

They can start with one period of time a day, like math, and give her three tickets. Every time she talks, she hands in a ticket. When the three are gone, no more talking.

They need a visual reminder for her to be quiet. They need to point out times when she can talk freely. She needs to understand the whole dynamic and how her talking makes others feel, without shaming her for her need to communicate.

Is she impulsive in other ways? Is she lonely? Because she has this need to socially communicate, you need to parent her with this in mind, and set aside ten or fifteen minutes in the morning and after school to let her tell you whatever she wants and you make eye contact and smile and nod and let her feel heard. She has a right to have her needs met, even if it isn’t up your alley. It’s hard to parent a kid with a different temperament, but you have to.

She’s not trying to be disobedient at school. She’s trying to get her needs met.

[Anonymous]

In first grade, I would not be worried about this. I would also assume this is either a very old school teacher or someone with terrible classroom management. But, you really need to meet with the teacher and suss out just how off this is from other kids. Also, figure out if this is because of who she sits with. In our case, because teachers sat kids in alphabetical order, my kid was always right beside her best friend. We would literally want the teacher not to do that, they would do it anyway and then they would move them apart by week 4-8.

That said, if this is way off the charts or continues for more years, it could be a sign of ADHD. But I would not worry about that for another couple of years. The truth is that these are children who unfortunately, can’t be in a system with the type of play based learning they need due to lack of appropriate funding, parents who want every kid to be Harvard bound, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In first grade, I would not be worried about this. I would also assume this is either a very old school teacher or someone with terrible classroom management. But, you really need to meet with the teacher and suss out just how off this is from other kids. Also, figure out if this is because of who she sits with. In our case, because teachers sat kids in alphabetical order, my kid was always right beside her best friend. We would literally want the teacher not to do that, they would do it anyway and then they would move them apart by week 4-8.

That said, if this is way off the charts or continues for more years, it could be a sign of ADHD. But I would not worry about that for another couple of years. The truth is that these are children who unfortunately, can’t be in a system with the type of play based learning they need due to lack of appropriate funding, parents who want every kid to be Harvard bound, etc.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP your teacher may be bad at classroom management, or your DD may be off the charts for impulse control issues. We can't tell you if it's one or the other, or both. But being socially comfortable with peers and adults doesn't make it ok to chat your way through class.

The average classroom in 2025 is not designed for kids who struggle with impulse control. Ask many parents of boys. Or of kids with ADHD. It's a long road for them. It's not a picnic for teachers, either.

[Anonymous]

I have a chatty boy the same age and we've been practicing saving thoughts and journaling. We've had talks about how he does have good thoughts and ideas but with all the kids in his class we have to let the other kids share their thoughts and listen as well. That he can save his ideas and tell mom and dad later. It's worked pretty well.

[Anonymous]

Excessive chatting is rude, and it’s unfortunately a behavior that parents frequently indulge because they don’t want to stifle their child’s positive qualities (like friendliness or sociability). It can be useful to think of excessive chattiness as a symptom of self-centered, self-interest. You know those people who talk “at” you? Whose eyes glaze over when you respond and only light up when it’s their turn to talk again? Their parent indulged all of their chattiness as children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In first grade, I would not be worried about this. I would also assume this is either a very old school teacher or someone with terrible classroom management. But, you really need to meet with the teacher and suss out just how off this is from other kids. Also, figure out if this is because of who she sits with. In our case, because teachers sat kids in alphabetical order, my kid was always right beside her best friend. We would literally want the teacher not to do that, they would do it anyway and then they would move them apart by week 4-8.

That said, if this is way off the charts or continues for more years, it could be a sign of ADHD. But I would not worry about that for another couple of years. The truth is that these are children who unfortunately, can’t be in a system with the type of play based learning they need due to lack of appropriate funding, parents who want every kid to be Harvard bound, etc.

Yes!!! My daughter acted this way, I remember the notes and emails and getting low grades for behavior or low grades. We got her tested for for ADHD and the doctors assured me that Adderall was safe. We are glad we started her on meds in 2nd grade, If you can start a bit early try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. You need to meet in person with the teacher AND guidance counselor and find out exactly what this looks like in class and how it compares to other kids in the same class.

Then you ask what strategies the teacher is using to help teach your child how to behave in class. My guess is that this is a newer teacher.

Then you explain that you can’t do much because you aren’t there in class, and that your child is very young and you talking to her at home about it won’t help much.

They can start with one period of time a day, like math, and give her three tickets. Every time she talks, she hands in a ticket. When the three are gone, no more talking.

They need a visual reminder for her to be quiet. They need to point out times when she can talk freely. She needs to understand the whole dynamic and how her talking makes others feel, without shaming her for her need to communicate.

Is she impulsive in other ways? Is she lonely? Because she has this need to socially communicate, you need to parent her with this in mind, and set aside ten or fifteen minutes in the morning and after school to let her tell you whatever she wants and you make eye contact and smile and nod and let her feel heard. She has a right to have her needs met, even if it isn’t up your alley. It’s hard to parent a kid with a different temperament, but you have to.

She’s not trying to be disobedient at school. She’s trying to get her needs met.

+1