Getting over a love - what helped?

[Anonymous]

Anyone who does not love me or betrays me, I am instantly out of love with them.

[Anonymous]

The only things that ever helped me manage heartbreak: 1. Intense exercise. 2. Cigarettes. Other than that just try to focus on productive work as best you can.

Drinking just makes things worse, and hooking up with someone else too quickly is just as likely to backfire as it is to help, often for me it just reminded me of what I was missing.

[Anonymous]

NP. Still getting over a love years later. I try keeping myself busy, new interest, hobbies, social network. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

What helped -

Doing whatever the hell I wanted, barring anything self-harming, for a bit. If that meant moping few days straight and watching that show everyone else dislikes but me, did it. If going to 5 parties one night helped, go. Selfishly have fun. When leaving your boss (if working), remind yourself: this is your life. You report to no one.

Get a new hobby. Cook, take a singing lesson, read every book by X author. The list goes on.

Write some journal entries about what you learned about what you want through daring them.

[Anonymous]

Realizing that they were never the person they portrayed to be the first 6 months. I fell in love with that person and then managed to imagine future together. They were just mirroring how I treated them. I must have done a good job, because it felt so good.
They were also from different culture. I thought that's norm for them. Not true.
I did ask why they would love-bomb me and then fall flat. They said everyone did that. Again, not true.
The worst is not even the love-bombing, but disappearing and then thinking they can just come back whenever and several times. Who the heck does this?! Not one healthy person I know. They need validation when they contact me and my healing takes several steps back.
Shortly, I love the fantasy I created based on how they were at the beginning.

[Anonymous]

I think there's something to giving yourself a set time period to mope, then moving on. I'd choose a window, up to a week. Then decide to move on "enough now" style like the Love Actually guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realizing that they were never the person they portrayed to be the first 6 months. I fell in love with that person and then managed to imagine future together. They were just mirroring how I treated them. I must have done a good job, because it felt so good.
They were also from different culture. I thought that's norm for them. Not true.
I did ask why they would love-bomb me and then fall flat. They said everyone did that. Again, not true.
The worst is not even the love-bombing, but disappearing and then thinking they can just come back whenever and several times. Who the heck does this?! Not one healthy person I know. They need validation when they contact me and my healing takes several steps back.
Shortly, I love the fantasy I created based on how they were at the beginning.

Who does this? Avoidants do!

[Anonymous]

Are you trying to get over the loss of the actual person or the loss of a "love relationship" and being "in love"?

[Anonymous]

What helped me enormously was a great antidepressant (Zoloft.)

But then I already suffered from depression already.

[Anonymous]

I make a list of the pros and cons of the guy. It helps to see it in black and white. Be really petty. Then look at the list whenever you start to miss him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Realizing that I was in love with who they portrayed themself to be and not who they actually were was a game changer for me.

Also, had the best sex of my life with a nerdy lawyer who was a total departure from my normal "type" - opened up a new universe for me

Seriously? How did the nerdy guy pull that off?

[Anonymous]

write a list of things you don't like about a person and read it when you feel sad or feel the urge to call him

[Anonymous]

Spending time by myself and learning who I really am was the most important thing. It let me find the actual right person. It was a bit hard though as there were some things I THOUGHT I wanted out of a partner, but I realized that was more for my own ego than what would make me happy long term.

[Anonymous]

Catching up with that overly endowed ex-fwb and having him make you forget your name.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t mope because I quickly came to realize that I was going to be better off. So I got on with my life and met my now husband a month or so later.