6 year old oppositional defiant disorder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What type of PCIT or parent coaching? I don’t know what to look for at this point. I was trying to investigate parenting strategies for ODD because what I’ve read fits her to a tee (at home), or that’s her personality. She has diagnosed anxiety and is on an SSRI and I’m well familiar with PCIT around social anxiety and I actually think we’ve been managing that very well. The SSRI did help significantly with her behavior since we started it last year, but things have devolved lately. I’m fairly certain she has mild adhd as well and we’re doing all the checklist list things to try to alleviate/support executive function.. As an example, she says she doesn’t want peas with dinner and goes to dump it, her dad says he’ll eat them and not to throw them out, she looks at him and dumps it out. Then when asked why she just screams or completely ignores the question. It’s not always tied to “demands” either - she might just decide to scream at her dad if he just says something to her. My husband is quite short with her which is not helping, and I need to get us on the same page on how to manage her.

I think any pcit provider would be able to help with this. Did your husband participate when you did it in the past? He sounds kinda rigid himself, which is no surprise if your kid is too. In the peas situation you described, I would have let it go...avoided the demand not to throw them out, and certainly avoided asking her about it when she did it. You can't avoid all demands on her of course, but reducing the pressure on her might help.

[Anonymous]

She might need an adjustment to the meds.

[Anonymous]

I was like that as a child. I believe it had everything to do with chaos, abuse and neglect at home. It only happened at home. It changed when the atmosphere changed. I am a calm and agreeable adult.
.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you see someone at Potomac pediatrics by any chance who made this diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s fine at school if sounds more like parenting.

? This pattern is extremely common. It is often MORE worrisome to providers if the opposite is true.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is so hard as a parent. I have found DBT-C with Sam Steinberg at Britt Rathbone and Associates has been transformative. Not only did she teach my child skills, parent coaching is part of the therapy and on demand texts/calls with the therapist.

[Anonymous]

PsychBethesda also has DBT-C.

[Anonymous]

Talk to her pediatrician asap and try to get a recommendation for resources. If it is the case that you need to adjust your parenting approach for the particular needs of your child, far better to do it now than waiting a few years. I am not saying your parenting is bad (like the other poster above) just that you may need professional guidance on how to set boundaries and de-escalate with this particular kid. We had a tough stretch when our DD was 5 and some parenting coaching really helped us. She also turned out to have ADHD and anxiety, not ODD, but I am convinced if we did not intervene and change our approach, we'd be dealing with much more defiance now.

The person we spoke with at our pediatrician's recommendation was Claire Lerner and I really like her approach. You can sign up for her newsletter and follow her on IG. She does a great job of responding to and addressing some of the gentle parenting "wisdom" on social media and helping parents set loving limits on their kids behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What type of PCIT or parent coaching? I don’t know what to look for at this point. I was trying to investigate parenting strategies for ODD because what I’ve read fits her to a tee (at home), or that’s her personality. She has diagnosed anxiety and is on an SSRI and I’m well familiar with PCIT around social anxiety and I actually think we’ve been managing that very well. The SSRI did help significantly with her behavior since we started it last year, but things have devolved lately. I’m fairly certain she has mild adhd as well and we’re doing all the checklist list things to try to alleviate/support executive function.. As an example, she says she doesn’t want peas with dinner and goes to dump it, her dad says he’ll eat them and not to throw them out, she looks at him and dumps it out. Then when asked why she just screams or completely ignores the question. It’s not always tied to “demands” either - she might just decide to scream at her dad if he just says something to her. My husband is quite short with her which is not helping, and I need to get us on the same page on how to manage her.

Yeah you guys really need some support to get on the same page and present a calm, consistent, united front. There's no need to escalate to a standoff between a kid and a grown adult about whether to throw out peas into the trash. I know it's all extremely frustrating and your DH may think of this as solely a behavior issue but perhaps he will listen to an "expert" on this and you all can come up with a plan on how to handle this sort of thing better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend reading the Explosive Child. It really opened my eyes to what might be going on under the surface of that kind of behavior. Your DD is not likely being oppositional for the sake of it, but because she is overwhelmed by something else. And I agree with PCIT. It really helped us. Parent coaching, parent therapy… all of that you can find from someone who specializes in this.

💯 this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you see someone at Potomac pediatrics by any chance who made this diagnosis?

Not the OP but I did have this experience and never went back to that psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Odd is a garbage bag diagnosis. Look into adhd or autism or both

I'm a child therapist and have never seen true ODD in my decades of practice. IMO it's always something else, either severe anxiety or neurodivergence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Odd is a garbage bag diagnosis. Look into adhd or autism or both

I'm a child therapist and have never seen true ODD in my decades of practice. IMO it's always something else, either severe anxiety or neurodivergence.

is it ever a thing for adults or older teens?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the folks here who encourage you to shift away from an ODD focus -- what has been described as ODD is usually just anxiety, or PDA or something else. I know Raising Orchid Kids has a class coming up starting 1/22 that might be really helpful for you -- it will help you better understand the behavior you're seeing and find some actionable strategies to address it in a positive way.