Nice but wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes you think that your “honest” opinion is going to make them ditch their partner vs distance themselves from you?

This. My mom gave me her "honest opinion" and then threatened never to speak to me again if I married my dh. I said ok.

Happily married for 25+ years. We are very compatible, he just wouldn't have been compatible for my mom. My relationship with my mom never recovered.

You can point out things OP, but keep in mind it's your adult child's choice to make, not yours.

[Anonymous]

You should MYOB OP

[Anonymous]

LOL, do it OP, and report back. But can you wait a few days so I can stock up on all my favorite snacks and beverages?

[Anonymous]

Don't impede. Don't promote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you feel their finances would be seriously compromised because significant other us in a low paying career with debt and family with no stable jobs who drain major chunk of what SO earns.

Then you say, SO has chosen a field that will likely pay less than your career. How do you feel about that? Then, is SO's need to support their family something that concerns you at all? I would then listen honestly and go no further in casting any judgment. Your job is to support your adult kid with unconditional love, not tell them they are making bad life choices.

[Anonymous]

I hint, but just ask her to consider the future she wants, and whether that is realistic if she stays with her current partner . (And a referring to lifestyle not finances. )

Mine is so in love though, it will likely have to play out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't want to end up with a son or daughter in law you've already said to your DC is wrong for them. On the other hand, you owe it to your DC. Not that they'll take your word for it. They won't. So you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do you want them to someday say, "Why didn't you warm me?" or "We can't see you for thanksgiving -- again -- this year"?

Their kid is an adult.

Obviously, they have different values than the parents.

Finances do not necessarily dictate good marriage material.

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how “wrong”.

Also, sometimes it’s the parent who is wrong. My friend’s daughter picked a guy she doesn’t think is good enough, from an education and earnings point of view. But he suits her daughter, who also has no interest in higher ed and isn’t picking a high earning career. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop and for my friend to accuse the guy of influencing her to refuse a college education… when in reality, they share the same goals and aspirations.

So…