Protecting earned income and assets in a marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer. I assume your spouse is from another country. In some cultures it's okay to put your parents, siblings and other relatives on permanent assistance. You don't want any part of this nonsense OP. I am from Africa and it's very common in my country. I happen to be from a wealthy family so there is no expectation for me to help financially. Others who aren't so fortunate have helping relatives as a monthly line item in their budget. I think it's so ridiculous.

No wonder you've left Africa. No communitarian spirit at all. Enjoy your privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer. I assume your spouse is from another country. In some cultures it's okay to put your parents, siblings and other relatives on permanent assistance. You don't want any part of this nonsense OP. I am from Africa and it's very common in my country. I happen to be from a wealthy family so there is no expectation for me to help financially. Others who aren't so fortunate have helping relatives as a monthly line item in their budget. I think it's so ridiculous.

No wonder you've left Africa. No communitarian spirit at all. Enjoy your privilege.

True communitarianism means each generation takes care of the next, not the other way around. Parents are supposed to sacrifice for children; money flows downhill. When you deplete your children's resources to support adults who should have saved for their own retirement or end-of-life care, or in the case of a sibling, their own adult mistakes, you're breaking this compact and risking that your children will later struggle to support their own kids AND you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer. I assume your spouse is from another country. In some cultures it's okay to put your parents, siblings and other relatives on permanent assistance. You don't want any part of this nonsense OP. I am from Africa and it's very common in my country. I happen to be from a wealthy family so there is no expectation for me to help financially. Others who aren't so fortunate have helping relatives as a monthly line item in their budget. I think it's so ridiculous.

No wonder you've left Africa. No communitarian spirit at all. Enjoy your privilege.

True communitarianism means each generation takes care of the next, not the other way around. Parents are supposed to sacrifice for children; money flows downhill. When you deplete your children's resources to support adults who should have saved for their own retirement or end-of-life care, or in the case of a sibling, their own adult mistakes, you're breaking this compact and risking that your children will later struggle to support their own kids AND you.

The spouse never made that deal. My parents both of them tossed them from home at 14. Never even went to HS. They worked as servants basically next 12-14 years to each save up to get out of there to this country. And while home even as a 5 year old were put to work on the farm.

Both of them were younger siblings and farm went to oldest son and they were tossed out. My Dad who had a soft against my Mom wishes gave a deposit for a house for his mom in the foreign country and made payments to make her mortgage under expectation he would inherit. He also bought a car. All while we lived in a tiny apt in the USA and I slept on floor as a child. In the end a few weeks before his Moms death the siblings in that country had will changed and took house and car. Not only that she still owned a farm in country he was to inherit a piece they also took that. My dad bought our first home when he was 54 and my mom 52 as he wasted our money for a decade giving it away. And on my Moms side she was smart enough to not fund her side. In the end they cut her out of her inheritance She got zero when her Mom died. Her bother moved title to his name on everything when Mom was 88 and left nothing for siblings. At least she did not pay off house!!

I dont expect my kids to fund me. If anything I should fund them. Bad Behavior should not be repeated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer. I assume your spouse is from another country. In some cultures it's okay to put your parents, siblings and other relatives on permanent assistance. You don't want any part of this nonsense OP. I am from Africa and it's very common in my country. I happen to be from a wealthy family so there is no expectation for me to help financially. Others who aren't so fortunate have helping relatives as a monthly line item in their budget. I think it's so ridiculous.

No wonder you've left Africa. No communitarian spirit at all. Enjoy your privilege.

True communitarianism means each generation takes care of the next, not the other way around. Parents are supposed to sacrifice for children; money flows downhill. When you deplete your children's resources to support adults who should have saved for their own retirement or end-of-life care, or in the case of a sibling, their own adult mistakes, you're breaking this compact and risking that your children will later struggle to support their own kids AND you.

Are you sure you're from Africa? In those cultures, you honor your parents and, yes, support them financially if need be. Your notion seems very Western.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Largely increase your contributions to the kids 529 accounts. Fully fund them for both undergrad and grad school. These are about the only accounts that won't be touched in a divorce.

This is a better advice than giving money away to your family as a revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Largely increase your contributions to the kids 529 accounts. Fully fund them for both undergrad and grad school. These are about the only accounts that won't be touched in a divorce.

Most people have 529 accounts that are in the parent's name with the children as beneficiaries, these would be considered marital assets in a divorce. Questionable whether a minor is even allowed to own a 529 account.

[Anonymous]

My DH supported his family for decades and still supports fully his mother. However, thankfully no more supporting siblings after they got their undergrad or got married. It did make finances difficult specially when our kids were in colleges. If you are believe in charity, think of it as charity. His family is taking money away from your kids, do you also want them to take their family as well by divorcing? I say get a family counselor and discuss these issues in presence of a neutral voice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Unfortunately, divorce is the only way. Otherwise it’s all marital assets.

Which also means he’s giving away marital assets (his earned income). Keep track of what he gives them, document your objection, and you might be able to limit what he gets in a divorce based on your objections. But a judge may also say that you stayed with him, so it can’t have been that bad…

Just divorce. This isn’t going to get better if he’s not willing to stop sending money, or limit what he sends to something you agree one.

[Anonymous]

Monitor your own credit and your kid's credit too.

Max out everything that is hard to take money out of.

Start asking for good jewelry as gifts.

[Anonymous]

Buy a Birkin, sell upon divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer. I assume your spouse is from another country. In some cultures it's okay to put your parents, siblings and other relatives on permanent assistance. You don't want any part of this nonsense OP. I am from Africa and it's very common in my country. I happen to be from a wealthy family so there is no expectation for me to help financially. Others who aren't so fortunate have helping relatives as a monthly line item in their budget. I think it's so ridiculous.

No wonder you've left Africa. No communitarian spirit at all. Enjoy your privilege.

She worked for her money, unlike the others expecting to free load. It is called a black tax for good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Largely increase your contributions to the kids 529 accounts. Fully fund them for both undergrad and grad school. These are about the only accounts that won't be touched in a divorce.

Most people have 529 accounts that are in the parent's name with the children as beneficiaries, these would be considered marital assets in a divorce. Questionable whether a minor is even allowed to own a 529 account.

Yes, 529 accounts are joint property of both spouses subject to division just like IRA. In most states. OP can only "spend" their earnings on something that is not held under the spouse name

[Anonymous]

The legal way to protect it is a post nuptial agreement whereby each you and your spouse agree in writing that certain funds are separate in the event of divorce.

If this financial issue would be the sole reason for divorce it might be a good solution for you, as the comfort of having it might keep the marriage strong.

You need a marriage counselor. If your spouse is from a different culture, a marriage counselor from that culture.

[Anonymous]

Your only option is a postnup. I would offer it as part of a conversation about how unhappy you are about the impact spouse’s unilateral decisions about money have on you.

Your negotiating position here is not great unless spouse really wants to avoid divorce.

[Anonymous]

Buy yourself solid gold jewelry and luxury purses, those hold value. Document everything and start divorce asap. Good luck -