Protecting earned income and assets in a marriage

[Anonymous]

What can I do to protect what I earn and save outside of a postnup? Divorce is a possibility in the future, but the bigger issue right now is that my spouse supports their parents and a forty-something sibling on a regular and incidental basis without discussing it with me. My spouse is willing to draw down our joint checking account to zero to support their family of origin, so we've effectively lived paycheck to paycheck from our joint account for much of our marriage. I have things like a separate brokerage/emergency fund, 529 plans, and retirement accounts that I fund directly from my paychecks that they can't access, and I hope to protect those accounts. I already monitor their credit.

[Anonymous]

Just get a divorce if you can’t talk to your spouse about money.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is the answer. I assume your spouse is from another country. In some cultures it's okay to put your parents, siblings and other relatives on permanent assistance. You don't want any part of this nonsense OP. I am from Africa and it's very common in my country. I happen to be from a wealthy family so there is no expectation for me to help financially. Others who aren't so fortunate have helping relatives as a monthly line item in their budget. I think it's so ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Start giving money to your family too. Anything you earn and save yourself will be split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What can I do to protect what I earn and save outside of a postnup? Divorce is a possibility in the future, but the bigger issue right now is that my spouse supports their parents and a forty-something sibling on a regular and incidental basis without discussing it with me. My spouse is willing to draw down our joint checking account to zero to support their family of origin, so we've effectively lived paycheck to paycheck from our joint account for much of our marriage. I have things like a separate brokerage/emergency fund, 529 plans, and retirement accounts that I fund directly from my paychecks that they can't access, and I hope to protect those accounts. I already monitor their credit.

If you mean "protect" it in the sense that you want to save it so that your spouse doesn't spend the money, just keep doing what you're doing -- keep it in accounts in your name only that he can't access.

If you're mean "protect" in the sense of protecting from the results of divorce -- then the answer is "nothing legal." Anything either of you earn during the marriage is marital property that will be divided upon divorce. Do with that information what you will.

[Anonymous]

Give to trusted siblings or other family members.

[Anonymous]

Those last two posts are your answer. I can’t tell if you don’t understand marital property, but legally everything is half his. If you have a trusted family member you might be able to mirror the transfers with payments to them. But all you’re really doing is preparing for separation, which is no way to live. Just rip the bandaid off.

[Anonymous]

How much have they given away without discussing you? Try to catchup and give the same amount to your family.

[Anonymous]

Divorce

[Anonymous]

First, increase your contributions to the separate, individual accounts that your spouse can't access. That will limit how much s/he can access from your joint account.

That only protects the money while you are married, however. In order to protect it if you terminate the marriage, the only legal way to do it is a postnup. Other (more shady) ways are to give it to trusted family members to keep for you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

[Anonymous]

Does your DH know you're ready to divorce over this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Largely increase your contributions to the kids 529 accounts. Fully fund them for both undergrad and grad school. These are about the only accounts that won't be touched in a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

If you're in a community property state, it's difficult.

But assuming you're not, do not commingle funds. Anything commingled at this point would require a post nup or his agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. OP back. I don't want to live in preparation for a separation, but it is a real possibility because of the money issues in our marriage. I was hoping there was a legal way to protect earned income and assets. I understand the concept of marital property, but I was looking for a creative way to preserve money for our kids. I could give some to my family, but I don't think they'd be willing to involve themselves. And they don't need any money from me. Although I guess I could gift them money, then they could gift it to my kids in a UTMA or even to me in a trust? If we get divorced, half of "my" savings will effectively go to my in-laws and get diverted from my kids.

Largely increase your contributions to the kids 529 accounts. Fully fund them for both undergrad and grad school. These are about the only accounts that won't be touched in a divorce.

and the remaining funds can roll to a child's Roth IRA. Make sure you are the account owner on these 529s so your spouse doesn't try to change the beneficiary