Bride dictating MILs outfit for wedding?

[Anonymous]

My mom and MIL are friendly (talk on the phone occasionally but made an effort to see eachother occasionally around the wedding and in the early years). They coordinated around the color palette. My bridesmaids wore eggplant and my mom wore a dusty purple and my MIL wore a berry color. It was great. I don't think either had their dress approved by me, but they let me know what they were doing.

It's totally normal for the bride to be involved in the palette for both moms, but not to choose the dress, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom and MIL are friendly (talk on the phone occasionally but made an effort to see eachother occasionally around the wedding and in the early years). They coordinated around the color palette. My bridesmaids wore eggplant and my mom wore a dusty purple and my MIL wore a berry color. It was great. I don't think either had their dress approved by me, but they let me know what they were doing.

It's totally normal for the bride to be involved in the palette for both moms, but not to choose the dress, IMO.

Most of my friends' MILs asked what they should wear as MoG. They wanted to coordinate and fit in and look like they belong and not be difficult on the wedding day. The hard headed "bride shall have no say" MILs are going to be huge PITAs going forward. If they want to be that way, they can count on not seeing their son often on holidays and playing a minimal role in future grandchildren lives. You have to go along to get along, as they say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lady, just go buy a nice beige dress. Next question.

Ew, no. Beige is terrible.

[Anonymous]

A polite MIL asks the bride if there is anything particular she should consider when choosing an outfit. A polite bride gives parameters if, and only if, asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lady, just go buy a nice beige dress. Next question.

Ew, no. Beige is terrible.

Nobody is there to see you, mother of groom. Your job is to blend in and not make waves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A polite MIL asks the bride if there is anything particular she should consider when choosing an outfit. A polite bride gives parameters if, and only if, asked.

The way around this is to just sell the groom to tell his mom what the palette is and to make sure she's not planning on something crazy or inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

A woman with any sense (hopefully MIL) should be sophisticated enough to know that the wedding will have a particular style, the bride and groom's style. And MIL should fit-in. Not be an outliner. Not make it about her. She should not be making a statement, standing-out particularly or drawing the attention to her.

[Anonymous]

I think the bride can suggest, dictate seems a lot too much. My mom wanted me to just tell her what to wear but I told her just find something in the colors that she felt beautiful in, she knew how to dress herself -- she taught me! -- so I wasn't worried about appopriateness or whatever. She looked great and died not long after and I have her outfit here in my closet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the bride can suggest, dictate seems a lot too much. My mom wanted me to just tell her what to wear but I told her just find something in the colors that she felt beautiful in, she knew how to dress herself -- she taught me! -- so I wasn't worried about appopriateness or whatever. She looked great and died not long after and I have her outfit here in my closet.

PS My MIL died the year before we met so I didn't have to navigate this, my SIL (husband's much older sister) did require some managing but it worked out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Traditionally: Bride chooses her dress. Bride chooses bridesmaid dresses. Bride shares this w/the Mother of the Bride who chooses, with DD's input, style and color that compliment the look. Then, all information is shared with MIL and a reasonable MIL would choose a dress/pants/whatever, consulting with the Bride (and Groom, if he's into these type of decisions)

You don't wear "whatever you want"

[Anonymous]

And people wonder why they are so miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a look at what Melanie Griffith wore to her daughter's wedding and how it looks in the pictures. You don't want to be the oddball.

https://www.hellomagazine.com/brides/863559/antonio-banderas-daughter-stella-marries-alex-gruszynski-spanish-wedding-exclusive-photos/

It’s a really different choice and the gloves take it to another level, but the bride is carrying black flowers, so it doesn’t seem like a traditional ceremony anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom and MIL are friendly (talk on the phone occasionally but made an effort to see eachother occasionally around the wedding and in the early years). They coordinated around the color palette. My bridesmaids wore eggplant and my mom wore a dusty purple and my MIL wore a berry color. It was great. I don't think either had their dress approved by me, but they let me know what they were doing.

It's totally normal for the bride to be involved in the palette for both moms, but not to choose the dress, IMO.

Most of my friends' MILs asked what they should wear as MoG. They wanted to coordinate and fit in and look like they belong and not be difficult on the wedding day. The hard headed "bride shall have no say" MILs are going to be huge PITAs going forward. If they want to be that way, they can count on not seeing their son often on holidays and playing a minimal role in future grandchildren lives. You have to go along to get along, as they say.

Pretty insane implications just for wearing a dress that doesn't look matchy matchy in pictures (as if bride is planing to display pics of MIL).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom and MIL are friendly (talk on the phone occasionally but made an effort to see eachother occasionally around the wedding and in the early years). They coordinated around the color palette. My bridesmaids wore eggplant and my mom wore a dusty purple and my MIL wore a berry color. It was great. I don't think either had their dress approved by me, but they let me know what they were doing.

It's totally normal for the bride to be involved in the palette for both moms, but not to choose the dress, IMO.

Most of my friends' MILs asked what they should wear as MoG. They wanted to coordinate and fit in and look like they belong and not be difficult on the wedding day. The hard headed "bride shall have no say" MILs are going to be huge PITAs going forward. If they want to be that way, they can count on not seeing their son often on holidays and playing a minimal role in future grandchildren lives. You have to go along to get along, as they say.

Pretty insane implications just for wearing a dress that doesn't look matchy matchy in pictures (as if bride is planing to display pics of MIL).

It’s not about the dress; its about the power dynamic the MIL is trying to establish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't think bride should have ANY SAY in what MIL wears - says something about bride. Run, groom. (Woman here.)

SIL bride asked my mother not to wear a dress from her own culture to the wedding and asked her to buy something "American." We all shrugged our shoulders, because it was the bride's day, but quietly thought she was awful to whitewash her groom's mother to her own taste. Groom didn't care.