Wait til 8th

[Anonymous]

I agreed to do it for my daughter but didn’t realize it meant that I needed to wait until the end of 8th grade (essentially 9th grade) to give her a phone.

I gave her one at the beginning of 8th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I wouldn't sign it because of what a PP said. My intention is to wait until 8th grade (have a current 6h grader and an older child) but it's my parenting decision and I reserve the right to do what is best for me and my kid whenever I feel like it.

2. I agree with the comment that the thinking needs to be broader and an ipad can be just as much an issue. However, even your child with a stripped down phone is a bit of a drain on the group and changes the dynamic. I drive girls around this age constantly. The one with the phone, the entire ride becomes about taking silly photos with the camera, playing 2 person games, texting with friends (which is much easier on a phone than a watch). Many of them have access to music and spotify and will watch content on spotify. Point is they will find a way to be interacting with the phone instead of with people even if it's "stripped down". They can go places solo and check in with a watch. My plea to parents of younger kids would be hold off and give the watch.

You can have a no-phone rule in your car. I have a couple friends who have such a rule when they drive MS carpools. (And yes, I realize the issue you are describing can and does happen other places than the car. But just a suggestion about your car.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Group parenting….how weird.

Thinking you know everything and not gaining any insight from other parents' collective experience...how weird.

I knew what was best for MY kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I wouldn't sign it because of what a PP said. My intention is to wait until 8th grade (have a current 6h grader and an older child) but it's my parenting decision and I reserve the right to do what is best for me and my kid whenever I feel like it.

2. I agree with the comment that the thinking needs to be broader and an ipad can be just as much an issue. However, even your child with a stripped down phone is a bit of a drain on the group and changes the dynamic. I drive girls around this age constantly. The one with the phone, the entire ride becomes about taking silly photos with the camera, playing 2 person games, texting with friends (which is much easier on a phone than a watch). Many of them have access to music and spotify and will watch content on spotify. Point is they will find a way to be interacting with the phone instead of with people even if it's "stripped down". They can go places solo and check in with a watch. My plea to parents of younger kids would be hold off and give the watch.

I agree with this 100 percent. Kids absolutely can get into trouble on an iPad and you have to be careful with it. But I drive a lot of carpools and have definitely seen this starting in *4th grade* when the first child got a phone. One kid starts texting in the middle of a conversation and shuts down or the person next to them starts reading the texts etc. It also changes up the dynamics and makes certain kinds of rude behavior way easier (ohh tell Larla we are all on the way to wherever (implied *without her*) and I HATE policing it but will tell kids that they need to put the phone away if it starts devolving in my car.

[Anonymous]

We didn't sign anything but didn't give DD a phone until 8th. We told her this from the very first time she asked for phone and repeated it every time she asked after. Not sure why you need a pledge, you can just decide that for your family (and it's not like this pledge is binding anyway.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Group parenting….how weird.

Thinking you know everything and not gaining any insight from other parents' collective experience...how weird.

I knew what was best for MY kids.

Come on this is a huge area where the community matters. I am not planning to sign a pledge but I really appreciate efforts by other people to hold off because the peer pressure aspect is probably the most intense of any kind. Once every other kid has their own phone the handful of kids who don’t are not included in the majority of communication outside school. There absolutely is a social cost to being dramatically behind everyone else in this way. I knew a child who got their first phone their senior year of high school (3 years ago). That’s so far outside the norm I would never be able to do it even if I think to myself “wow in a perfect world no teenager needs a phone!”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I wouldn't sign it because of what a PP said. My intention is to wait until 8th grade (have a current 6h grader and an older child) but it's my parenting decision and I reserve the right to do what is best for me and my kid whenever I feel like it.

2. I agree with the comment that the thinking needs to be broader and an ipad can be just as much an issue. However, even your child with a stripped down phone is a bit of a drain on the group and changes the dynamic. I drive girls around this age constantly. The one with the phone, the entire ride becomes about taking silly photos with the camera, playing 2 person games, texting with friends (which is much easier on a phone than a watch). Many of them have access to music and spotify and will watch content on spotify. Point is they will find a way to be interacting with the phone instead of with people even if it's "stripped down". They can go places solo and check in with a watch. My plea to parents of younger kids would be hold off and give the watch.

We haven't had the issue you discuss in no 2. It's just not how my kid uses the phone. Most of her texts are coordinating get togethers with friends, not having conversations, or letting me know about changes of plans. We keep a close eye on it.

I hate the watch because it's harder for kids to disconnect from being always available and interrupted. If they get a text on their watch then they feel obliged to reply. My kid will just say she didn't see the text because her phone was upstairs/in her bag/etc, which is normally true.

With all respect, how do you know what your child is doing with a phone not in your presence? These kids have the phone with them always for carpool situations.

With watch, our kid has to take hers off and put it in charging drawer when she gets home. It is put on to leave home. Just as a suggestion if others are finding a similar issue it's hard for them to disconnect with the watch.

I see her screentime usage and texts. She doesn't have games and nearly all her photos are of our dog. I also drive carpool and see how she behaves. It's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

As a parent of a 9th grader, I would encourage waiting until 8th or even longer. Or getting a dumb phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I wouldn't sign it because of what a PP said. My intention is to wait until 8th grade (have a current 6h grader and an older child) but it's my parenting decision and I reserve the right to do what is best for me and my kid whenever I feel like it.

2. I agree with the comment that the thinking needs to be broader and an ipad can be just as much an issue. However, even your child with a stripped down phone is a bit of a drain on the group and changes the dynamic. I drive girls around this age constantly. The one with the phone, the entire ride becomes about taking silly photos with the camera, playing 2 person games, texting with friends (which is much easier on a phone than a watch). Many of them have access to music and spotify and will watch content on spotify. Point is they will find a way to be interacting with the phone instead of with people even if it's "stripped down". They can go places solo and check in with a watch. My plea to parents of younger kids would be hold off and give the watch.

We haven't had the issue you discuss in no 2. It's just not how my kid uses the phone. Most of her texts are coordinating get togethers with friends, not having conversations, or letting me know about changes of plans. We keep a close eye on it.

I hate the watch because it's harder for kids to disconnect from being always available and interrupted. If they get a text on their watch then they feel obliged to reply. My kid will just say she didn't see the text because her phone was upstairs/in her bag/etc, which is normally true.

With all respect, how do you know what your child is doing with a phone not in your presence? These kids have the phone with them always for carpool situations.

With watch, our kid has to take hers off and put it in charging drawer when she gets home. It is put on to leave home. Just as a suggestion if others are finding a similar issue it's hard for them to disconnect with the watch.

I see her screentime usage and texts. She doesn't have games and nearly all her photos are of our dog. I also drive carpool and see how she behaves. It's not an issue.

You’ve got it all sorted then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a 9th grader, I would encourage waiting until 8th or even longer. Or getting a dumb phone.

Our rule is 15. You get a phone for your 15th birthday. Neither child’s school permits them during the day and they really mean it…they get detention if a phone is out during the day. It hasn’t been a problem. If they need it for an activity I give them my phone and we can contact them through older kid’s or dad’s phone. Because I’m not addicted to my phone either, yay!

[Anonymous]

I didn't get my kid a phone until right before 8th grade. It doesn't really matter that much. He is still as addicted as every other kid. He also found someone to buy weed from on Snapchat.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t formally signed one, because our school’s culture is anti-phone (so nothing of the sort is circulating). But of course I would sign it. My DD is in 8th and doesn’t have a phone yet and I see no reason to give her one. She has a ton of extracurriculars and an active social life. She’d prefer to have one though, of course. But I’m not sure what parents are thinking given what the research says on this topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Group parenting….how weird.

Thinking you know everything and not gaining any insight from other parents' collective experience...how weird.

Are these parents signing it on their electronics/phones?

[Anonymous]

Hey, I just wanted to put it out there that it is possible to wait beyond middle school. My ninth grader doesn't have any kind of phone and doesn't want one; he hates the pressures of texting and group chats, and not having a phone gives him the space away from this stuff that he likes. He does have an iPad, which stays at home. Everyone told me that a high schooler without a phone would make athletic and extracurricular logistics really tough, but it's been totally fine so far. If anything, the logistics of a 7th grader without a phone was harder for us. Now my son goes everywhere independently, and he likes being present in the world without a device. I think this choice would be trickier if I had a daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, I just wanted to put it out there that it is possible to wait beyond middle school. My ninth grader doesn't have any kind of phone and doesn't want one; he hates the pressures of texting and group chats, and not having a phone gives him the space away from this stuff that he likes. He does have an iPad, which stays at home. Everyone told me that a high schooler without a phone would make athletic and extracurricular logistics really tough, but it's been totally fine so far. If anything, the logistics of a 7th grader without a phone was harder for us. Now my son goes everywhere independently, and he likes being present in the world without a device. I think this choice would be trickier if I had a daughter.

That is great, but I hope he is included in everything he wants to be? My son’s friendship group all got phones at the end of 8th except for one kid and that kid is now definitely left out of things - not intentionally, but he’s not included when they plan things because it’s by text and he has missed a few hangouts because of it. His parents have texted the other parents to find out plans but it isn’t working very well now that the parents aren’t the ones making the arrangements.