Shift in 9th, saying he doesn’t care, labeled as smart, do things that are “nerdy”. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

It’s a terrible culture they exists among boys this age.

[Anonymous]

Some of this is definitely developmental and determining identity, but I've also seen this arise when kids encounter tough academics for the first time. If school always came easy to them, and they received praise for it in the past, encountering schoolwork they can't manage can cause a huge shift. It's a defensive measure saying they don't care because they don't want to admit they do care and are struggling.

Don't get lecture -y but make sure your son knows that your main priority is effort, that it's ok not to get something the first time, or the second time, etc and still be a smart kid who can achieve great things. Make sure he knows it's normal and that even the most gifted of kids struggle with topics sometimes z it doesn't mean they're not gifted (particularly if he was ever labeled as gifted etc). Have supports in place to help him learn how to manage the workload and avoid missing assignments. Get tutors quickly if a subject isn't clicking.

[Anonymous]

Omg when i think back to high school, the kids that came over from catholic school in 9th grade were sooooo nerdy. It us a culture shift.

[Anonymous]

He’s depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here—It’s not a small school, and there are theater/music groups lots of clubs as well as sports at the school. I’m hoping when he’s a little more settled and confident (not even this year necessarily) he’ll move towards stepping out a little bit. For now, honestly the academic piece is what I most concerned about because he’s saying things I’ve never heard him say before – – though I can tell he is trying, and it’s still being diligent/seems to care at least thus far.

My guess is that he is still trying hard in classes, but that he is experiencing a few academic difficulties and just saying those things ("don’t care where I go to college," etc, etc) to make himself feel better about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes in the DMV. Now at a Catholic 9-12. Came from a K-8 (not Catholic) and public before that. A little of this started towards the end of 8th

I was going to say, I wonder if this is a Catholic school because it sounds just like my daughter at BI. Formerly loved theater until she got there and found out that there are "sports kids" and "theater kids" and there's very little crossover between those two groups. So she made her choice but secretly still listens to show tunes in the car with me. I'm hoping she finds her way back to it in college. Grades are good so far and she did pretty well on her PSATs (probably not merit semifinalist good but pretty good). She's in honors/APs and hasn't cared too much about being labeled as smart but she's able to brush off the teasing and has found some best friends who accept her for who she is. It seems to be worse for boys with that, so she probably has it a bit easier than your DS though. But she also sees the drama and drinking that goes on with the most popular kids in her grade and is okay not getting too personally involved with that.

If it's any consolation, our experience is that things get better as they get older, when everyone takes APUSH in 11th and many of those popular sporty kids are suddenly talking about selective colleges (e.g. the UVA scatterplot on Scoir is ginormous, everyone applies) and getting recruited for amazing schools.

[Anonymous]

I think the sports kids/theatre kid split is everywhere big enough. My kid is neither, he’s a farm kid which is an entire other group we have in the Midwest. His GF is a student government type and she’s been great for him, because he can “help” without being a nerd, just a good BF.

Give it some time, in 9th they are still figuring out how it all works. In 10th my kid has found his stride.