Sadness about DD's birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year I get really sad around DD's birthday about her growing up. My baby girl is turning 8 next week, and I feel like we are going to be hitting new (big kid) territory. She's still little right now, as in she loves spending time with DH and me, hugs, & still likes/wants to be picked up sometimes, but every new year we get closer to that ending and her birthday is a huge reminder.

We have a trip planned for her birthday this year, to Disneyland, and that will help me enjoy her birthday a little bit better and not feel as sad versus a birthday party because of all the logistics of planning one but it is still hard. She's our only child, so that definitely contributes to it.

DD is only getting older so any advice on how to cope would be super helpful.

What a blessing to have such a child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have trouble accepting a lot of things that are inevitable? This sounds like some kind of anxiety you might want to seek help for.

It’s called having a soul, geez. It’s bittersweet watch your child grow older. That’s been recognized across generations and cultures so you may want to figure out why you think that therapy is for erasing your normal human feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have trouble accepting a lot of things that are inevitable? This sounds like some kind of anxiety you might want to seek help for.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have trouble accepting a lot of things that are inevitable? This sounds like some kind of anxiety you might want to seek help for.

It’s called having a soul, geez. It’s bittersweet watch your child grow older. That’s been recognized across generations and cultures so you may want to figure out why you think that therapy is for erasing your normal human feelings.

Having a little nostalgia is one thing, but trying to cope and experience happiness because you are overwhelmed by sadness is not normal. It is either anxiety or severe main character syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Just enjoy each stage as it arrives. I actually loved 12 months through about age 5, then hated elementary school years, then really enjoyed her from sixth grade onwards.

The WAYS we spent time together changed and evolved, but I found ways to stay connected, each step of the way all the way into adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just enjoy each stage as it arrives. I actually loved 12 months through about age 5, then hated elementary school years, then really enjoyed her from sixth grade onwards.

The WAYS we spent time together changed and evolved, but I found ways to stay connected, each step of the way all the way into adulthood.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year I get really sad around DD's birthday about her growing up. My baby girl is turning 8 next week, and I feel like we are going to be hitting new (big kid) territory. She's still little right now, as in she loves spending time with DH and me, hugs, & still likes/wants to be picked up sometimes, but every new year we get closer to that ending and her birthday is a huge reminder.

We have a trip planned for her birthday this year, to Disneyland, and that will help me enjoy her birthday a little bit better and not feel as sad versus a birthday party because of all the logistics of planning one but it is still hard. She's our only child, so that definitely contributes to it.

DD is only getting older so any advice on how to cope would be super helpful.

It’s not about you

[Anonymous]

OP, I completely understand. We have an only child, a DD with whom we are very, very close. She's 15 now. I do get sad when I see photos of when she was younger, but I remind myself of how lovely it is to have a teen when I find myself laughing out loud over something clever she said. Or being able to talk to her like a young adult. Or seeing her develop academically and emotionally as she heads toward exciting stages of life.

I mean, check back with me when she goes to college, but for now, I keep my nostalgia in check by being grateful that she's healthy, happy, and loves hanging out with her parents (still!).

[Anonymous]

Wait until she comes home from college with a pierced septum and new pronouns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year I get really sad around DD's birthday about her growing up. My baby girl is turning 8 next week, and I feel like we are going to be hitting new (big kid) territory. She's still little right now, as in she loves spending time with DH and me, hugs, & still likes/wants to be picked up sometimes, but every new year we get closer to that ending and her birthday is a huge reminder.

We have a trip planned for her birthday this year, to Disneyland, and that will help me enjoy her birthday a little bit better and not feel as sad versus a birthday party because of all the logistics of planning one but it is still hard. She's our only child, so that definitely contributes to it.

DD is only getting older so any advice on how to cope would be super helpful.

Change your frame of mind. It's really strange that this makes you sad. You should celebrate her milestones. Growing up is what she's supposed to do. Another dose of reality -- try to be sure being her parent is not your entire identity -- that will set you up for lots of problems later.

She'll be off to college in a decade, in all likelihood. You need to celebrate these things. And take care of yourself to be your own best self.

I do celebrate each of her milestones and of course look forward to the future but change is really hard for me personally. I was super into the newborn stage and felt sad when it was over but then felt the same way in the toddler stage, so it is something I experience with all stages. My life is definitely centered around DD and I think we spoil her a little too much but I can't resist.

I mean this as gently as possible: Try to diversify and remember what makes you YOU and don't let your entire identity get wrapped up in being your child's mother. Some of this will probably come naturally as your child becomes a teen, but being conscious of it now will probably help your marriage and your mental health. Take time out for YOU and to explore your interests and personal growth. They are really only in our homes for 18-22 years or so, and then they're off in the world and we need to continue to be the best parents we can be by living our own lives, happily and fulfillingly.

As the now grown daughter, this is very good advice. My mother was very much like OP. She made being my mother her entire identity and once I became a teenager all I wanted was to get away from her. I feel bad about it now, but it was what it was. I decided to go to college across the country and I will never forget her crying to one of my aunts about it, she literally crumpled up into a ball on the floor.

[Anonymous]

You lost me at: the logistics of a party are harder than a trip to Disneyland.

[Anonymous]

OP I feel the same way. I also have a younger one but my older is about to be 8 and that does sound like a big kid! They were just babies, where did that go and you don't get it back. I always wonder too if I was present enough, savored it enough, etc. I definitely look at the baby days with rise committed glasses now but I absolutely miss it as time goes by even as I love your they are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I feel the same way. I also have a younger one but my older is about to be 8 and that does sound like a big kid! They were just babies, where did that go and you don't get it back. I always wonder too if I was present enough, savored it enough, etc. I definitely look at the baby days with rise committed glasses now but I absolutely miss it as time goes by even as I love your they are now.

*Rose colored glasses

[Anonymous]

I have maintained a close relationship with my kids as they grow.

It's hard for me to miss their early stages too much because they are still growing as teens. Just more intellectually than physically.

I remind myself that they are the same person inside and nothing has been lost. It works for me.

My older one is at college and enjoying it. I am really happy for him and that is lifting my spirits even though we aren't in touch daily.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP but what you’re describing is seriously mental. You need therapy.