Sadness about DD's birthday

[Anonymous]

Every year I get really sad around DD's birthday about her growing up. My baby girl is turning 8 next week, and I feel like we are going to be hitting new (big kid) territory. She's still little right now, as in she loves spending time with DH and me, hugs, & still likes/wants to be picked up sometimes, but every new year we get closer to that ending and her birthday is a huge reminder.

We have a trip planned for her birthday this year, to Disneyland, and that will help me enjoy her birthday a little bit better and not feel as sad versus a birthday party because of all the logistics of planning one but it is still hard. She's our only child, so that definitely contributes to it.

DD is only getting older so any advice on how to cope would be super helpful.

[Anonymous]

I get sad too. But I also love my kids getting older. More shared interests (movies, crafts, baking). Deeper conversations.

[Anonymous]

Do you have trouble accepting a lot of things that are inevitable? This sounds like some kind of anxiety you might want to seek help for.

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 year old and this year has been the best so far. She is interested in so many new things. Can listen to stories and asks seniors questions and wants to learn. It's really the sweet spot of kid years so far. And there is still a ton of hugs and snuggles and little kid things. Take every age for what it gifts you.

[Anonymous]

My kids are young adults (20 and 22). Every stage of parenthood can feel like this; the last, great milestone. Every fricking one of those stages is awesome!! Don’t let sadness over ending stages ruin the true joy and bliss of the moment. The little kid stage is great but not better than the others.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a great example of the term bittersweet.

I have an only too, and it has been amazing to see her grow, but I so miss those younger years — babyhood to early elementary especially!

She’s 22 now, and I still feel so nostalgic, particularly around her birthday, Xmas, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a great example of the term bittersweet.

I have an only too, and it has been amazing to see her grow, but I so miss those younger years — babyhood to early elementary especially!

She’s 22 now, and I still feel so nostalgic, particularly around her birthday, Xmas, etc.

Just wanted to add that this is not really a coping strategy, but I do take some time to look at old photos and videos around her birthday by myself. I allow myself to feel all the feelings — happiness for those precious times, longing and sadness for what is past, wonder at what is in store. Then I continue living my current life.

The book Tuck Everlasting is a wonderful, timeless children’s novel — I reread it recently. Perhaps you and/or your daughter would enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

I think most of this hinges on having an only child. While I celebrate my kids birthdays and can get sentimental I don't get sad when they have their birthdays. But we have birthdays all freaking year and I want a month without a birthday party to plan!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a great example of the term bittersweet.

I have an only too, and it has been amazing to see her grow, but I so miss those younger years — babyhood to early elementary especially!

She’s 22 now, and I still feel so nostalgic, particularly around her birthday, Xmas, etc.

Just wanted to add that this is not really a coping strategy, but I do take some time to look at old photos and videos around her birthday by myself. I allow myself to feel all the feelings — happiness for those precious times, longing and sadness for what is past, wonder at what is in store. Then I continue living my current life.

The book Tuck Everlasting is a wonderful, timeless children’s novel — I reread it recently. Perhaps you and/or your daughter would enjoy it.

I've read Tuck Everlasting before, but DD hasn't so I'll start reading it to her at bedtime. I've realized that I don't really take time to actually feel feelings related to things like this but that is super helpful advice, Thank you.

[Anonymous]

You don't want to waste the life you're both living wishing she'd stay little. She will not stay little. You can be wistful or feel a little sad about how time is fleeting. But I'd work on this a bit harder if you are legitimately sad every year on her birthday.

I hate saying this, but the only way for her to "stay little" is for her to die. You don't want that! So be THANKFUL you get to see another year of her precious life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year I get really sad around DD's birthday about her growing up. My baby girl is turning 8 next week, and I feel like we are going to be hitting new (big kid) territory. She's still little right now, as in she loves spending time with DH and me, hugs, & still likes/wants to be picked up sometimes, but every new year we get closer to that ending and her birthday is a huge reminder.

We have a trip planned for her birthday this year, to Disneyland, and that will help me enjoy her birthday a little bit better and not feel as sad versus a birthday party because of all the logistics of planning one but it is still hard. She's our only child, so that definitely contributes to it.

DD is only getting older so any advice on how to cope would be super helpful.

Change your frame of mind. It's really strange that this makes you sad. You should celebrate her milestones. Growing up is what she's supposed to do. Another dose of reality -- try to be sure being her parent is not your entire identity -- that will set you up for lots of problems later.

She'll be off to college in a decade, in all likelihood. You need to celebrate these things. And take care of yourself to be your own best self.

[Anonymous]

You really need to get over yourself. My kids are 20 and 15. One was never into cuddling, the other still is. You get the kids you get, and they can be sweet and delightful even as adults (even if they don't like to cuddle).

[Anonymous]

My kids are in their late thirties, married with kids. I love seeing them grow and have their own families and traditions. I also adore my grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year I get really sad around DD's birthday about her growing up. My baby girl is turning 8 next week, and I feel like we are going to be hitting new (big kid) territory. She's still little right now, as in she loves spending time with DH and me, hugs, & still likes/wants to be picked up sometimes, but every new year we get closer to that ending and her birthday is a huge reminder.

We have a trip planned for her birthday this year, to Disneyland, and that will help me enjoy her birthday a little bit better and not feel as sad versus a birthday party because of all the logistics of planning one but it is still hard. She's our only child, so that definitely contributes to it.

DD is only getting older so any advice on how to cope would be super helpful.

Change your frame of mind. It's really strange that this makes you sad. You should celebrate her milestones. Growing up is what she's supposed to do. Another dose of reality -- try to be sure being her parent is not your entire identity -- that will set you up for lots of problems later.

She'll be off to college in a decade, in all likelihood. You need to celebrate these things. And take care of yourself to be your own best self.

I do celebrate each of her milestones and of course look forward to the future but change is really hard for me personally. I was super into the newborn stage and felt sad when it was over but then felt the same way in the toddler stage, so it is something I experience with all stages. My life is definitely centered around DD and I think we spoil her a little too much but I can't resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year I get really sad around DD's birthday about her growing up. My baby girl is turning 8 next week, and I feel like we are going to be hitting new (big kid) territory. She's still little right now, as in she loves spending time with DH and me, hugs, & still likes/wants to be picked up sometimes, but every new year we get closer to that ending and her birthday is a huge reminder.

We have a trip planned for her birthday this year, to Disneyland, and that will help me enjoy her birthday a little bit better and not feel as sad versus a birthday party because of all the logistics of planning one but it is still hard. She's our only child, so that definitely contributes to it.

DD is only getting older so any advice on how to cope would be super helpful.

Change your frame of mind. It's really strange that this makes you sad. You should celebrate her milestones. Growing up is what she's supposed to do. Another dose of reality -- try to be sure being her parent is not your entire identity -- that will set you up for lots of problems later.

She'll be off to college in a decade, in all likelihood. You need to celebrate these things. And take care of yourself to be your own best self.

I do celebrate each of her milestones and of course look forward to the future but change is really hard for me personally. I was super into the newborn stage and felt sad when it was over but then felt the same way in the toddler stage, so it is something I experience with all stages. My life is definitely centered around DD and I think we spoil her a little too much but I can't resist.

I mean this as gently as possible: Try to diversify and remember what makes you YOU and don't let your entire identity get wrapped up in being your child's mother. Some of this will probably come naturally as your child becomes a teen, but being conscious of it now will probably help your marriage and your mental health. Take time out for YOU and to explore your interests and personal growth. They are really only in our homes for 18-22 years or so, and then they're off in the world and we need to continue to be the best parents we can be by living our own lives, happily and fulfillingly.