My 9-year-old needs constant reminders to get ready, normal or not?

[Anonymous]

I have three kids- this was normal for one and not the others. That one does have ADHD...
I mean I have to remind them all some things sometimes, but once we had a routine they were pretty self sufficient at getting out the door by 1st grade.

For my one kid that struggles, it got SOOO much better once she got a phone. She sets reminders for herself and that does all the reminding. I wouldn't have given her one at 9, but maybe it will help in the future.

Before the phone, we kept calm, expected to give reminders (and didn't get mad about it) and she had lists for herself (which she promptly lost) in convenient spots. When we didn't get mad at her, she was MUCH more willing to be reminded and less cranky. We also convinced her she needs a lot more time to get ready than her siblings...

[Anonymous]

I think its in the range of normal. My third grader has friends who (allegedly) get completely ready on their own while the parent works out or works. My own kid requires prompting to get through the routine but is getting better about certain parts. It's a process, I think, and like anything else, some parents get "lucky" that their kids on board this skill sooner.

[Anonymous]

Sounds a lot like ADHD inattentive.
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its in the range of normal. My third grader has friends who (allegedly) get completely ready on their own while the parent works out or works. My own kid requires prompting to get through the routine but is getting better about certain parts. It's a process, I think, and like anything else, some parents get "lucky" that their kids on board this skill sooner.

Agree there is some 'luck' or personality involved.

My 3rd grader does all this and even helps to keep me on track like reminding me of forms to sign, knows which day is library, etc. They're a morning person, they're self-motivated, school starts late enough that they've slept 10.5+ hours. They also like to have plenty of time--80 minutes from wakeup until they go out the door so they can get ready in a leisurely manner and read at breakfast and still get to school as soon as the doors open.

My teenager has ADHD and gets up maybe 5-7 minutes before the bus comes but always makes it. Having extra time is a disaster when ADHD is involved. When you get up at the last minute, it's very clear what has to be done, and time blindness doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think its in the range of normal. My third grader has friends who (allegedly) get completely ready on their own while the parent works out or works. My own kid requires prompting to get through the routine but is getting better about certain parts. It's a process, I think, and like anything else, some parents get "lucky" that their kids on board this skill sooner.

Agree there is some 'luck' or personality involved.

My 3rd grader does all this and even helps to keep me on track like reminding me of forms to sign, knows which day is library, etc. They're a morning person, they're self-motivated, school starts late enough that they've slept 10.5+ hours. They also like to have plenty of time--80 minutes from wakeup until they go out the door so they can get ready in a leisurely manner and read at breakfast and still get to school as soon as the doors open.

My teenager has ADHD and gets up maybe 5-7 minutes before the bus comes but always makes it. Having extra time is a disaster when ADHD is involved. When you get up at the last minute, it's very clear what has to be done, and time blindness doesn't happen.

Back to your original question. Teen usually needs reminders of the time to stay on track. Yes, they have a phone clock, but I think checking that would be too distracting, so they want me to tell them.

3rd grader might ask or check the time, but I'm very rarely giving reminders.

[Anonymous]

Where’s the other parent? Have them reinforce

[Anonymous]

If you tried everything but nothing for more than a week then you’re an inconsistent parent that has by said inconsistency taught her she needs to do nothing. Try a parenting book. And if she’s on screens get them as far away as possible, they’re terrible for attention span.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you tried everything but nothing for more than a week then you’re an inconsistent parent that has by said inconsistency taught her she needs to do nothing. Try a parenting book. And if she’s on screens get them as far away as possible, they’re terrible for attention span.

I’m a widow but thanks for the shaming, exactly what I needed!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my kids- Autism & ADHD.

[Anonymous]

My Audhd kid is hopeless in the morning even at almost 13. Like if I’m not in the room with her prompting the next step she just flops and does nothing. I kept thinking she’d get better and the progress towards independence is very very slow. It’s one of the ways we knew there was something more going on. It often feels like I’ve worked a whole day just getting her to school in the morning. It takes two of us. And stimulant meds. And a special needs school that has a somewhat flexible arrival time. It’s hard. It’s not even willful defiance - just a lot of floppy, affectionate, sleepy silliness. People with typically developing kids just don’t know.