My 9-year-old needs constant reminders to get ready, normal or not?
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Anonymous
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Every single school morning feels like Groundhog Day with my 9yo DD. I have to remind her of everything: get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, pack backpack. She just stares into space or gets distracted petting the dog while I turn into a broken record.
We’ve tried it all: charts, timers, routines, positive reinforcement, natural consequences. None of it sticks for more than a week. By the time we finally get out the door, I’m exhausted and pissed and she’s cranky. Please tell me this is a phase and share what’s actually helped your kids become a little more self-starting in the mornings. I’m tired of starting every day in a battle. |
Anonymous
| My DD is 10 and has ADHD and mornings are very challenging in the way you describe. She's otherwise a lovely kid but mornings are NOT her thing. We have learned we need to give her more time in the morning to account for the dawdling. And she needs to be well-rested -- mornings are a nightmare when she's tired. Nothing completely fixes the issue and makes her a different kid but having a list of the steps she needs to take upstairs before she comes down and a list of the times she needs to do it (e.g., 7:30 brush teeth, 7:35 get dressed) has helped. She also knows she gets to read once she is done and is sitting and eating her breakfast, and that seems to motivate her. Perhaps let her know she can sit and pet the dog once she's done? But you may just have to accept you need to be more involved than you'd prefer at this particular stage. |
Anonymous
| Yep, it is the same thing over and over and over again. It is the same with bedtime too. If not a shower night, he needs to get his pajamas on and floss and brush his teeth. He is constantly dancing around the room, showing me his baseball swing, throwing and imaginary ball or kicking an imaginary one or some other nonsense until I scream at him to do what he is supposed to be doing. I'm then being mean because I yelled after 6-7 times of telling him calmly to put his pj's on or to brush his teeth. |
Anonymous
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I thought this was normal...
My kids are not morning people. 10 and 8. I wake them up, bring them breakfast, bring them uniforms to put on, tell them when to brush teeth and get coats and shoes...on weekends they do this stuff themselves but at 6:30 am its beyond them. |
Anonymous
| Very normal. Many kids that age are very easily distracted and dont' stay on task - ask teachers! There are way more fun things that occupy their imagination and thoughts then preparing for school! Half their day is spent on classroom management. |
Anonymous
| You can start putting more responsiblity on her. Make sure she has her visual checklist of everything that needs to be done. Give her reminders (but don't get into battles). You can also use a timer that visually ticks down. Give her some time checks and then leave when time is ready. If she goes to school in her pjs or with her hair a mess or without breakfast, it will be a natural consequence that will help over the coming weeks. Let her have natural consequences. |
Anonymous
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I knew the first response would be ADHD. Every thing on DCUM is your kid has ADHD.
I think it's pretty normal. My now 11 year old has gotten a lot better and I think it's about finding systems that work (our DD now has to get fully dressed before coming downstairs which helped a ton) and the big game changer? She meets a friend to walk to school. The obligation and pull of an outside person waiting on her seems to have cured most of her dawdling. |
Anonymous
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Not normal at 9, unless the normal range for getting out the door is from 5 minutes to not today.
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Anonymous
Yes normal to us! Took years, but my teens are very independent. And they still aren’t perfect  Repeat repeat repeat.
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Anonymous
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I think it's normal. The PP who mentioned that kids will be independent on weekends when they don't have to get to school was onto something -- the truth is that kids are expected to act like little adults heading off the work. Get up, eat breakfast, get ready, pack bags, and out the door in time to get to school on a pretty rigid school schedule.
We are fortunate because we are in an urban district where start times are later (8:45 arrival) but it's still challenging some days. Those of you getting kids to school by 7:30 or even earlier are really fighting upstream What we have always done is try to streamline mornings as best we can. Keep breakfast options simple and easy. Organize closets so that clothing choices are easy (or so there is no choice at all -- grab from the top of the stack). I pack my kid's lunch for her, it's the best thing I can do to help her since stuff like getting dressed, brushing hair, etc., she really needs to do herself. We keep toothbrushes and hair stuff in the small bathroom near the front door so that can be done downstairs right after breakfast instead of having to go back upstairs. It's still hard. It feels like it gets a little better every year though. They will get there eventually. |
Anonymous
So I did not say her kid has ADHD. I said mine does. Hope that helps! |
Anonymous
| My 9 yo DD is NOT a morning person. I would be taken aback by this, but DH is the type who is non-functioning until he has coffee. It really doesn't matter what time she goes to bed. I accept that she will be a grouch, we will need to prep everything the night before or it will be an emergency in the morning. I mean everything - outfit, lunch, backpack, coat, shoes, braid hair so it brushes out in seconds, breakfast plate set up - she helps with all of this mostly happily in the evening. Her bus comes at 7 a.m. so she has to be up NLT 6:30. It's much easier for my middle schooler who doesn't leave until after 8. |
Anonymous
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ADHD
Get child tested. |
Anonymous
I think it's very normal at this age. OP, this is the solution. |
Anonymous
Did I write this? It’s the “showing me his baseball swing” for me 😂 is this universal? |