Blended families: Do you watch each other’s kids on nights out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

They are stepparents. Of course they 'watch' the kids. They are family.

This

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would watch them if my husband was at work or not available but he wouldn't just go out with friends, etc. if the kids are with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

They are stepparents. Of course they 'watch' the kids. They are family.

I could see a stepfather declining to be alone with stepdaughters, for example, over the risk them feeling uncomfortable or making an accusation.

No. If this is anyone’s fear, they shouldn’t have become a stepfather to girls.

[Anonymous]

If someone share custody, he should minimize going out on nights his kids are there, regardless of whether there is a step parent there to care for his kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only a sociopath would even ask that question. If you don't want to marry into parenting, you don't want to marry the someone.

You would think so, but sadly many don't see it this way and it creates the weirdest family dynamics once the blended family couple has a child together.

[Anonymous]

If a married couple won't "mind" their stepkids then that's not a blended family. It's a mashup and weird as heck. If you don't trust your spouse to watch your kid why marry them let alone have a kid with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone share custody, he should minimize going out on nights his kids are there, regardless of whether there is a step parent there to care for his kids

Minimize isn't 0.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

They are stepparents. Of course they 'watch' the kids. They are family.

I could see a stepfather declining to be alone with stepdaughters, for example, over the risk them feeling uncomfortable or making an accusation.

No. If this is anyone’s fear, they shouldn’t have become a stepfather to girls.

You don't leave a daughter home alone with a stepfather, period. I had two close friends in high school whose stepfathers molested them. One of their moms chose not to believe her, and it continued for years, and the other one moved across the country to live with her dad after it happened and has a very strained relationship with her mom now (and yes, she divorced him). Don't leave a daughter home alone with an unrelated man. Don't make exceptions.

[Anonymous]

People who are uncomfortable watching their partner's kids or don't want to watch their partner's kids generally do not get married to their partner. They just stay as boyfriend/girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If Tom is going out on his weekend with the kids, we give mom the 1st right to have the kids, for example if we get them Friday after school and Tom is going out, we say... we can get them Saturday or Friday, your choice. Maybe she has plans on Friday, no problem, maybe she misses seeing them on Friday, no problem.

Same for Mary.

Let’s say mom doesn’t want them, or has plans. Would you, the step parent, watch them so Tom could go out on Friday?

If she has plans then it's our weekend, we have the kids stay with us, Tom goes out and I stay with the step kids. (But I love kids in general)

[Anonymous]

If it's a blended family, then isn't it "our" kids not "my" kids or "his" kids? They are all your kids, not step-kids? Just kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

They are stepparents. Of course they 'watch' the kids. They are family.

I could see a stepfather declining to be alone with stepdaughters, for example, over the risk them feeling uncomfortable or making an accusation.

No. If this is anyone’s fear, they shouldn’t have become a stepfather to girls.

You don't leave a daughter home alone with a stepfather, period. I had two close friends in high school whose stepfathers molested them. One of their moms chose not to believe her, and it continued for years, and the other one moved across the country to live with her dad after it happened and has a very strained relationship with her mom now (and yes, she divorced him). Don't leave a daughter home alone with an unrelated man. Don't make exceptions.

I hear what you are saying but bio dads also molest.