Blended families: Do you watch each other’s kids on nights out?

[Anonymous]

Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

[Anonymous]

Are you asking if Tom’s ex or Mary’s ex watch all four kids?

Not how it works in most cases but there are exceptions for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking if Tom’s ex or Mary’s ex watch all four kids?

Not how it works in most cases but there are exceptions for everything.

Or do you mean Mary watches all four while Tom goes out and vice versa?

Yeah, that’s the default.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but there is only one stepkid, and their biological parent lives in another country and is not involved, and the stepparent has been in the kid's life since they were 2. We also have a nanny for our kids, so this rarely comes up. To the point, the stepparent prefers to have all the authority and responsibility of a regular parent, so that's how we manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking if Tom’s ex or Mary’s ex watch all four kids?

Not how it works in most cases but there are exceptions for everything.

Or do you mean Mary watches all four while Tom goes out and vice versa?

Yeah, that’s the default.

Sorry I wasn’t clear. Yes, this is what I mean, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but there is only one stepkid, and their biological parent lives in another country and is not involved, and the stepparent has been in the kid's life since they were 2. We also have a nanny for our kids, so this rarely comes up. To the point, the stepparent prefers to have all the authority and responsibility of a regular parent, so that's how we manage.

We’ve been together since the oldest was about 3, so similar. In my situation, neither ex is receptive to schedule changes like this.

You mention a nanny. We don’t have one, but we have a sitter. Are you saying you have the nanny watch, for example, his kids while he’s out, but you’re home watching the other two? What happens if Tom goes out but Mary doesn’t?

[Anonymous]

My husband is my child’s step parent, and yes husband watched my kid when I made plans with friends. I always verified he was OK with it, and didn’t have his own plans, but he was ok with being the in charge parent when I was out of the house.

He’s an involved step dad though, and is very supportive of my child.

[Anonymous]

If Tom is going out on his weekend with the kids, we give mom the 1st right to have the kids, for example if we get them Friday after school and Tom is going out, we say... we can get them Saturday or Friday, your choice. Maybe she has plans on Friday, no problem, maybe she misses seeing them on Friday, no problem.

Same for Mary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but there is only one stepkid, and their biological parent lives in another country and is not involved, and the stepparent has been in the kid's life since they were 2. We also have a nanny for our kids, so this rarely comes up. To the point, the stepparent prefers to have all the authority and responsibility of a regular parent, so that's how we manage.

We’ve been together since the oldest was about 3, so similar. In my situation, neither ex is receptive to schedule changes like this.

You mention a nanny. We don’t have one, but we have a sitter. Are you saying you have the nanny watch, for example, his kids while he’s out, but you’re home watching the other two? What happens if Tom goes out but Mary doesn’t?

We have one stepkid (mine from early twenties - biological dad lives in another country, so a non-factor outside of summer break). We also have younger kids now that my husband and I had together. I have always had to have a full-time nanny for my oldest, and now more so for the younger kids, as my oldest is old enough to stay home alone. My husband, the stepparent, wanted to be involved from the start and never pushed back on watching stepkid so I could have a girls' night out, even before we had kids together. He recognized I needed a break occasionally, and seeing friends made me happy. This happened maybe once a quarter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If Tom is going out on his weekend with the kids, we give mom the 1st right to have the kids, for example if we get them Friday after school and Tom is going out, we say... we can get them Saturday or Friday, your choice. Maybe she has plans on Friday, no problem, maybe she misses seeing them on Friday, no problem.

Same for Mary.

Let’s say mom doesn’t want them, or has plans. Would you, the step parent, watch them so Tom could go out on Friday?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If Tom is going out on his weekend with the kids, we give mom the 1st right to have the kids, for example if we get them Friday after school and Tom is going out, we say... we can get them Saturday or Friday, your choice. Maybe she has plans on Friday, no problem, maybe she misses seeing them on Friday, no problem.

Same for Mary.

Let’s say mom doesn’t want them, or has plans. Would you, the step parent, watch them so Tom could go out on Friday?

If he wants to, sure. I don't think you should put expectations like that on your partner if they have indicated they don't want to be alone with your kids, though. It might be weird for Tom to be home and hire a babysitter for your kids while he's home.

[Anonymous]

Only a sociopath would even ask that question. If you don't want to marry into parenting, you don't want to marry the someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

They are stepparents. Of course they 'watch' the kids. They are family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

They are stepparents. Of course they 'watch' the kids. They are family.

I could see a stepfather declining to be alone with stepdaughters, for example, over the risk them feeling uncomfortable or making an accusation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or do you plan these things around the child(ren)’s other parent’s custody schedule?

Example:

Tom and Mary are married. Tom has two kids from his first marriage, Mary has one from hers, and they have one together.

Mary/Tom have an activity planned with friends, let’s say its Girl’s Night and Mary is going out to celebrate her friend’s birthday, or, Tom’s friend has a suite for the football game and invited him. Something like that.

Are you watching your step-kids for the night? Or is the other parent turning down their plans because of a childcare conflict?

They are stepparents. Of course they 'watch' the kids. They are family.

I could see a stepfather declining to be alone with stepdaughters, for example, over the risk them feeling uncomfortable or making an accusation.

Whattt? What is this world coming to.