Highly disagreeable teen and emotional damage

[Anonymous]

By “pretty significant issues” in MS, does that mean suicide ideation? Threats? Because I can see getting anxious and wrapped up in her mental state is you’re living under that constant fear. I would be too and feeling I had to talk my kid down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By “pretty significant issues” in MS, does that mean suicide ideation? Threats? Because I can see getting anxious and wrapped up in her mental state is you’re living under that constant fear. I would be too and feeling I had to talk my kid down.

Me again. How long has she been in college? Is this her freshman year? How is she doing besides the fraught-filled texts?

[Anonymous]

OP, I would ask to have this moved to the special needs forum. I have a teen like this, and despite all the therapy in the world for her, me and as a family, it is still a daily struggle.

[Anonymous]

Encourage that child to figure out her issues on her own.

Sounds like you & spouse problem and some boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would ask to have this moved to the special needs forum. I have a teen like this, and despite all the therapy in the world for her, me and as a family, it is still a daily struggle.

This comment rings true. I think the issue is that our DD’s situation is a bit more challenging than standard teen angst. By “crisis” I do not mean a pimple or bad date or ruined laptop. I mean inability to get out of bed and engage with the world or far worse. DW and I have worked hard with DD and her therapist to help her find the tools to help herself (ear, sleep, exercise, journal, mantras, etc). We learned awhile ago not to feed the anxiety and respond very neutrally to texts: “I’m sorry to hear you are having a bad day…we love you…we’ll talk later if you want” but that doesn’t stop the texts from coming and doesn’t mean they don’t impact us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would ask to have this moved to the special needs forum. I have a teen like this, and despite all the therapy in the world for her, me and as a family, it is still a daily struggle.

This comment rings true. I think the issue is that our DD’s situation is a bit more challenging than standard teen angst. By “crisis” I do not mean a pimple or bad date or ruined laptop. I mean inability to get out of bed and engage with the world or far worse. DW and I have worked hard with DD and her therapist to help her find the tools to help herself (ear, sleep, exercise, journal, mantras, etc). We learned awhile ago not to feed the anxiety and respond very neutrally to texts: “I’m sorry to hear you are having a bad day…we love you…we’ll talk later if you want” but that doesn’t stop the texts from coming and doesn’t mean they don’t impact us.

This sounds hard and like you are dealing with some trauma from what has also happened in the past. We have a few things with one of our kids that will remind us of a very dark time with her and set us off and we have to really work not to worry we're right back where we were. I would mostly ignore the posters who are suggesting that it's your fault or that you're just not setting enough boundaries. However, I agree that therapy could help you cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen’s negativity, anxiety and continual emotional “dumping” on DW is taking its toll. It impacts me too but absolutely destroys DW. Teen is now in college, this dynamic began at some point in MS, around time of puberty. Has improved somewhat with therapy and medication, but even with the space of living apart, it still feels like we are living our lives in fear of the next crisis (or perceived crisis). Anyone else going through this and have any wisdom? Is this the dynamic we will live with for the rest of our lives?

Start with defining "dumping".
Unloading his emotional burdens on her like she's a therapist?
Or is she causing conflict and making him lash out at her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen’s negativity, anxiety and continual emotional “dumping” on DW is taking its toll. It impacts me too but absolutely destroys DW. Teen is now in college, this dynamic began at some point in MS, around time of puberty. Has improved somewhat with therapy and medication, but even with the space of living apart, it still feels like we are living our lives in fear of the next crisis (or perceived crisis). Anyone else going through this and have any wisdom? Is this the dynamic we will live with for the rest of our lives?

High school, teen hormones, anxiety of college admissions, financial stress, perimenopause, fear of future etc corrode many parent-teen relationships.