Crush is ruining my brain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
I forgot to add an important thing I think?

I tend to crush on someone who is very kind.
Does this mean I have low self esteem?

Self-discipline cures a LOT of things. Recognize the crush for the unsustainable situation it is. Acknowledge your feelings. Explore what might actually meet your needs (validation, kind treatment) without blowing up your career/marriage/integrity.

An easy place to start would be more conscious language. It's not "ruining your brain". It's taking too much time and resources. One of these framings creates a victim situation where there's nothing you can do about it. The other focuses on a problem you have agency to solve. If this reframing is difficult for you, you might benefit from CBT/DBT and the help of a competent therapist so you're not fighting your default wiring over things you know aren't good for you.

You don't have to demonize the crush to get rid of it, and I agree with PPs upthread who said that may have the opposite effect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I can’t distance myself because it’s at work.
I’m way too old for this nonsense.
Please help me make my brain stop caring about this person. Like enjoying the validation/attention etc.

I’m so disgusted with myself seriously. I remember having a crush years ago and I was able to distance myself and it went away.
This time I can’t though.
How do I make it stop?

My DH has been coming late lately. Tell him I know the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
I forgot to add an important thing I think?

I tend to crush on someone who is very kind.
Does this mean I have low self esteem?

You need to work on your silly writing style.

[Anonymous]

Can you get another job??

Or at least transfer to another department altogether?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
I forgot to add an important thing I think?

I tend to crush on someone who is very kind.
Does this mean I have low self esteem?

You need to work on your silly writing style.

How so?

-Not the OP

[Anonymous]

Don’t pathologize being human!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Enjoy it? That's what I always do. Crushes are healthy. Stop fighting it and you'll get your work done.

But if it’s limerence, it will consume your every waking hour. Sounds like that might be what is going on with OP.

Limerence takes up a lot of head space and you will have to wait it out or make a move to a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
I forgot to add an important thing I think?

I tend to crush on someone who is very kind.
Does this mean I have low self esteem?

You need to work on your silly writing style.

I’m guessing OP is not a native English speaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I can’t distance myself because it’s at work.
I’m way too old for this nonsense.
Please help me make my brain stop caring about this person. Like enjoying the validation/attention etc.

I’m so disgusted with myself seriously. I remember having a crush years ago and I was able to distance myself and it went away.
This time I can’t though.
How do I make it stop?

Either ask him out or wake up. One sided love is unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

I'm hoping both of you are unattached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
I forgot to add an important thing I think?

I tend to crush on someone who is very kind.
Does this mean I have low self esteem?

No. Crushes are normal. Most people get them. You act like you’ve committed some great sin. Stop it, that’s way too navel-gazing. The reason it’s consuming you is that you’re catastrophizing something entirely minor. If you switch your mindset to understanding that this is normal and happens from time to time… it won’t take up as much space in your brain.

Thank you. But for as long as I work here it will be like this…? Should I just accept it u mean?

No. These things tend to cool off. DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
I forgot to add an important thing I think?

I tend to crush on someone who is very kind.
Does this mean I have low self esteem?

You need to work on your silly writing style.

You need to work on your misanthropy

[Anonymous]

When this happens, I always tell myself to give it 10 years. People eventually age and change, and you may also be different then and value different things. Or one of you will move to another company and it will resolve itself naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I can’t distance myself because it’s at work.
I’m way too old for this nonsense.
Please help me make my brain stop caring about this person. Like enjoying the validation/attention etc.

I’m so disgusted with myself seriously. I remember having a crush years ago and I was able to distance myself and it went away.
This time I can’t though.
How do I make it stop?

When was the last time you got properly railed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
I forgot to add an important thing I think?

I tend to crush on someone who is very kind.
Does this mean I have low self esteem?

No. Crushes are normal. Most people get them. You act like you’ve committed some great sin. Stop it, that’s way too navel-gazing. The reason it’s consuming you is that you’re catastrophizing something entirely minor. If you switch your mindset to understanding that this is normal and happens from time to time… it won’t take up as much space in your brain.

Not most people. Most women. Sadly men who tend to react to crushes the same women do are weird AF and also more likely to be stalkers