Mean Girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are U12 and we have 2x girls on the team that are terrible this way. 100% it is brought on by the parents. This is how they talk to their kids in public and now the kids talk to the their teammates this way. Its exhausting. One time, we had a game where both of those players were gone and the whole team was magically happy again.

Sometimes, the Coach or Parent pushes the kid to "step-up" and be a leader on the field. -Give me a break. No Coach should ever single out some pre-teen to be a leader on the field. The kids do not have the mental capacity to handle those kids of demands on the field. The captain's arm-band should be rotated around to all players. True, healthy team leadership does not emerge until kids are about 17 years old.

I would send a message to the coach to work on some team bonding types of exercises and lay out your concerns. Explain the importance of having the kids talk to each other in a positive & supporting way.

Trust me, most of the other kids on the team probably do not like it either.

Mostly agree except the I do think Coach can push kids up to step up and be a leader on the filed and this mostly through communication and setting example and be a good teammate. It shouldn't focus on 1 player but multiple players that are up for the challenge. Not everyone want this role and not everyone can do this role especially at this age. The captain arm band if it means something then it should go to the kids who work hard and have demonstrated good characters from practices and/or games. It shouldn't just rotating to everyone just as participation trophy otherwise get rid of it completely.

and first thing you should talk to your kid on how to handle the situation before going to the coach. If all else failed then yes contact the coach about the concerns without naming names. Coaches know who these kids are already,

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]How to Help Your Child Handle Mean Girls on Her Team

DD, U13 is on the top team at a big club, been getting picked on and verbally targeted by two girls on her team.

One of them is a “star player” with a nasty, sassy attitude — the classic mean-girl type who gets away with everything. She’s loud, constantly yelling at everyone because she’s the captain, and acts like she can do no wrong. Her behavior is rude and disrespectful, both on and off the field, and her mom never steps in or corrects her. This makes practices really uncomfortable for dd and others.

The other girl is also very loud — she spends most of practice screaming at teammates to pass the ball, literally yelling her head off the entire time.

I’m trying to figure out how to help my daughter handle this situation and deal with the negativity during practices.[/quote]

I know exactly who you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Only shock to me is OP doesn’t say it’s a coach’s kid. Also agree don’t look to other parents to “correct” behavior you don’t like in other kids- they may see nothing wrong with it. Focus on building your kid for how to handle and how much you will let them take before would change teams-every family has different thresholds.

[Anonymous]

What some may call rude and disrespectful others may call competitive. It sucks but it's part of life everywhere. Not everyone wants to get along with everyone. Some people want to dominate others. Not everyone thinks adults should step in to solve problems for kids. Not everyone is uncomfortable with the same things. This includes many coaches who think the kids should battle it out with each other and let the strong weed out the weak.

You can't control how the other people think and behave. Your daughter needs to learn how to navigate this type of situation because it's going to be repeated over and over. The answer can't be to force others to change or have someone else fix it for them. Knowing when to stand up for herself, how to deal with toxic people, and knowing when it's time to walk away (ie leave the team) are all part of the learning process.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this in the circle at half time, coaches present. DD spoke up, generally, about not attacking players personally and how everyone should be more positive. They listened for a bit, then went back to the old ways.

[Anonymous]

OP— I told my daughter to stand up for herself and start speaking up, but she’s just not that type of person. I think that’s why she’s become an easy target for a mean girl. It’s been going on for a while, and even though I keep encouraging her to fight back, it sometimes feels like she sees me as another person pushing her too hard.

Last night, on the car ride home after practice, I asked if she was even happy being on the team and playing there. Her answer was “50/50,” and she said it in such a sad voice. I can feel her pain, but I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Are there any coaches or programs that focus on building confidence and helping kids strengthen their mindset—both on and off the field?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— I told my daughter to stand up for herself and start speaking up, but she’s just not that type of person. I think that’s why she’s become an easy target for a mean girl. It’s been going on for a while, and even though I keep encouraging her to fight back, it sometimes feels like she sees me as another person pushing her too hard.

Last night, on the car ride home after practice, I asked if she was even happy being on the team and playing there. Her answer was “50/50,” and she said it in such a sad voice. I can feel her pain, but I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Are there any coaches or programs that focus on building confidence and helping kids strengthen their mindset—both on and off the field?

In my experience, if your DD doesn't have the right personality/"it" factor, fighting back can backfire on her as the bullies play the victim. It really is a difficult dynamic for some girls to navigate. My own DD quit her sport, in part, because of the mean girls.

[Anonymous]

So many mean girls out there and coaches who encourage it. (They are dying to say these mean things themselves but know they can’t. So they let the girls do it.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP— I told my daughter to stand up for herself and start speaking up, but she’s just not that type of person. I think that’s why she’s become an easy target for a mean girl. It’s been going on for a while, and even though I keep encouraging her to fight back, it sometimes feels like she sees me as another person pushing her too hard.

Last night, on the car ride home after practice, I asked if she was even happy being on the team and playing there. Her answer was “50/50,” and she said it in such a sad voice. I can feel her pain, but I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

Are there any coaches or programs that focus on building confidence and helping kids strengthen their mindset—both on and off the field?

Yes, some top clubs and coaches work to build a more collaborative culture/team. But even then, when you have highly competitive people, you'll still see clashes. If possible, try to get your kid a soccer mentor, who maybe can help with advice. Some outside trainers focus on this as it's part of the mental aspect of the game. You don't just have to worry about the other team, sometimes you have to worry about your own team even more!

[Anonymous]

Another side of this is it wouldn't surprise me if some of these overbearing kids are struggling with their own issues (I know of some kids who act this way have ADHD -- and who knows if they even are getting treatment be it drugs and/or therapy -- and that family might just be doing that ... For them, soccer actually might be one of the more positive things in their life and underneath it all, they might be working super hard not to be mean).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another side of this is it wouldn't surprise me if some of these overbearing kids are struggling with their own issues (I know of some kids who act this way have ADHD -- and who knows if they even are getting treatment be it drugs and/or therapy -- and that family might just be doing that ... For them, soccer actually might be one of the more positive things in their life and underneath it all, they might be working super hard not to be mean).

Most people who are mean and bully are not happy with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another side of this is it wouldn't surprise me if some of these overbearing kids are struggling with their own issues (I know of some kids who act this way have ADHD -- and who knows if they even are getting treatment be it drugs and/or therapy -- and that family might just be doing that ... For them, soccer actually might be one of the more positive things in their life and underneath it all, they might be working super hard not to be mean).

Most people who are mean and bully are not happy with themselves.

And some don't understand why and are also growing up at the same time. Grace and patience is needed for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another side of this is it wouldn't surprise me if some of these overbearing kids are struggling with their own issues (I know of some kids who act this way have ADHD -- and who knows if they even are getting treatment be it drugs and/or therapy -- and that family might just be doing that ... For them, soccer actually might be one of the more positive things in their life and underneath it all, they might be working super hard not to be mean).

Most people who are mean and bully are not happy with themselves.

And some don't understand why and are also growing up at the same time. Grace and patience is needed for all.

True, but if they're taking it out on MY kid it's a problem now, which is what sounds like the OP is describing

[Anonymous]

OP, I would bring it up to the coach. Bullying is a Safesport violation and it is reportable.

There might not be anything too it, but the coach should try to foster an atmosphere of mutual respect on the team.

Talk to your coach, tell him your DD is considering quitting the team. I am sure the club leadership would be concerned if they knew the reason was bullying.

Send your coach this link to a handbook to help prevent bullying:
https://eptoolkit.uscenterforsafesport.org/prevent-bullying/?_gl=1*ixxa3u*_gcl_au*OTQ4MjA3MDgzLjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga*NDUxNjQ1MTQ4LjE3NjAwMzEwNjg.*_ga_MBN6TFWKW0*czE3NjAwMzEwNjckbzEkZzAkdDE3NjAwMzEwNzckajUwJGwwJGgw&_ga=2.104619267.2055339808.1760031068-451645148.1760031068

If nothing works, you can report it here:
https://safesport.i-sight.com/portal
1-877-587-7233

[Anonymous]

Tell her to punch them in the Medulla Oblongata. Turns their lights out instantly. Then step over their bodies and play some soccer.