Sickly family member's recent will changes

[Anonymous]

How are either side’s wives? Rich? Poor me? Nice? Nosy? Especially socially minded vs more private or businesslike?

Email non stop? That stuff doesn’t work for me but I know people it would work for..

My single 2nd cousin drove 2 hours every couple month the last few years to suddenly sit with and talk to one rich childless widowed aunt. That aunt didn’t change her will, but the 2nd cousin pissed off all the local cousins.
My father was POA and executor (big PITA btw if one thing needs probate) but her 1st cousins never stopped talking about the ambulance chaser behavior.

[Anonymous]

I would only get involved if you've seen the paperwork.

Next, I'd talk to the son who is inheriting about how this could potentially destroy his relationship with his brother. And that no amount of money seems worth that and heavily suggest he split the inheritance with his brother.

If this was my family, there is no world where I would take a 100% inheritance and let my sibling get burned. Absolutely not.

This would taint the way I'd feel about this brother/uncle because his decision could rip apart YOUR family. I'd have a hard time getting over that.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Are you sockpuppeting, OP? This scenario is almost identical to this recent 21-page thread (https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1294529.page), except the sickly childless unmarried Aunt of that thread has been changed to a sickly childless unmarried Uncle in this one, and so on.

Either way, the will change was made several years ago (per your previous thread), and the relative is still going strong, so there’s not much that can be changed, and it’s not your place to try to change the estate plan of your Sibling or Aunts/Uncle, whether you like it or not.

If you’re really a concerned parent, focus on yourself and what you can leave your kids (since that seems very important to you). If you’re the disgruntled niece/nephew, do the same. Your Sibling or Aunts/Uncle don’t deserve this level of bitterness, and they need to ensure they will have help and care at the end of their life. They obviously feel this is the best way to accomplish and reward that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your brother wants to give everything to one of your two sons?

So what? I mean, if your son who's getting everything is an honorable man, he will split whatever he gets with his brother. Your brother will never know.

But this will be a gift, not an inheritance. And there are implications to that.

[Anonymous]

Mind the gift taxes or lifetime limit clock. $1M is 1/15th of it…

What a royal mess and breach of family integrity if this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I'd imply to the son who is the executor that if he didn't split it evenly I'd leave everything to his brother.

Are your boys close?

It's a sh-tty situation, OP.

Yes, I would twist his arm. No child of mine is allowed to be that money-grubbing. I have strong feelings about this because I witnessed a quarter-century lawsuit between my uncle and his sisters (including my mother) regarding my grandfather's will. I have also drilled into my kids that the only right way of splitting an inheritance is equally.

[Anonymous]

I am actually surprised by the original post and the responses. This reeks of entitlement. It is the "uncle"'s money and he can do whatever he wants with it. Where is this expectation that he should do it the way you are expecting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am actually surprised by the original post and the responses. This reeks of entitlement. It is the "uncle"'s money and he can do whatever he wants with it. Where is this expectation that he should do it the way you are expecting?

You’re the one off base from societal norms. You don’t play favorites with your bequeathed millions unless there was a major issue with the other person or you want to cause one.

Yes I get the old folks are lonely and some are susceptible to extra attention towards the end, but guess what. Grifters know that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually surprised by the original post and the responses. This reeks of entitlement. It is the "uncle"'s money and he can do whatever he wants with it. Where is this expectation that he should do it the way you are expecting?

You’re the one off base from societal norms. You don’t play favorites with your bequeathed millions unless there was a major issue with the other person or you want to cause one.

Yes I get the old folks are lonely and some are susceptible to extra attention towards the end, but guess what. Grifters know that too.

OP, is this your thread as well?
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/300/1294529.page

Your relatives seem to have made their choices based on who they trust will help them in their final years. It’s that simple.

Regardless, even many grown children are promised substantial inheritances only to find they’ve dwindled in the end due to medical care and other costs. That’s life.

Be grateful you’re not involved in their caretaking and let your relatives live in peace. It’s their life and money, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would only get involved if you've seen the paperwork.

Next, I'd talk to the son who is inheriting about how this could potentially destroy his relationship with his brother. And that no amount of money seems worth that and heavily suggest he split the inheritance with his brother.

If this was my family, there is no world where I would take a 100% inheritance and let my sibling get burned. Absolutely not.

This would taint the way I'd feel about this brother/uncle because his decision could rip apart YOUR family. I'd have a hard time getting over that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I'd imply to the son who is the executor that if he didn't split it evenly I'd leave everything to his brother.

Are your boys close?

It's a sh-tty situation, OP.

Yes, I would twist his arm. No child of mine is allowed to be that money-grubbing. I have strong feelings about this because I witnessed a quarter-century lawsuit between my uncle and his sisters (including my mother) regarding my grandfather's will. I have also drilled into my kids that the only right way of splitting an inheritance is equally.

This.

[Anonymous]

Tell your brother to leave it all to charity. Seriously.

And +1 that at least you aren't the caretaker. Maybe let the caretaker blow it all if she's not too old herself.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know that you should take the word of your brother’s partner at face value if they’ve had a rocky relationship and are sometimes mean to each other. You can talk to your brother about his plans and point out that this has the potential to cause a big rift between your sons if that’s really what he’s planning, but he’s free to do whatever he wants with his estate.

You can also talk to your son who is set to inherit about how he plans to handle the favoritism and maintain a good relationship with his brother, but again, once he inherits, it’s his money and he can do as he pleases. Memorialize these conversations in writing so you can show your other son that you did not support this and attempted to intervene, in case he ever finds out. Hopefully he never will. You should ask your younger son if he plans to disclose this to his older brother.

[Anonymous]

Look these people are all adults and unless you have concerns about coercion or elder abuse, you don't have a leg to stand on. You're not a party here. You can't manage the relationship between your adult sons. That's up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What recourse does one have if during a former hospitalization stint, a sickly relative redid their will to go 100% to one nephew as sole beneficiary and executor and not split amongst the two nephews?

You have no recourse, no should you.

It's HIS money and his decision to decide how he wishes to distribute it.