Do people do dinner together anymore?

[Anonymous]

Jewish holidays next week and we are having dinner with friends 4/7 nights at various houses. You just have to do it if you want to.
We do it on weekdays as well and kids sit at the table as it's interesting. (ES kids) and it's hard managing around activities etc but we have always prioritized family dinner over sports so we eat at 6:30 most nights with or without other families.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all. This is honestly all encouraging. Just the variety of answers.
-OP

[Anonymous]

Invite people over? Not really. Go out for dinner/drinks/coffee? 100% yes.

[Anonymous]

What a waste of resources

[Anonymous]

We do this all the time. Our house is not that clean but we eat with other families with similar age kids. It's not "entertaining" with big expectations but more a chance to get together in a relaxed way. Simple food, grilling, or takeout. Start with people you know well or neighbors so you don't feel as on guard or judged.

[Anonymous]

My house is a perpetual mess and it's not as nice as anyone else's house. And I have social anxiety too. We host about once a month - that's what I can manage. Saturdays at 5 or 6pm. I like to have an activity so we will do board games or a joint cooking activity with the kids,. About half the families I invite will decline though (allergic to dogs, many food restrictions, I think a few just don't want that sort of relationship), and about half of the people I invite won't reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

You don't invite other people over on a weeknight. And the kids don't have to sit at the table. And obviously you straighten up before you have guests over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't invite other people over on a weeknight. And the kids don't have to sit at the table. And obviously you straighten up before you have guests over.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

We have three kids (5, 4, and a baby) and we have people over for dinner all the time! Probably about once a week, weekends and weekdays. I think building community is important, having fun and making sure your guests are having fun and have plenty of food is what matters and the rest is just life.

Our kids are good at sitting at the table for 20-30 mins every night, but that’s because we’ve done it literally every single night of their lives since they were strapped in to their high chairs. They have to ask to be excused. But their table manners otherwise leave a LOT to be desired (we really let things go for a while with the new baby) so there’s a lot of shoving food in their mouths with their hands, talking with mouths full, etc. We keep our house fairly neat (cause that’s my preference, I don’t like clutter) but sometimes the kids have been playing and there’s toys everywhere. And it’s not very clean - we have house cleaners who come monthly and besides sweeping and evening kitchen cleanup, don’t clean otherwise.

People come over, and it’s chaotic and that’s fine. Don’t wait until your house and life are perfect to build community. Figure out the timing logistics and do it.

I will say we have one parent who works from home and gets the kids and one parent who works 9-5 on an office, so everyone is reliably home at 5:45 on weeknights. We tell guests to come anytime between 5:45 and 6:30 and we eat between 6:30 and 7. If we’re busy and stressed, we’re not above ordering pizza or Chinese for dinner. And it’s never a fancy meal.

[Anonymous]

We loved entertaining, in a past life. The whole deal - big meal, great wine, etc.

These days entertaining looks really different but it's also great. We invite neighborhood friends (usually one family at a time) over for a simple BBQ, pizza or takeout. Everyone's kids are doing their thing (ages 3-10) and adults get some chat time. Our houses are clean but lived in, everyone understands and is the same because of the phase of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We loved entertaining, in a past life. The whole deal - big meal, great wine, etc.

These days entertaining looks really different but it's also great. We invite neighborhood friends (usually one family at a time) over for a simple BBQ, pizza or takeout. Everyone's kids are doing their thing (ages 3-10) and adults get some chat time. Our houses are clean but lived in, everyone understands and is the same because of the phase of life.

+1. Start small and low key with people you enjoy and that you know won’t judge. It doesn’t have to be fancy, just be authentic and a place to gather.

[Anonymous]

We basically never invited people over for dinner before Covid or since. Not literally never, but only close friends and rarely. My parents didn’t really do this either, unless it was a holiday. It honestly sounds like stressful thing to add to life. Meeting up in a restaurant is much easier.

[Anonymous]

Do it! I’m sure your friends would love to hang out with you. As long as eating areas appear sanitary, I wouldn’t mind the mess.

[Anonymous]

Why not try for a Sunday dinner - start a little earlier and school the next day guarantees that everyone keeps things moving. OR Saturday later dinner with kids with their own food and space and nicer “adult” dinner and conversation.

Just clean the “public” parts of the house.

If you host you can propose whatever you like! And then most allergies (at least to food) are easily avoidable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Help me think about / let’s discuss:
Having people over for dinner.

I think between 2020-2025 we got really, really, and I mean, really, out of the habit. Kids then were 9, 5, and 3, so we weren’t entertaining frequently then either. In fact now, we have a much better setup for it, but some factors keep me from doing so

Stuff that makes me stop short of inviting friends over:
-we keep our house 50% clean. I focus on systems that keep us running. Laundry, are water bottles clean, most dishes every day. But stuff that’s out.. it’s a miracle if it all gets put away.
-kids behavior. We focus heavily on dinnertime all together, but lately our two young kids..well their adhd is showing. They don’t seem to sit for 4 minutes+. Efforts to get them to sit requires a lot of figurative fights over respect
-time. What families have any time anymore? Even my DH gets home from work most days at 7:00. He physically cannot leave at 6 like he’s supposed to. There are about 2-3 days per week where he IS home for 5-7. But do families like weeknight invites? Weekends are hard too.. we get looser with our schedule, with real meals. (Pizza! Or Snack plate with a bunch of food groups!)

Dietary restrictions or pickiness for guests is another tough issue, but I’m happy to help. But also, for some friends of ours, it gives me more work to do (again, happy to, but is another obstacle)

If I could solve all three / four issues, do people do dinner together anymore?? I actually have ~25 families I’d love to hang with. Coworkers, DH’s coworkers, kids’ friends, neighbors. Where do I even start? I feel like I could manage 1 per month at best.

Do your friends, acquaintances, and work colleagues a favor and don't invite them to your house for any reason. Just thinking about having to endure even ten minutes with you is unendurable.