College ds advice

[Anonymous]

I think cars first year are generally a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ds is a freshman and he is doing well in school, has friends, activities. But his girlfriend (since junior year, she is great so that’s not an issue) is two hours away and he visits her every other weekend. He also has spent down nearly all his savings. He has a separate card for food beyond dining hall, things he needs for school. He is frugal with that but not at all with his own account. He has a job during most of high school and was also terrible about saving but bc he worked, he replenished the account. How concerned would you be about all of this? We told him spacing out visits would be good, focusing on job search, only bc he is spending so much. I just really want him to figure out good balance and not focus just on his girlfriend and also learn to budget better but it’s not sinking in. At the same time i don’t want to create a wedge by taking the car away or hammering the point endlessly.

If he was dating randos, drugging or drinking, that would cost as much and bad for him. If he is doing well and only distraction is a decent steady girlfriend, count it as a blessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ds is a freshman and he is doing well in school, has friends, activities. But his girlfriend (since junior year, she is great so that’s not an issue) is two hours away and he visits her every other weekend. He also has spent down nearly all his savings. He has a separate card for food beyond dining hall, things he needs for school. He is frugal with that but not at all with his own account. He has a job during most of high school and was also terrible about saving but bc he worked, he replenished the account. How concerned would you be about all of this? We told him spacing out visits would be good, focusing on job search, only bc he is spending so much. I just really want him to figure out good balance and not focus just on his girlfriend and also learn to budget better but it’s not sinking in. At the same time i don’t want to create a wedge by taking the car away or hammering the point endlessly.

If he was dating randos, drugging or drinking, that would cost as much and bad for him. If he is doing well and only distraction is a decent steady girlfriend, count it as a blessing.

This. She's probably a good influence. Or at least this is no worse than what he would do with his weekends single.

As for learning to budget, no pain no gain. Let him experience the consequences of his choices.

[Anonymous]

Kid is getting merit scholarship, doing well in classes and did earn money during summer. Freshman year is a big transition so go easy on him. So many freshman go through mental health issues. Imo not a good idea to put too much pressure.

[Anonymous]

Campus jobs are often filled by work-study and financial aid eligible students. Many colleges don't offer many paid opportunities for freshmen.

[Anonymous]

*for full pay freshman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think cars first year are generally a bad idea.

YES! My sister got one sophomore year and spent all of her time driving back to our hometown to check on what her boyfriend was doing! Terrible decision on my parents' part to give her a car. She ultimately forced him into a early marriage before she even graduated, had two kids in rapid succesion and was divorced in three years. Total mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think cars first year are generally a bad idea.

YES! My sister got one sophomore year and spent all of her time driving back to our hometown to check on what her boyfriend was doing! Terrible decision on my parents' part to give her a car. She ultimately forced him into a early marriage before she even graduated, had two kids in rapid succesion and was divorced in three years. Total mess.

It is normal for most kids in the second year (sophomore) to have cars. They live off-campus.

My kid has a car and comes home during breaks or long weekends. We live 2hrs away.

Your sister obviously had other issues. Can't believe you are blaming your parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP as much as it may pain you, you need to pretend it’s 1994 and remain less engaged. Be crystal clear about what expectations you have - min 3.0 GPA and telling you when he’s going to be off campus for an extended period of time - and that.is.it.

When he asks for your advice/permission, 100% of the time your response should be “what do you think?”

This.
Plus he's adult..
Let him figure out how he's going to continue visiting his long distance girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

1). We did not let any of our kids have a car as a freshman. Don’t care how rural or how far away from us.

2). He needs to pay for this extracurricular activity.

Yeah he’s going to be pissed, but you’ve already allowed more than many parents would have just with providing a car his freshman year.

[Anonymous]

I would share my thoughts and I will let it go.