How to advise 8th Grader about College

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in FCPS and in her second year of some high school credit classes (language/math). It is obvious from conversations that she doesn’t understand the impact of her grades on her high school GPA and ultimately college opportunities.

She is a mostly A student, but ended 7th grade Algebra with a B+ . On the one hand she is highly self motivated, an avid reader and excellent writer. On the other hand she puts a lot of stress on herself and doesn’t understand time management or that the high school courses require the most focus as they “count.”

Parents: Graduated College in 2002/2003 from HYP and a SLAC having grown up in a high pressure cooker environment where everyone we knew was college bound. We both have graduate degrees and doing well, but have tried to de-emphasize the over pressure of our youth for our own kids.

Yet, so much of our education was funneling us, we understood young that we needed to be “well rounded, high achieving and in solid stand out ECs.”

Is there a class for younger kids? Should we casually be visiting college campuses? I just feel like it is both way more competitive now, and some how my child is clueless. (So maybe we the parents are too about how to prepare her.)

The only thing you can do to take it up a notch is if you cut out snacks, treats, playtime if grades dont improve.

Otherwise you are doing an absolutely terrific job of stressing out your kid.

[Anonymous]

Is this a troll post?

If not, just have DD drop all high school classes and do middle school ones instead. She can (and should) retake Algebra 2 in high school assuming your school allows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not that hard, honestly. You point out the team of workmen digging up the street and holding the "stop" sign and you say these guys didn't generally do well in school and likely didn't go to college

And the people at the grocery store working the check out.

And then you talk about the doctor you visit or the dentist and how they needed very advanced degrees to do what they do.

And then you talk about money and what you can afford and cannot afford depending on your career.

I told my son this when he was EIGHT and he 100% took it on board.

You can’t motivate your kid without disrespecting others? What a shameful approach.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your dd is self-motivated and doing her very best, you need to relax. If you don’t want her to grow up in a pressure cooker environment, then you can’t freak out about a B+ in 7th grade. College visits for an 8th grader are way outside the norm. You sound kind of crazy.

Honestly, it seems like you’re just saying you don’t want your dd to feel like she’s in a pressure cooker, but you do want her to feel that way if it will produce the results you want. I think you need to step back and work on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if your dd is self-motivated and doing her very best, you need to relax. If you don’t want her to grow up in a pressure cooker environment, then you can’t freak out about a B+ in 7th grade. College visits for an 8th grader are way outside the norm. You sound kind of crazy.

Honestly, it seems like you’re just saying you don’t want your dd to feel like she’s in a pressure cooker, but you do want her to feel that way if it will produce the results you want. I think you need to step back and work on yourself.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the push for high school classes in 7th grade? Do you have an end goal in mind?

People move to Virginia for UVA. The price + prestige combination seems unbeatable to them. Then they discover that getting into UVA from FCPS is a developmentally-inappropriate arms race which at this point requires students to run a six-year marathon in a pressure cooker. Faced with the choice of their child attending a lower-ranked Virginia state school, or paying for a similarly-ranked private or OOS school, parents instead decide to put more and more pressure on their kids. The end goal is UVA, but it’s also about justifying the parents’ choices about where and how to invest in real estate and raise their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your kid be a kid. Please stop. You’re on track for the kid to hate you and or have a mental health crisis.

Unfortunately, That one B+ in 7th grade could already ruin her chances at top schools.

And you think she’ll live a miserable existence, toiling in anonymity and squalor, if she doesn’t go to a T20 school?

[Anonymous]

Stop. Your DD should be trying out different things, socializing away from screens, and just being who she is. Raise the child you have. You don’t know what she’ll be like when she’s 17 and you don’t know what the world will be like then. There are a lot of kids who are top
Students in middle school but not at the top in high school- and vice versa. Take things as they come.

[Anonymous]

If you’re worried have her retake it for credit recovery. But to your premise I think kids come to the point of successful grade management at different times and none of mine got that in MS. I didn’t see that level of maturity until closer To 10th grade. My one with straight As before that was just a natural at school.

[Anonymous]

Wow -- I'm not from DC and I am very surprised to hear that courses taken before 9th grade factor into a high school GPA. That doesn't make any sense.

Colleges don't count grades from outside institutions in a GPA for transfers and study abroad students. High school should not count grades earned outside the high school into GPA either. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow -- I'm not from DC and I am very surprised to hear that courses taken before 9th grade factor into a high school GPA. That doesn't make any sense.

Colleges don't count grades from outside institutions in a GPA for transfers and study abroad students. High school should not count grades earned outside the high school into GPA either. Weird.

The school systems here do it if you take high school level classes in middle school. They consider world languages and math classes starting with algebra I to be high school level. Generally, you can choose not to have those classes on your high school transcript if you didn’t do well in middle school. Those classes can be retaken in high school.

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, do not let your DD know you’re already worried about her future!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in FCPS and in her second year of some high school credit classes (language/math). It is obvious from conversations that she doesn’t understand the impact of her grades on her high school GPA and ultimately college opportunities.

She is a mostly A student, but ended 7th grade Algebra with a B+ . On the one hand she is highly self motivated, an avid reader and excellent writer. On the other hand she puts a lot of stress on herself and doesn’t understand time management or that the high school courses require the most focus as they “count.”

Parents: Graduated College in 2002/2003 from HYP and a SLAC having grown up in a high pressure cooker environment where everyone we knew was college bound. We both have graduate degrees and doing well, but have tried to de-emphasize the over pressure of our youth for our own kids.

Yet, so much of our education was funneling us, we understood young that we needed to be “well rounded, high achieving and in solid stand out ECs.”

Is there a class for younger kids? Should we casually be visiting college campuses? I just feel like it is both way more competitive now, and some how my child is clueless. (So maybe we the parents are too about how to prepare her.)

Yet here you are worried about a B+ in 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell yourself that there will be a college that's right for whoever your kid turns out to be, not that your kid needs to make herself fit a preselected group of colleges. Then you relax.

This is the best advice on the thread. I have a high school sophomore and we are just (barely!) starting to talk about college and probably won't visit any until this summer (summer before junior year) at the earliest. Focus on helping your kid figure out who they are and what they love, not on perfect grades.

[Anonymous]

Read Overachievers: the secret lives of driven kids (or something similar) by Alexandra Robbins. Written by a journalist who followed kids at a Montgomery County high school for a year.
And then back the heck off.