How to advise 8th Grader about College

[Anonymous]

DD is in FCPS and in her second year of some high school credit classes (language/math). It is obvious from conversations that she doesn’t understand the impact of her grades on her high school GPA and ultimately college opportunities.

She is a mostly A student, but ended 7th grade Algebra with a B+ . On the one hand she is highly self motivated, an avid reader and excellent writer. On the other hand she puts a lot of stress on herself and doesn’t understand time management or that the high school courses require the most focus as they “count.”

Parents: Graduated College in 2002/2003 from HYP and a SLAC having grown up in a high pressure cooker environment where everyone we knew was college bound. We both have graduate degrees and doing well, but have tried to de-emphasize the over pressure of our youth for our own kids.

Yet, so much of our education was funneling us, we understood young that we needed to be “well rounded, high achieving and in solid stand out ECs.”

Is there a class for younger kids? Should we casually be visiting college campuses? I just feel like it is both way more competitive now, and some how my child is clueless. (So maybe we the parents are too about how to prepare her.)

[Anonymous]

Let your kid be a kid. Please stop. You’re on track for the kid to hate you and or have a mental health crisis.

[Anonymous]

Why the push for high school classes in 7th grade? Do you have an end goal in mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in FCPS and in her second year of some high school credit classes (language/math). It is obvious from conversations that she doesn’t understand the impact of her grades on her high school GPA and ultimately college opportunities.

She is a mostly A student, but ended 7th grade Algebra with a B+ . On the one hand she is highly self motivated, an avid reader and excellent writer. On the other hand she puts a lot of stress on herself and doesn’t understand time management or that the high school courses require the most focus as they “count.”

Parents: Graduated College in 2002/2003 from HYP and a SLAC having grown up in a high pressure cooker environment where everyone we knew was college bound. We both have graduate degrees and doing well, but have tried to de-emphasize the over pressure of our youth for our own kids.

Yet, so much of our education was funneling us, we understood young that we needed to be “well rounded, high achieving and in solid stand out ECs.”

Is there a class for younger kids? Should we casually be visiting college campuses? I just feel like it is both way more competitive now, and some how my child is clueless. (So maybe we the parents are too about how to prepare her.)

Why don’t you think she doesn’t understand that high school courses count the most if she’s highly self motivated and already puts stress on herself? Just from your email, I can guess that you’ve probably already made this point to her more than once.

[Anonymous]

Please don’t put additional stress on your child.

Please let her find enjoyment in the journey. Always focusing on the future will make you miss out on the present.

[Anonymous]

Its not that hard, honestly. You point out the team of workmen digging up the street and holding the "stop" sign and you say these guys didn't generally do well in school and likely didn't go to college

And the people at the grocery store working the check out.

And then you talk about the doctor you visit or the dentist and how they needed very advanced degrees to do what they do.

And then you talk about money and what you can afford and cannot afford depending on your career.

I told my son this when he was EIGHT and he 100% took it on board.

[Anonymous]

Assume neither of you are math oriented yourself. The B+ in Algebra I will do no long term damage to DD. Currently entering high school with a 4.2 GPA. Assuming she takes the standard number of APs once in high school and maintains her mostly straight A profile she should be just fine to at a minimum go the SLAC route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not that hard, honestly. You point out the team of workmen digging up the street and holding the "stop" sign and you say these guys didn't generally do well in school and likely didn't go to college

And the people at the grocery store working the check out.

And then you talk about the doctor you visit or the dentist and how they needed very advanced degrees to do what they do.

And then you talk about money and what you can afford and cannot afford depending on your career.

I told my son this when he was EIGHT and he 100% took it on board.

Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Omg you are crazy.
Take it down a notch.

[Anonymous]

Calm down and do not put pressure or even talk to your 8th grader about college! You can expunge any middle school course. These grades don’t matter, even the HS ones. Any can be wiped. Your kid is way too young for this.

[Anonymous]

This is the downside of acceleration. She's young and not developmentally ready to worry about her GPA. 7th grade is so young. You telling her it "counts" is only going to lead to some kind of struggle or put undue pressure on her.

Just let it go and see what happens. There will be a college where she can get a good education, but it's way too early to think about it.

[Anonymous]

You tell yourself that there will be a college that's right for whoever your kid turns out to be, not that your kid needs to make herself fit a preselected group of colleges. Then you relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let your kid be a kid. Please stop. You’re on track for the kid to hate you and or have a mental health crisis.

Unfortunately, That one B+ in 7th grade could already ruin her chances at top schools.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is very young. Your focus should be on watching her grow as a learner and supporting her when you see she needs it. Good study skills, organizational skill, a healthy relationship with technology, good sleep habits, pursuing her interests, fostering independence, developing and maintaining friendships - the developmental goals for teens go far beyond a letter grade.

That said, you can start to educate yourself and keep a bird’s eye view on the college application process if you want (which has been changing year over year post COVID), but I only recommend that if you can keep your anxiety in check and not dump it on your kid. In our house college is the assumed path but not one we spend a lot of time specifically talking about until 2nd semester sophomore year.

Plenty of parents set the finish line and craft the kid they think will push through it, only to be disappointed when the highly rejective HYPs don’t accept them. It’s okay to value achievement but not at the expense of your kid. She’s too young to plug into future planning the way you seem to think she should. Don’t push it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your kid be a kid. Please stop. You’re on track for the kid to hate you and or have a mental health crisis.

Unfortunately, That one B+ in 7th grade could already ruin her chances at top schools.

I’m not going to be naive and say grades don’t matter, but on the whole, one B+ in 7th grade will not make or break a transcript.