Constant influx of friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old? To me it sounds like the problem is you needing to feel like you are on.

15. I do feel like I need to keep tabs, especially when they wander off to find food. I realize they are 15, but this is where the parents will go to find them/pick them up, or at least where they understand they are located.

I also feel like I constantly have to have food and drinks. The other week things were hectic and I had nothing to offer, and I felt terrible, like a poor host. I do realize it’s a “me” issue.

Hang out house mom here. You’re doing this to yourself. All of their parents have find my phone or another tracking app if they want to know where their kids are. You are not responsible for giving permission or money or for tracking anyone but your own kids. And you don’t need to give rides home if it is an inconvenience. Also at 15 you don’t even need to be there.

Personally I let kids come over whenever they wanted. Had my kids had friends who were problematic, I would have had different rules.

[Anonymous]

This might be a beginning of the school year type of thing too. Surely they’ll start to have things to do and homework. If yours doesn’t, get them doing something. A job once they turn 16 at a minimum if they don’t do anything outside of school.

I have a 15 year old and have zero expectations anyone is feeding him, monitoring him, or giving him rides home. He is responsible for himself and accountable to me and his dad at his age. It’s nice you are a welcoming host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old? To me it sounds like the problem is you needing to feel like you are on.

15. I do feel like I need to keep tabs, especially when they wander off to find food. I realize they are 15, but this is where the parents will go to find them/pick them up, or at least where they understand they are located.

I also feel like I constantly have to have food and drinks. The other week things were hectic and I had nothing to offer, and I felt terrible, like a poor host. I do realize it’s a “me” issue.

Here’s the thing OP. They could just as easily wander to find the food before they ever get to your house. You do not need to keep track of where other peoples kids are in high school.

[Anonymous]

I’d let then come but I wouldn’t be giving rides home on a regular basis.
If my kid walked to your house after school I would have no expectation that you then bring her home.

[Anonymous]

Can't relate, I would be so happy my kid had friends and was independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know, I know, I should be happy we are the “hangout house”, and I am, but it’s also very overstimulating at the end of the work day.

We live within walking distance of the high school, and I’d say 2-3 days a week, DD comes home with 1-3 friends. They don’t require much of me, often take off to go find food or Starbucks, or to wander around on foot. But usually they still storm the house for drinks and a snack, are boisterous, and I feel like I need to be “on” or at least aware of what they’re up to since I am the last adult to see them. Often they need/want rides home. It’s just chaotic. I WFH and get off just before DD gets home, and something about this intrusion feels disruptive.

I know she needs to socialize, I am happy her friends are comfortable here, but it’s too much. I’m crowdsourcing. What would you allow? Or, what parameters would you put up?

Nobody wants to be the hangout house. Delulu. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Parents who need to keep track of their kids track their phone or text them. You don't need to be in charge of tracking their locations once they are not home.

I like the idea of enlisting our DD to help you with the rest of your concerns. But if you can, it's still best to have your DD home rather than at someone else's home, whose parents may be absent or much less conscientious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know, I know, I should be happy we are the “hangout house”, and I am, but it’s also very overstimulating at the end of the work day.

We live within walking distance of the high school, and I’d say 2-3 days a week, DD comes home with 1-3 friends. They don’t require much of me, often take off to go find food or Starbucks, or to wander around on foot. But usually they still storm the house for drinks and a snack, are boisterous, and I feel like I need to be “on” or at least aware of what they’re up to since I am the last adult to see them. Often they need/want rides home. It’s just chaotic. I WFH and get off just before DD gets home, and something about this intrusion feels disruptive.

I know she needs to socialize, I am happy her friends are comfortable here, but it’s too much. I’m crowdsourcing. What would you allow? Or, what parameters would you put up?

Nobody wants to be the hangout house. Delulu. Just say no.

NP here. I do. I love a house full of laughter and joy. I love feeding people. I love knowing my kid’s friends. I love helping them out (including rides) if I can. All of this brings me happiness, and no I don’t need/want gossip or control. Just enjoy the life it brings to our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know, I know, I should be happy we are the “hangout house”, and I am, but it’s also very overstimulating at the end of the work day.

We live within walking distance of the high school, and I’d say 2-3 days a week, DD comes home with 1-3 friends. They don’t require much of me, often take off to go find food or Starbucks, or to wander around on foot. But usually they still storm the house for drinks and a snack, are boisterous, and I feel like I need to be “on” or at least aware of what they’re up to since I am the last adult to see them. Often they need/want rides home. It’s just chaotic. I WFH and get off just before DD gets home, and something about this intrusion feels disruptive.

I know she needs to socialize, I am happy her friends are comfortable here, but it’s too much. I’m crowdsourcing. What would you allow? Or, what parameters would you put up?

Nobody wants to be the hangout house. Delulu. Just say no.

NP here. I do. I love a house full of laughter and joy. I love feeding people. I love knowing my kid’s friends. I love helping them out (including rides) if I can. All of this brings me happiness, and no I don’t need/want gossip or control. Just enjoy the life it brings to our family.

Yes and the rest of us hate laughter and joy.

I am a NP. I like having kids over and then also some days it's a lot. Sounds like this is how OP feels.

[Anonymous]

Stop saying yes to rides. A few excuses will give them a hint "I have a terrible headache and was just about to lie down, sorry dear" etc. Keep a supply of ramen, easy Mac, and bottled water+gatorade powder for them to get their hands on, all pretty cheap. And let your daughter know how you're feeling. Ask that it be 1-2x a week instead.

[Anonymous]

oh my gosh you are in a spot you need to reframe a bit and then appreciate - you are NOT responsible for other people's kids at this point, no need to keep popping your head in, checking on rides etc. But being a friendly place to come over is such a great option and your kid is honestly lucky if they are one of the kids who others are gravitating to for this - other kids are going to remember your house fondly for years to come. My advice is the only "boundary" you need to set is that kids are responsible for themselves (rides, getting food etc) and beyond that be glad you have a happy kid with friends and a safe home they want to come to
caveat - if they are leaving big messes, or tearing through all your food, its time to get your own kid on board with planning what food needs to be in house, cleaning up after themselves etc

[Anonymous]

Weekends only. Limit spending. Where do they have time with activities and homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weekends only. Limit spending. Where do they have time with activities and homework.

+1 we don’t allow hangouts in the middle of the week because of homework and activities.

[Anonymous]

A lot of high school kids have nothing going on and don’t take challenging classes. So they hang out after school.

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have? If she's your only id enjoy it while it lasts! It'll go quickly