Do neighbors count as play dates?

[Anonymous]

of course the do.

[Anonymous]

I mean it depends on whether they like the neighbors.

My son used to be BFFs with our neighbors so hanging out with them after school absolutely counted.

I remember there were two girls in our cul de sac who were a few years older and one family complained the other girls would come knocking on their door daily. As the girls got older, they were definitely not friends.

[Anonymous]

My 5th grader has never had a playdate with a schoolmate. He goes to a private school where most kids are wealthier and live elsewhere. I thought he'd make friends but it hasn't really happened. But he hangs out with neighbors several days a week so I know he's ok socially.
It's hard because academically I love the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted to get your opinion on this. I don’t do a ton of structured play dates, maybe 1x every two weeks and a sleepover once a month. We also tend to meet up with a bigger group of school friends at a park once a week.

My kids are 9 and 7. But we have our 10, 7 and 9 year old neighbors over (all boys) over usually 6 days a week. They are in our elementary school. My kids also have sports 6 days a week with school friends and when their sibling plays in actual games on the weekend it’s hang out/free time with a few kids from school.

My kids complain that the neighbors don’t count as play dates and they aren’t doing and seeing friends enough.

This does seem like a ton to me!! I hate hosting formal playdates. Two of my kids have outgrown it, but my 9-year old does ask. I try to have a friend over occasionally (maybe once per month or so), OR coordinate with a few parents to meet at a park with a larger group of friends. Otherwise she plays with neighbors, has friends through her sport and they have fun at practice and games, plays with Girl Scout friends after meetings, or we spend time as a family (she and I go to the library, out for ice cream, watch siblings' sporting events, bake together, etc., we do family movies or hikes, etc.). She also is expected to just play on her own or chill with a book or an art project sometimes. And monthly sleepovers for 7 and 9- year olds is not happening here. They're special occasions once or twice per year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say the neighbors are all boys but don't give the gender of your kids. You say they go to the same school but don't mention being in the same class. That isn't enough to tell me they are friends and actually enjoy being together. Even if they do, that has no bearing on them wanting to see their actual friends.

Mine are all boys!
One of the neighbors is older, the other two are in their grades and good friends with them but maybe not “best”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are telling you they want to see their actual friends. Why are you so caught up on a word?

They are friends with these neighbors! And they also do sports with their friends so see them almost every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say the neighbors are all boys but don't give the gender of your kids. You say they go to the same school but don't mention being in the same class. That isn't enough to tell me they are friends and actually enjoy being together. Even if they do, that has no bearing on them wanting to see their actual friends.

Mine are all boys!
One of the neighbors is older, the other two are in their grades and good friends with them but maybe not “best”

PP - thanks for clarification. I am glad they all are actual friends. It seems the problem is that they miss their other friends? Maybe they can do the meeting at the park with the other kids thing or go on playdates at other kids' houses instead of everyone coming to your house?

[Anonymous]

6 days a week? How are you coping up? Food?

[Anonymous]

I think you should listen to your kids and stop having the neighbors over all the time. The kids don’t care and it’s more you can check the playdate box.

Either let them have playdates with the friends they want or just say you don’t host playdates. This weird middle ground where you force the neighbors onto your kids is weird and unhelpful.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are telling you they want to hang out with other friends. So it doesn’t matter if the neighbors are a play date or not. Your kids are saying they want to see other people.

[Anonymous]

I hate structured play dates that require too much from me with rides and logistics.. the neighborhood friends allow my kid to come and go as he pleases and interact with all kinds of kids. I think its plenty but I do understand the value of separate school friends too.

[Anonymous]

It counts as socialization but it seems like your kids want to see other friends more so for all intents and purposes, it doesn’t “count.” You’re comparing apples and oranges