When your child is friend with the Devil Child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to baby sit a "devil child" when I was in high school (only did it a couple of times. . .) and her parents knew it because they were paying 5x as much as everyone else. This girl, who was 5, used to to things like: taker her mini Schnauzer and toss him in the icey cold, Montana lake, dump said icey cold Montana lake water down my back when I was fully clothed, throw rocks at me and the dog, threw tantrums when other kids in the neighborhood didn't want to play with her (gee, I wonder why), break things that belonged to neighborhood kids, abuse neighborhood pets, etc. etc. How does a five year old become this way??

I babysat for a child like that too! I often wonder what happened to her.

Ironically, her parents were divorced (given other comments on this board). She never saw either of them since they were both out trying to make a living (nurse and police officer), but I'm not sure if that's where her anger came from.

[Anonymous]

20:38 here. . .I wonder what happened to her too. I think she was in a similar situation-lack of attention. She was an "accident" because her siblings were high school age or older and I think she was left alone a lot.

[Anonymous]

I just read these articles on bullying last week. Good reading:
http://www.parenting.com/article/Child/Behavior/How-to-Handle-Preschool-Bullies

http://www.parenting.com/article/Toddler/Behavior/My-Kids-the-Bully

As others have said, your child's friendship with the "devil child" is a teaching opportunity. It could also be that spending more supervised time together (under your eye and tutelage) would be good for the other kid.

At age 3-4 my DC was best friends with a kid who liked to break the rules. I would remind her that she knew better than to go along with these escapades, that it wasn't fun to get in trouble, or get hurt, or hurt others.

Peer pressure starts early, doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my DS told me that he won't be friends with the bully because they are "arch enemies" (the children are 6).

I love this. So dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know..my nephew used to be "devil child" he grew out of it and he is fine. Usually the parents who think it's just the other kids are in denial that their kid can also be a pain. If the mom is divorced and going through some stuff..help them out..don't be a know it all.

You know you're right I mentioned she's divorced because that was my initial reason for making myself available for the playdates--to help her out. But then really I might not have extended myself as much had she not been divorced because I sympathize up to the borders of my kids safety and the undue bad influence of this kid. The mom really is loud and clueless and often wonders aloud about what other kids might be doing to make her kid so unhappy. She does not see the bullying--I have witnessed it . I don't think he truly a bad kid--but that he is acting out due to the lack of stability from life situation. Not his fault. But it was becoming too much of our family problem.

I don't mean to sound like a know it all--older I get, shoot, the less I know for sure about anything. Just telling you what happened to me.

[Anonymous]

You know what would be funny? X-post this thread to the SN forum to see how many seconds elapse before someone responds that we are being unkind and "judging" by not repeatedly subjecting our kids to this behavior -- which is of course excusable due to the kid's "mild issues."

[Anonymous]

I think its weird that as an adult you are addressing a child as "Devil Child" - you sound like a bully yourself!

[Anonymous]

23:04 That's vicious.

[Anonymous]

But it's true! The same issue gets 2 wildly different perspectives depending on which group of parents is interviewed. Here, in Off Topic, it is acceptable to talk about -- especially -- the effect this child is having on **other children.** It is O.K. to come up with strategies to avoid this child so that your own kids aren't hit and made upset.

In Special Needs, with the same facts at hand, you would not be permitted to say that you wish your child didn't have to be around such behavior.

[Anonymous]

Uh, there are not the same set of facts, assuming the aforementioned Devil Child is not also a SN child. In the past week alone several mothers of SN children over on the SN forum have noted they wish their children did not disturb other NT students. You are not only painting with a broad brush, you are asserting inaccuracies. And guess what. My child's instruction was disrupted by a SN student one year, but the experience taught him tolerance and made my child a better person.

[Anonymous]

there are not the same set of facts, assuming the aforementioned Devil Child is not also a SN child

Why assume that? I bet the aforementioned child does have some kind of diagnosis, or will have, although the OP doesn't say. We don't know. What we do have is a description of the behavior (hitting, "mean.")

What also know that in a typical 28-student MoCo classroom, the 2 or 3 SN / IEP kids don't wear their Dx on their shirts. It is not made public to other parents. Other parents don't know for sure the cause for any outbursts directed at their own children. They must deal with aberrant behavior as best they can, just like the OP of this post.

[Anonymous]

I am not assuming it except for the sake of the point I was making in response to a comment about how beleaguered posters of NT children feel about posting on the SN forum. Context, please.

[Anonymous]

THis is a parenting forum topic. Yo.

[Anonymous]

What was the original question again?

Right, practical advice. We seem to have drifted.

[Anonymous]

20:38 - I babysat for a kid like this as well. Hell child!