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When your child is friend with the Devil Child
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Anonymous
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Before we had kids, we joked that we hoped we do not get the devil child. Luckily we didn't, but our child hangs out with a school mate that seems to be that Devil Child. This kid regularly teaches the other kids to do mean things, lie and generally be mean. This child will frequently push or hit another child in an unwarranted situation, will get others to team up on another child. Luckily, my child is not on the receiving end of this meanness, but this child is a bad influence.
I am looking for good practical advice on how to deal with this. |
Anonymous
| How old is your child? |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't allow my child to socialize with a kid like that outside of school, i.e. no playdates.
Is the school/teacher aware of this? Sounds like a bullying situation they should be addressing. |
Anonymous
| How old or what grade? |
Anonymous
| P.S. How do you get this information? TTH (Trying To Help!) |
Anonymous
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It's a good opportunity for you to have frequent talks with your child about the difference between right and wrong. For example, when DC tells you what this kid did that day, don't be upset with your child, but discuss how this could impact the other children and how it would feel to be on the opposite end of this behavior.
We had a neighborhood bully that frequently tormented my DS, and we talked about this a lot. This bully actually opened up the door for conversation for me and my DS....so it worked out to our advantage, and DS was better at handling it next time. The worst thing you could do is say "don't play with that kid" to your child. Instead, tell him it's ok to play with him, but to excercise good decision making when it comes to hurting, lying, or being mean to other people. Interestingly enough, some of the kids who I never wanted my kid to play with when they were young, ended up being nice boys when they got a little older. Maturity is at play here....it's not always bad parenting. But again, use this as an opportunity to set the standard for good behavior and your expectations of how he should/should NOT act. Hope this helps. My DS made it through this stage fine. I'm sure yours will too. |
Anonymous
| My guess is that OP's kid just turned 3. |
Anonymous
| You did not provide the age of the 2 children, but I have had conversations with my DS about a bully at school. This bully recently has been trying to befriend my DS and my DS told me that he won't be friends with the bully because they are "arch enemies" (the children are 6). I told my son not to reject this boy's friendship, but at the same time advised him that he should not make the same "bad decisions" that the other child it making (this child is very rough). I agree that if this is causing problems, you have the "power" to restrict contact outside of school and if this child is as bad as you say, I would definately keep the friendship at school and invite other, nicer children for play dates. |
Anonymous
Definitely discourage the play dates--you are spreading the scourge to the neighborhood when this kid visits and bullies neighborhood kids. And by all means have a conversation with your child about how they would feel if the ganging up behavior were done to them. After @7 or 8 kids are old enough grasp empathy. My son has a friend whose Mom is divorced--flame away--but she does dump her kid on others including us--problem is her kid is really a bully and she seems completely unaware of this. The kid is athletic and can be very sneaky--just shrugs his shoulders with this "who lil' ole me?" look on his face when caught red handed punching, shoving, tripping others so they fall on their face while he laughs encouraging his friends to laugh. The Mom is loud and pushy and just cows [sic] everyone. I've eased off the play dates and talked to my son about why ganging up on one kid with others and jeering in his face is wrong. As long as you don't say" X is a bad kid" your child can draw his own conclusions. 9 or 10 year olds know right from wrong but they can be easily influenced. I'm not going to take on the bully's Mom--she always seems loaded for bear, it's not worth the blast of crazy. |
Anonymous
| I don't know..my nephew used to be "devil child" he grew out of it and he is fine. Usually the parents who think it's just the other kids are in denial that their kid can also be a pain. If the mom is divorced and going through some stuff..help them out..don't be a know it all. |
Anonymous
| PP, I've seen a devil child w/2 working parents, so it takes all kinds. The parents refused to address the kid, only made it worse for him in the long run. They thought they were untouchable. Big mistake. HUGE mistake on their part. The kid is ostracized in every school he goes to, and people specifically demand not to be in his class. So now the whole school knows he is a problem. That is, the parents, in this case. Everyone feels bad for the kid, bit not enough to be in his class. |
Anonymous
I agree. I have seen a devil child with a SAHM. The devil child physically attacked other children, including my DC, and the devil child's mother quietly takes the devil child aside, but there's no apology. My other DC was a friend of the devil child but we have seriously limited interaction now, especially after two incidents. |
Anonymous
| 20:17 What does divorce have to do with this? If OP said the child's parents were divorced, fine. But to surmise it? |
Anonymous
| I used to baby sit a "devil child" when I was in high school (only did it a couple of times. . .) and her parents knew it because they were paying 5x as much as everyone else. This girl, who was 5, used to to things like: taker her mini Schnauzer and toss him in the icey cold, Montana lake, dump said icey cold Montana lake water down my back when I was fully clothed, throw rocks at me and the dog, threw tantrums when other kids in the neighborhood didn't want to play with her (gee, I wonder why), break things that belonged to neighborhood kids, abuse neighborhood pets, etc. etc. How does a five year old become this way?? |
Anonymous
| PP here. meant "bad" not bid. Anyway, sometimes parents do a HUGE disservice to their child by ignoring their bullying ways. |