Are most girls just mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls are biologically wired to be mean. Boys are wired to end up hunting/killing.

I’ll take stupid things that dolts say for 100 Alex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is sad to read, but not my experience. I have a daughter and just yesterday I was telling my husband how you can really tell that kids are being raised with an emphasis on kindness now as compared to when I was growing up. We had our first soccer practice yesterday and they were all hugging each other after scores; there was another girl from her GS troop on the team and they greeted each other like a long-lost friends even though they'd only met once. I asked her if she really liked Larla, did they talk at the troop meeting? And she said "Mom, if you're in Girl Scouts together you *all* can be best friends."

I'm sure we'll run into relational aggression issues as they get older, but I'm glad it hasn't been an issue for my daughter yet.

It does sound like your daughter is very young. It's true that in preschool and kindergarten, the adults around kids tend to emphasize kindness a lot. I have found there is less of this as you progress through elementary school, and especially that other parents doing reinforce concepts of kindness at home. By 2nd or 3rd grade, the girls in my child's classes had become quite clique-ish and exclusionary, and I'd started to see quite a bit of unkind behavior. And this is at a school we chose for the nurturing and pleasant environment. I've also seen that other parents become more competitive about their kids around this age, especially around sports, and there is often effort to create separation. You'd think parents would be encourage to see their kids bond over shared interests at this age, for instance. But I've seen parents seek to emphasize that their child is on an advanced track in those interests, so not really like the other kids.

I do remember the "we can all be best friends!" phase but it just doesn't last.

Op here. We are in this exact phase of very cliquey unkind behavior. While my boys were always included and invited to more advanced teams in sports, this does not seem to be happening with my daughter.

In fact, she started doing a new activity and when she got better at it than her friend, her friend started snubbing my daughter. She is the one who was the coldest to my daughter and seems to hate seeing us at the facility. With dance, the girls who would hug one another during the younger days just all seem so mean. They are not necessarily mean to my daughter. They may not talk to her or I just hear their mean conversations. The parents and girls seem very competitive.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.

I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.

[Anonymous]

stop perpetuating this! some people are mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.

I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.

My Asian boy is not an angle, but overall he is a nice boy. He also learns to fight back against some mean boys growing up since K at public school. He has learned to ignore, argue back, push back, and report to teachers. It is sad, but DH calls it survival skills that he has learned and developed to help him for not to be targeted or get bullied. We came back from a culture that good kids are those to earn good grades and well mannered, expected by teachers and parents. The kid social friendship dynamic here is too complexed and too complicated for me to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The boys turn mean at 11. Idk why, but they’re just behind the girls.

Up to a point, then some boys turn psychopaths at adolescence/adulthood. Look at which gender commits most murders.
I prefer mean girls over homicidal men.

[Anonymous]

There are mean kids of both gender. The kind messaging is great and probably helps some when they are little. Then middle school starts. And even before that really...late elementary school.

Worry about your kids and raising them not to be mean. Many parents are just totally clueless or act like it's a normal part of growing up. If your kid is an ass, do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 teenage girls. They are not mean. They are kind and quiet girls. They intentionally avoid mean girls. From my observation, it seems that most of the "mean girl" behavior is in the most popular circles which my girls are not part of.

I will say this. My girls are not proactively mean but they have developed a survival instinct to fight back against mean girls that pick on other girls, basically learning to fight fire with fire. Even though I'm proud of them for doing that, it makes me sad at the same time.

OP here. My DD has always been included in most things in preschool and early elementary and I guess these people may become the popular girls. My daughter is pretty and fairly good at most things she tries, just like her brothers. She goes to public school and we are on the high end of income and house. Being rich in public doesn’t seem to help her socially. Some girls seem to get jealous or mean about material items our family cares nothing about. Girls may put things down for no reason. Ugh. I hate this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No the opposite. I have boys and girls. The boys are just mean. I saw a boy break a little girl's finger (just came up and twisted it) with no remorse. The girls seem really kind and calm. All my daughters do is whine about boys in their classes. They get off topic during class and the teacher is just redirecting nonstop, they talk over girls and they're too rough on the playground.

That is not normal behaviour for either gender, and really has nothing to do with him being a boy. If you had one, you might know that.

[Anonymous]

No, girls aren’t just mean. I have known some unhappy girls who act mean because they are unhappy. But happy girls are not mean. I raised two girls and only a few of their friends acquaintances were mean. And those were some pretty unhappy kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is sad to read, but not my experience. I have a daughter and just yesterday I was telling my husband how you can really tell that kids are being raised with an emphasis on kindness now as compared to when I was growing up. We had our first soccer practice yesterday and they were all hugging each other after scores; there was another girl from her GS troop on the team and they greeted each other like a long-lost friends even though they'd only met once. I asked her if she really liked Larla, did they talk at the troop meeting? And she said "Mom, if you're in Girl Scouts together you *all* can be best friends."

I'm sure we'll run into relational aggression issues as they get older, but I'm glad it hasn't been an issue for my daughter yet.

It does sound like your daughter is very young. It's true that in preschool and kindergarten, the adults around kids tend to emphasize kindness a lot. I have found there is less of this as you progress through elementary school, and especially that other parents doing reinforce concepts of kindness at home. By 2nd or 3rd grade, the girls in my child's classes had become quite clique-ish and exclusionary, and I'd started to see quite a bit of unkind behavior. And this is at a school we chose for the nurturing and pleasant environment. I've also seen that other parents become more competitive about their kids around this age, especially around sports, and there is often effort to create separation. You'd think parents would be encourage to see their kids bond over shared interests at this age, for instance. But I've seen parents seek to emphasize that their child is on an advanced track in those interests, so not really like the other kids.

I do remember the "we can all be best friends!" phase but it just doesn't last.

Op here. We are in this exact phase of very cliquey unkind behavior. While my boys were always included and invited to more advanced teams in sports, this does not seem to be happening with my daughter.

In fact, she started doing a new activity and when she got better at it than her friend, her friend started snubbing my daughter. She is the one who was the coldest to my daughter and seems to hate seeing us at the facility. With dance, the girls who would hug one another during the younger days just all seem so mean. They are not necessarily mean to my daughter. They may not talk to her or I just hear their mean conversations. The parents and girls seem very competitive.

I’m really surprised that you didn’t experience any of this with your boys- as it relates to sports and activities. So much of it comes from the parents. And dance is one of the worst for this (I say that as a parent of a teen daughter who is a dancer)

The truth is, this behavior among girls starts around 3rd/4th grade, peaks around 7th grade, and is (mostly) gone by 9th/10tb grade.

The only advice I have is to be supportive & listen, always encourage having multiple friends & not putting all her eggs in one basket (so have school friends, neighborhood friends, dance friends etc rather than just one small circle of besties) in case things go south with any particular group. When there are issues/drana- encourage your DD to back off from problematic friends and focus on other friendships.

As a mom it can be stressful to watch, but they will get through it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, girls aren’t just mean. I have known some unhappy girls who act mean because they are unhappy. But happy girls are not mean. I raised two girls and only a few of their friends acquaintances were mean. And those were some pretty unhappy kids.

There are a few girls we have gotten to know better recently and they all seem to have mean and possibly anger management issues.

One girl comes from such a nice family. Parents are awesome. The girl is awful to my daughter, to her parents and to others. She is pretty and seems pleasant enough until you spend time with her. I hate to call a little girl crazy but this girl is crazy! I don’t even want to do a slow fade. We will be avoiding her altogether.

Another girl was such a sore loser over a board game and hurt my daughter. She twisted and bruised her arm. I was surprised at her violent behavior. She had massive rage over a game.

Then one girl came over and obviously thought we lived in a nice house. She hates my daughter now. She is always giving her the evil eye. Her mom also gives me the evil eye. So weird. DD says this girl constantly criticizes her at school and makes negative comments. She did not do this before she came over.

[Anonymous]

I just told DH that maybe we should switch to private school and he thinks the girls may be worse in private.

[Anonymous]

It's mean parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just told DH that maybe we should switch to private school and he thinks the girls may be worse in private.

Safe bet.