my daughter was accused of making her work miserable

[Anonymous]

It's crazy to me how many of you are jumping to the side of the supervisor. This is a part-time retail job. The supervisor sounds incredibly drama prone. She's using super charged but veiled language to dress down a young employee when she should be both more clear (state the specific behavior OP's DD is engaging in that is causing the problem) and diplomatic (use words like "unprofessional" or "inappropriate" not "poison").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: op here. it is a job in retail but not a chain.
job is essentially stocking shelves etc. but the employees spend a lot of time together in the back.

she doesn't fit in she said because she isn't very social. but doesn't know why that woman would say that.

that comment is not constructive, i agree its inappropriate

Sounds like she is being discriminated against and hazed because she doesn't sit around gossiping and tiktoking in the back but works, so she make them look bad back there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
my daughter (18) is heartbroken and crying over the fact that a supervisor at her parttime job told her "you are making this work environment poison." My daughter is the sweetest, most polite girl. Not a brat at all. Her job has many loud personalities and she is very calm. DOesn't fit in at all, but a hard worker.

my daughter wasn't rude or mean and I told her she needs to say something. She doesn't want to because she wants to let it slide, she hides from conflict / standing up for herself.
What would you do in this situation?

You weren't there. I'm sure you don't have the full story. That said, your job is to provide advice to your daughter and let her decide what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: op here. it is a job in retail but not a chain.
job is essentially stocking shelves etc. but the employees spend a lot of time together in the back.

she doesn't fit in she said because she isn't very social. but doesn't know why that woman would say that.

that comment is not constructive, i agree its inappropriate

Sounds like she is being discriminated against and hazed because she doesn't sit around gossiping and tiktoking in the back but works, so she make them look bad back there.

I suspect this is the issue.

Also sometimes people just don't like you for no reason. One of my first jobs at that age was working in a paint store. I didn't know it at first, but I'd been hired specifically because the company wanted more female employees and the store's manager got a bonus for hiring a more diverse staff (I was provided with this information later on when one of my coworkers was explaining to me why they all hated me). For the others on staff (all men) my presence meant they could not sit around talking about porn and how much their wives sucked all the time. They also incorrectly believed that I was incapable of doing the job physically because they didn't think I could lift buckets of paint, but I was an athlete and had passed a physical test to get the job and didn't have an issue with this. They treated me terribly. I was a perfectly good employee and I was also perfectly pleasant and easy going at work. But there was nothing I could possibly have done that would have made those guys like me. It had nothing to do with me as a person.

[Anonymous]

I had a job as a high school senior as a host at a non chain Mexican restaurant. The cook was a sexual harasser and I spent a lot of time avoiding him before I quit. Also part of my compensation was dinner and I wouldn't ask bc then I would have to interact with him. Long story short, I didn't fit in because it was a toxic culture - not because I did something wrong. Look for a new job.

[Anonymous]

Two possibilities:

1. Your daughter is socially inept, not just quiet and introverted, and said upsetting things without even realizing it.

2. The person who told her this is a psychopath who enjoys inflicting emotional damage. They exist. And retail attracts really nasty, limited people.

3. Some combo of the two. People with neurodivergence and people with disabilities are easy targets of bullies.

OP, if the family is not in desperate need of this money, I suggest that she quit. There is nothing to be learned here. She's better off focusing on other things and finding another job.

[Anonymous]

I’m just spitballing here but my sister was fired from a very easy grocery stocking job due to her anxiety. She was too nervous to be too friendly with others and then always double-checked her work with (or asked questions of) the supervisor who was busy focusing on other tasks. Her immediate peers who had more experience thought of her as a kind of “narc” (because she went right to the boss with questions and advice) and too untrustworthy to handle fun behind the scenes gossip. In short, they all hated working with her.

Any chance you’re daughter’s quest to be perfect is pi$$ing off her coworkers and aggravating her supervisor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two possibilities:

1. Your daughter is socially inept, not just quiet and introverted, and said upsetting things without even realizing it.

2. The person who told her this is a psychopath who enjoys inflicting emotional damage. They exist. And retail attracts really nasty, limited people.

3. Some combo of the two. People with neurodivergence and people with disabilities are easy targets of bullies.

OP, if the family is not in desperate need of this money, I suggest that she quit. There is nothing to be learned here. She's better off focusing on other things and finding another job.

Another option is that OP's DD is a normal 18 year old, not "socially inept" but completely inexperienced in a workplace and doesn't yet know how the social side of work operates, especially with older colleagues, and the supervisor and other workers are, like many people in their 20s and early 30s (the age most likely to be working in a retail position) impatient and potentially unkind with a younger, inexperienced worker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's crazy to me how many of you are jumping to the side of the supervisor. This is a part-time retail job. The supervisor sounds incredibly drama prone. She's using super charged but veiled language to dress down a young employee when she should be both more clear (state the specific behavior OP's DD is engaging in that is causing the problem) and diplomatic (use words like "unprofessional" or "inappropriate" not "poison").

+1

It could be as simple as the coworkers like to pass time by BSing and maybe talking about inappropriate stuff and they called the DD toxic because she is boring and kills their vibe. No indication she's actually doing something wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
my daughter (18) is heartbroken and crying over the fact that a supervisor at her parttime job told her "you are making this work environment poison." My daughter is the sweetest, most polite girl. Not a brat at all. Her job has many loud personalities and she is very calm. DOesn't fit in at all, but a hard worker.

my daughter wasn't rude or mean and I told her she needs to say something. She doesn't want to because she wants to let it slide, she hides from conflict / standing up for herself.
What would you do in this situation?

This is a big issue. She needs to practice being assertive not just for this situation but for the future as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of job is this? Obviously that’s not at all appropriate. Is there an HR department?

I've worked at several places ehere HR dept was the problem.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like tallest poppy situation to me

[Anonymous]

Do you guys REALLY need the money? If not, I think she should give her two weeks notice. This is not working out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two possibilities:

1. Your daughter is socially inept, not just quiet and introverted, and said upsetting things without even realizing it.

2. The person who told her this is a psychopath who enjoys inflicting emotional damage. They exist. And retail attracts really nasty, limited people.

3. Some combo of the two. People with neurodivergence and people with disabilities are easy targets of bullies.

OP, if the family is not in desperate need of this money, I suggest that she quit. There is nothing to be learned here. She's better off focusing on other things and finding another job.

I believe that’s 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two possibilities:

1. Your daughter is socially inept, not just quiet and introverted, and said upsetting things without even realizing it.

2. The person who told her this is a psychopath who enjoys inflicting emotional damage. They exist. And retail attracts really nasty, limited people.

3. Some combo of the two. People with neurodivergence and people with disabilities are easy targets of bullies.

OP, if the family is not in desperate need of this money, I suggest that she quit. There is nothing to be learned here. She's better off focusing on other things and finding another job.

Another option is that OP's DD is a normal 18 year old, not "socially inept" but completely inexperienced in a workplace and doesn't yet know how the social side of work operates, especially with older colleagues, and the supervisor and other workers are, like many people in their 20s and early 30s (the age most likely to be working in a retail position) impatient and potentially unkind with a younger, inexperienced worker.

PP you replied to. No. No normal person tells a normal teen that they're poison. Either they're nasty weirdos, or the teen has issues. I was a very shy teen worker in my day, and my older colleagues were lovely to me.

The teen needs to quit. It's traumatizing to be treated like this, and I don't think this is a situation where whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.