What would your consequence to this be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you're both unusually impulsive. Your kid is curious, that's fine. But taking stuff that clearly does not belong to him, like cash from your wallet? That's a problem. And you are emotionally out of control. You feel violated? That's a problem. Your feelings are not commensurate at all with the reality of what happened.

Maybe you both have hyperactive ADHD or something but I think the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in that you both need to work on your impulses.

By all means, punish your kid, but not by creating resentment against his brother. Don't do it out of anger and your own inner emotional turmoil. Do it so he can learn for next time. Give him tools to Stop And Think before he acts.

Agree that I don't understand OP's level of hurt and anger here. I would be worried about this kid and looking to address this issue, but would not feel personally harmed by it. It's just a box of clothes. The money is a bigger deal but he's also 9 -- he clearly doesn't yet fully understand the idea of ownership or why stealing is wrong, so while that's a problem, it's really a failure on both your part. You need to teach him why you never, ever take things that don't belong to you, especially money.

[Anonymous]

9 year olds know what stealing is.

[Anonymous]

He is certainly not allowed in your bedroom anymore for any reason. I hope you made him pay back the money he stole from you. Your husband is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would put the clothes back in the box in my closet for Christmas as I had originally intended. I would give them to the kids they would fit when appropriate. I wouldn't let my child's bad behavior dictate how I handled the clothes.

However, the kid who is taking money from your wallet and rooting around in your closet has a problem. I would first sit down with him and have a conversation about WHY he is doing this stuff. What does he even need money for? Why was he in your closet? Is he bored? Looking for attention? Is he angry about something? What? I don't know your kid so I don't know, but kids don't do stuff like that for no reason. He is acting out. Figure out why and then address it.

I would also likely assign extra chores as punishment for stealing, probably helping me with laundry and organizing. But that punishment on its own without actually talking to him and getting to the bottom of this behavior is pointless. You need to figure it out before it escalates further.

Probably this. I do want to caveat this by saying that my kids are kind of spoiled and have everything they need and most of what they want. If my 9 year old needed more clothes, and I found them in a brand he likes, I would just give them to him right then. I would also give him cash if he wanted it for something.

(This is how people on this board end up doing the “something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read” at Christmas. They just give their kids all of what they need and a lot of what they want most of the time.)

[Anonymous]

Op here, I just want to say I have told him several times not to go into my closet and take things that aren’t his. And this brand was baseball 101 so it wasn’t just clothes but ones the boys are obsessed with (where I live at least) he knew I wasn’t home so went snooping. He should have known better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had gotten a bunch of clothes on sale from this brand my kids like and had them in a box (taped up) in my closet. I was saving it for Christmas. My 9 year old came and found and open the box and took all the clothes into his room. I was so angry. I told him that he gets none of the clothes and gave them to his younger brother (some of them turned out to be too small so it was a better fit for him anyway) but husband told me this was a terrible solution and creates sibling rivalry. I just felt violated that he was in my closet looking for stuff when I’ve told him so many times not to. This is a week after I caught him going into my wallet and taking cash.

Put a lock on your closet. Set boundaries and enforce them.
As far as the clothes....
This is your fault for not hiding them better.
Taking it out on your kid the way you are doing is not good. Your hubby is right, not just about the sibling rivalry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I just want to say I have told him several times not to go into my closet and take things that aren’t his. And this brand was baseball 101 so it wasn’t just clothes but ones the boys are obsessed with (where I live at least) he knew I wasn’t home so went snooping. He should have known better.

He DOES know better. He would not be given those clothes at all, ever. If he was home alone, he needs to be told he is no longer allowed to be since he's proven he's not mature enough for it.

[Anonymous]

I would tell them that now they won’t be getting much for Christmas because that was one of their gifts and that going forward you don’t poke around in places like my closet and you certainly don’t open boxes that aren’t yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had gotten a bunch of clothes on sale from this brand my kids like and had them in a box (taped up) in my closet. I was saving it for Christmas. My 9 year old came and found and open the box and took all the clothes into his room. I was so angry. I told him that he gets none of the clothes and gave them to his younger brother (some of them turned out to be too small so it was a better fit for him anyway) but husband told me this was a terrible solution and creates sibling rivalry. I just felt violated that he was in my closet looking for stuff when I’ve told him so many times not to. This is a week after I caught him going into my wallet and taking cash.

Put a lock on your closet. Set boundaries and enforce them.
As far as the clothes....
This is your fault for not hiding them better.
Taking it out on your kid the way you are doing is not good. Your hubby is right, not just about the sibling rivalry.

what complete shite !

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right that giving it to his brother just created another issue and you made his younger brother a target.

You didn't solve your issue with your kids boundaries or stealing

The consequence should have been two fold it was his Christmas present now he kows what he's getting and no surprise oh well. The other and hoestly more serious consequence should be about him breaking your rule about going into your room and into things that don't belong to him or that he hasn't been granted access to. At ( he should understand this and understand that stealing is wrong -s o maybe there's an impulse control issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had gotten a bunch of clothes on sale from this brand my kids like and had them in a box (taped up) in my closet. I was saving it for Christmas. My 9 year old came and found and open the box and took all the clothes into his room. I was so angry. I told him that he gets none of the clothes and gave them to his younger brother (some of them turned out to be too small so it was a better fit for him anyway) but husband told me this was a terrible solution and creates sibling rivalry. I just felt violated that he was in my closet looking for stuff when I’ve told him so many times not to. This is a week after I caught him going into my wallet and taking cash.

Put a lock on your closet. Set boundaries and enforce them.
As far as the clothes....
This is your fault for not hiding them better.
Taking it out on your kid the way you are doing is not good. Your hubby is right, not just about the sibling rivalry.

what complete shite !

If you aren't willing to better yourself, then you have no room to complain about others.

[Anonymous]

It's not about the clothes. I'd be having a conversation about trust and integrity, and tell him you do not trust him right now and therefore need to keep him close. No extras, because you cant trust him (play dates, out for ice cream, etc.), and maybe a few extra chores that you only need to ask for once, to help earn back trust.

Talk about how he can always count on you to pick him up (after a birthday party, after soccer, after school), and he can always count on you when he is sick to take care of him, when he has a problem you will listen and help and be supportive, because he can trust you, and he can always trust you. And then say you would like to be able to trust him, and you will again, in time.

[Anonymous]

I with the poster that said both the kid and the mom have impulse control issues. You are going to have a really hard time with being the disciplinarian if you get this emotional about this type of situation. Giving all the clothes to his brother makes no sense in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

You definitely have an issue with that child lying stealing and simply ignoring the rules you’ve established.

Work on that ASAP
Also, Disagree with your punishment. Giving the clothing to the other child was not correct.

[Anonymous]

Your son who crossed set boundaries needs a consequence. It’s one thing to snoop, it’s another to feel entirely entitled to what you’ve found. Not giving consequences will teach them that it’s ok. And in the meantime find better hiding places - for gifts and your cash.