What would your consequence to this be?

[Anonymous]

I had gotten a bunch of clothes on sale from this brand my kids like and had them in a box (taped up) in my closet. I was saving it for Christmas. My 9 year old came and found and open the box and took all the clothes into his room. I was so angry. I told him that he gets none of the clothes and gave them to his younger brother (some of them turned out to be too small so it was a better fit for him anyway) but husband told me this was a terrible solution and creates sibling rivalry. I just felt violated that he was in my closet looking for stuff when I’ve told him so many times not to. This is a week after I caught him going into my wallet and taking cash.

[Anonymous]

Seems perfectly normal behavior. Were you not a child yourself once?

[Anonymous]

My kids are allowed to root around their own house. It's my job to make sure any presents are well-hidden. If they make a mess, or appropriate stuff without asking permission, then I have a problem with that.

You need to clarify to yourself, and the rest of the household, what's allowed and why. But if you didn't tell him the rules explicitly beforehand, you cannot punish him, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes giving them to brother will cause resentment to brother. This is not the younger brothers fault but he will bear the brunt when he wears the clothes.

I’d be pissed if my kid went and took something out of my closet too. I’d have probably just told him that’s his Christmas present. Now he’s had it early don’t expect anything big for Christmas. I’d still do like stocking stuffers. But no big or expensive gift. At 9 he’s old enough to understand that.
I’d also have a big conversation about not going in your room and snooping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are allowed to root around their own house. It's my job to make sure any presents are well-hidden. If they make a mess, or appropriate stuff without asking permission, then I have a problem with that.

You need to clarify to yourself, and the rest of the household, what's allowed and why. But if you didn't tell him the rules explicitly beforehand, you cannot punish him, OP.

Disagree. At 9 he’s old enough to know this was not ok.

[Anonymous]

He opened a taped box. That’s the violation. And taking cash out of a wallet. I used to inventory my dad’s stuff but I would never had done either of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are allowed to root around their own house. It's my job to make sure any presents are well-hidden. If they make a mess, or appropriate stuff without asking permission, then I have a problem with that.

You need to clarify to yourself, and the rest of the household, what's allowed and why. But if you didn't tell him the rules explicitly beforehand, you cannot punish him, OP.

Disagree. At 9 he’s old enough to know this was not ok.

Not if he was never told it was forbidden.

[Anonymous]

Let's see, if I did that to my mom she would've hit me with a wooden spoon and denied me TV for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes giving them to brother will cause resentment to brother. This is not the younger brothers fault but he will bear the brunt when he wears the clothes.

I’d be pissed if my kid went and took something out of my closet too. I’d have probably just told him that’s his Christmas present. Now he’s had it early don’t expect anything big for Christmas. I’d still do like stocking stuffers. But no big or expensive gift. At 9 he’s old enough to understand that.
I’d also have a big conversation about not going in your room and snooping.

Agree with not bringing the brother into it. Although clothes as xmas gifts kids don't really care about, so taking them away is not a real punishment to them. I'd have a sitdown and set expectations for next time. For example, if it happens again there will be x punishment. Be very clear what the consequences are and follow through.

[Anonymous]

You can't punish someone for violating a rule they didn't know about.

[Anonymous]

I would lecture him on taking stuff for himself before asking.

That's all it took for my kids to learn the rules of the house. They're teens and adults now, and teaching them manners was very easy.

If your kid is more pig-headed and tends to steal things, then you need to escalate to a more serious punishment.

[Anonymous]

Giving them to brother was manipulative. Just terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't the greatest way to handle it but it sounds like younger brother would have gotten the clothes anyway.

Next time maybe discuss the consequences with your spouse first, agree, then administer them.

I bet your older child learned at least something.

Don't keep bringing this incident up with the boys. Use the energy to prevent future issues.

[Anonymous]

I feel you're both unusually impulsive. Your kid is curious, that's fine. But taking stuff that clearly does not belong to him, like cash from your wallet? That's a problem. And you are emotionally out of control. You feel violated? That's a problem. Your feelings are not commensurate at all with the reality of what happened.

Maybe you both have hyperactive ADHD or something but I think the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in that you both need to work on your impulses.

By all means, punish your kid, but not by creating resentment against his brother. Don't do it out of anger and your own inner emotional turmoil. Do it so he can learn for next time. Give him tools to Stop And Think before he acts.

[Anonymous]

I would put the clothes back in the box in my closet for Christmas as I had originally intended. I would give them to the kids they would fit when appropriate. I wouldn't let my child's bad behavior dictate how I handled the clothes.

However, the kid who is taking money from your wallet and rooting around in your closet has a problem. I would first sit down with him and have a conversation about WHY he is doing this stuff. What does he even need money for? Why was he in your closet? Is he bored? Looking for attention? Is he angry about something? What? I don't know your kid so I don't know, but kids don't do stuff like that for no reason. He is acting out. Figure out why and then address it.

I would also likely assign extra chores as punishment for stealing, probably helping me with laundry and organizing. But that punishment on its own without actually talking to him and getting to the bottom of this behavior is pointless. You need to figure it out before it escalates further.