Not letting mother have a plus one to wedding

[Anonymous]

Whatever the final decision is it looks like the damage is already done. Has BIL always been a brat? Both parents should decline the invitation.

[Anonymous]

1. This really isn't your business or your problem.

2. Sure barring something I'm not aware of abuse, racism etc. The SOs should be invited but I'm guessing BIL has his reasons.

3. As for kids at the wedding that's also their preference. Them marrying later is irrelevant you are not entitled to bring your kids to someone else's wedding. Either go and get a sitter or decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay TF out of it! Not your circus.

+1

DO NOT give your opinion.

[Anonymous]

BIL should elope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL should elope

Perfect solution. No one will miss him. He gets the tiny wedding of his dreams.

[Anonymous]

Being the last married doesn’t give you less of a right to have an adults-only wedding. But any bride or groom must accept that more parents will send regrets if accommodations aren’t made for kids. More, not all.

On the matter of plus ones…yeah, it stinks. It absolutely stinks to be the child of divorce whose parents playacted a family unit at your siblings wedding and now are bored of the act when its your turn. BIL needs to have an honest discussion with his parents about how he feels, though, not throw a petulant fit.

[Anonymous]

Leaving out someone’s spouse when celebrating marriage is messed up.

But lucky for you this isn’t your monkey or your circus, stay completely and totally out of it.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those weird things where, yeah, the BIL should technically give them a plus one, but the parents should also respect their child's wishes so he wouldn't be in this dilemma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those weird things where, yeah, the BIL should technically give them a plus one, but the parents should also respect their child's wishes so he wouldn't be in this dilemma.

Don't agree. If the adult groom cannot respect other's relationships, including his parents, then there is no reason to celebrate his.

And "technically" it is the epitome of bad etiquette to purposely exclude someone's spouse. The groom needs to be asked if it's OK to purposely exclude HIS wife from all future family events. How will that go over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of those weird things where, yeah, the BIL should technically give them a plus one, but the parents should also respect their child's wishes so he wouldn't be in this dilemma.

Don't agree. If the adult groom cannot respect other's relationships, including his parents, then there is no reason to celebrate his.

And "technically" it is the epitome of bad etiquette to purposely exclude someone's spouse. The groom needs to be asked if it's OK to purposely exclude HIS wife from all future family events. How will that go over?

If they get divorced? He can probably assume his kids will not be super jazzed about him bringing girlfriends to weddings either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stay TF out of it! Not your circus.

+1

(But yes they both should have a +1, cause wtf?!)

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being the last married doesn’t give you less of a right to have an adults-only wedding. But any bride or groom must accept that more parents will send regrets if accommodations aren’t made for kids. More, not all.

On the matter of plus ones…yeah, it stinks. It absolutely stinks to be the child of divorce whose parents playacted a family unit at your siblings wedding and now are bored of the act when its your turn. BIL needs to have an honest discussion with his parents about how he feels, though, not throw a petulant fit.

When we got married, FIL was not yet married. MIL did not have a boyfriend back then. It isn’t like we didn’t give them a plus one. We gave everyone a plus one or I’m pretty sure people just RSVPd a plus one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being the last married doesn’t give you less of a right to have an adults-only wedding. But any bride or groom must accept that more parents will send regrets if accommodations aren’t made for kids. More, not all.

On the matter of plus ones…yeah, it stinks. It absolutely stinks to be the child of divorce whose parents playacted a family unit at your siblings wedding and now are bored of the act when its your turn. BIL needs to have an honest discussion with his parents about how he feels, though, not throw a petulant fit.

When we got married, FIL was not yet married. MIL did not have a boyfriend back then. It isn’t like we didn’t give them a plus one. We gave everyone a plus one or I’m pretty sure people just RSVPd a plus one.

Yeah I get it— you got to have your wedding without any step parents and random partners because you got married first. Your in laws played happy families for your spouse.

It doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck for your BIL that they don’t do the same for his. Perhaps these family dynamics are why he doesn’t have a good relationship with either parent. I’d stay out of it, but maybe consider having empathy rather than scorn.

[Anonymous]

Definitely stay out of it.

That said, going solo to a wedding is not a hardship and imo the step parents should graciously suck it up. The kid is in the wrong, but it’s an easy opportunity to take the high road and recognize that divorce traumatizes kids and they carry it with them.

Re: kids at the wedding. For immediate family, the bride and groom should rent a suite or meeting room at a hotel nearby and hire a sitter agency (background checked, etc). Get popcorn and snacks for them and they have a movie night during the reception. Local agencies will even set up games and such if there are enough kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely stay out of it.

That said, going solo to a wedding is not a hardship and imo the step parents should graciously suck it up. The kid is in the wrong, but it’s an easy opportunity to take the high road and recognize that divorce traumatizes kids and they carry it with them.

Re: kids at the wedding. For immediate family, the bride and groom should rent a suite or meeting room at a hotel nearby and hire a sitter agency (background checked, etc). Get popcorn and snacks for them and they have a movie night during the reception. Local agencies will even set up games and such if there are enough kids.

If this is something important to OP or her in laws she can certainly offer to organize and pay for such a service. The bride and groom do not have to, as long as they accept parents may RSVP “no”.

This service, which we did something similar to, ran us $5,000 14 years ago, and you can’t spend other people’s money.