Not letting mother have a plus one to wedding

[Anonymous]

My in laws are divorced. FIL is remarried and MIL has a boyfriend. BIL is getting married and doesn’t want either of his parents to bring their significant others. DH said the dad should probably be allowed to bring his wife bc they have been married for almost ten years.

When DH and I got married ten years ago, both divorced parents came solo. They sat together at the rehearsal dinner and wedding at the family table. BIL is not in best terms of either parent and has zero relationship with both their significant others.

Do you think the parents should be allowed a plus one?

There is also drama about which kids can come. Everyone is getting upset about kids not being allowed because BIL is last one married and everyone in his life has kids.

[Anonymous]

I would stay TF out of it! Not your circus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay TF out of it! Not your circus.

+1

(But yes they both should have a +1, cause wtf?!)

[Anonymous]

I think it is up to the bride and groom. Seems petty not to invite the parents’ new spouses unless there is open hostility or something quite extreme going on.

I do think it would make sense to allow MIL’s boyfriend if they allow FIL’s wife, in this situation.

[Anonymous]

I would stay out of it. If you want my opinion, excluding someone's spouse from a wedding invite is absolutely insane and will cause long-term harm to your family relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would stay out of it. If you want my opinion, excluding someone's spouse from a wedding invite is absolutely insane and will cause long-term harm to your family relationships.

I’m just the SIL and DIL. Everyone is so upset. DH is choosing to not get involved. Both sides of family very upset for different reasons.

I don’t remember any of this drama when I got married. We just invited a lot of people we didn’t want but felt we had to.

[Anonymous]

I think it's unfair to allow marital status to enter the pic. Either you give everyone a plus one, or you don't invite them at all. So you invite parents and their significant others, or you do not invite parents. You cannot invite the father's wife on the grounds they've been married for ten years, and exclude the mother's boyfriend, new or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's unfair to allow marital status to enter the pic. Either you give everyone a plus one, or you don't invite them at all. So you invite parents and their significant others, or you do not invite parents. You cannot invite the father's wife on the grounds they've been married for ten years, and exclude the mother's boyfriend, new or not.

And reading between the lines, BIL is being difficult all around, since he doesn't want to allow kids either. He's the groom, so he's "allowed" to do whatever he wants. And his relatives and friends are similarly "allowed" to judge him for it. Hard.

[Anonymous]

A wife is not a "plus one". That's a wife. And it's extremely poor etiquette to invite only one half of a social unit, especially to something like a wedding.

"Come celebrate my love while I publicly sh*t on yours"
No thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would stay out of it. If you want my opinion, excluding someone's spouse from a wedding invite is absolutely insane and will cause long-term harm to your family relationships.

I’m just the SIL and DIL. Everyone is so upset. DH is choosing to not get involved. Both sides of family very upset for different reasons.

I don’t remember any of this drama when I got married. We just invited a lot of people we didn’t want but felt we had to.

Your BIL is creating drama. His choice is totally unreasonable. You can't do anything but stay out of it, though.

[Anonymous]

MYOB
Not your event
Not your bio family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's unfair to allow marital status to enter the pic. Either you give everyone a plus one, or you don't invite them at all. So you invite parents and their significant others, or you do not invite parents. You cannot invite the father's wife on the grounds they've been married for ten years, and exclude the mother's boyfriend, new or not.

And reading between the lines, BIL is being difficult all around, since he doesn't want to allow kids either. He's the groom, so he's "allowed" to do whatever he wants. And his relatives and friends are similarly "allowed" to judge him for it. Hard.

People are also allowed to decline the invite. Like, I'm not sure I'd attend a wedding where my spouse was explicitly excluded. And some people might not want to attend a wedding where kids are not allowed because it's a hardship for them. And other people might choose not to attend because they don't like drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's unfair to allow marital status to enter the pic. Either you give everyone a plus one, or you don't invite them at all. So you invite parents and their significant others, or you do not invite parents. You cannot invite the father's wife on the grounds they've been married for ten years, and exclude the mother's boyfriend, new or not.

And reading between the lines, BIL is being difficult all around, since he doesn't want to allow kids either. He's the groom, so he's "allowed" to do whatever he wants. And his relatives and friends are similarly "allowed" to judge him for it. Hard.

People are also allowed to decline the invite. Like, I'm not sure I'd attend a wedding where my spouse was explicitly excluded. And some people might not want to attend a wedding where kids are not allowed because it's a hardship for them. And other people might choose not to attend because they don't like drama.

Agreed. This BIL isn't thinking long term. People are going to remember his pettiness and rigidity for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think they should be allowed a plus one. But it's not anyone's business; it's up to the bride and groom. Your dh his smart to stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in laws are divorced. FIL is remarried and MIL has a boyfriend. BIL is getting married and doesn’t want either of his parents to bring their significant others. DH said the dad should probably be allowed to bring his wife bc they have been married for almost ten years.

When DH and I got married ten years ago, both divorced parents came solo. They sat together at the rehearsal dinner and wedding at the family table. BIL is not in best terms of either parent and has zero relationship with both their significant others.

Do you think the parents should be allowed a plus one?

There is also drama about which kids can come. Everyone is getting upset about kids not being allowed because BIL is last one married and everyone in his life has kids.

BIL needs to grow up and let go of his fantasy that his parents are going to get together again or that the divorce never happened. Barring abuse what he’s planning is extremely disrespectful.