What to do when my child despises me :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose it's par for the course, having conflict with my 12 year old daughter. Single mom, only child. She's in 7th grade with mental health issues. Everything I do is for helping her, everything in my life for 12 years is for her, but it's like she hates me and everything I do for her. Idk what to do. I read the books and try to connect with her and when she says rude things, I calmly say that hurt my feelings and move on (per the book Untangled that I learned about here). I know it's part of managing my feelings too. Now she is going too far, talking to teachers at school saying I wouldn't accept her if she's gay (which I would) but wtf?! Any advice is appreciated.

Elaborate? Many times kids are over-diagnosed by quacks who want to push pills, or parents who cannot parent and blame something besides themselves. May or may not be the case in this situtation, but would be the first place one should reflect on and ask some hard questions.

As far as not being despised, kids don't hate a parent for no reason at all. There are ALWAYS some reasons for them to do that.

So look at yourself and you behaviors and actions.

Lol. No. Teens typically don’t like their parents. It’s a normal developmental stage

[Anonymous]

Get her involved in sports and activities that give her confidence and show her how to act around others. Kids are always much better around other people.

I’d focus on that over therapy and mental health treatment unless she has a serious mental health disorder. Like someone else said, there are plenty of doctors and therapists who will be more than happy to take your money.

[Anonymous]

So I'm going to say something here, that you might not like.

You need to find something else in your life that's important, apart from your identity as a single mother to a singleton. The reason you're feeling so hurt isn't that your kid is particularly nasty. A lot of them are like this. But it's because you seem to have no other emotional outlet. If you were part of a large household, for ex, someone would always be upset at something, and the rest of the family wouldn't let it get to them. You cannot expect to have your emotional needs met solely by a child. You should have close friends or relatives whom you can lean on to make your tween's rejection not feel as hurtful, or hobbies to channel your energies and emotions in a different direction.

This duo you describe is tearing itself apart because there are just two of you. Encourage her friendship with other kids (hopefully not the ones who will turn out to be the drinking, partying kind), and focus on yourself and your friendships and activities.

This is separate from any mental health issue that you or she might have.