s/o Managing a teenager and grandparents, on top of everything else?

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09/10/2025 11:47

Subject: s/o Managing a teenager and grandparents, on top of everything else?

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Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I feel similarly but also terribly guilty that I can't seem to get them to spend more time with my mom. One kid doesn't get home each day until 6-ish, and the other one gets home at 7:30 so during the week is impossible. When I grew up, life was just slower, I guess.

OP here. In my case, I feel less guilty than I do empathetic, maybe? My mom was never a great mom or grandma, but expects this perfect relationship with us despite that. I struggle with that a lot. I don’t think she deserves any more than she’s getting because she doesn’t and hasn’t put in the effort. But that also makes me sad. It’s a sad reality.

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09/10/2025 11:49

Subject: s/o Managing a teenager and grandparents, on top of everything else?

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Anonymous

At least they want a relationship and fight for it; my parents and in-laws are pretty disengaged, and my kids miss out on other families' closeness.

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09/10/2025 11:59

Subject: s/o Managing a teenager and grandparents, on top of everything else?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:At least they want a relationship and fight for it; my parents and in-laws are pretty disengaged, and my kids miss out on other families' closeness.

Sometimes the forced, faux closeness is just as hurtful. Grandma wants stories to tell her bridge friends and pictures to go along with them, and a sense of closeness, she doesn’t want the actual relationship or the work that goes into it. I don’t know which is worse, and I deal with both scenarios myself.

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09/10/2025 12:27

Subject: s/o Managing a teenager and grandparents, on top of everything else?

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Anonymous

I'm actually wondering about this 1:1 "requirement" that is often brought forward. Does your daughter do 1:1 time with you or her dad weekly? I also grew up elsewhere and I never had 1:1 time with grandparents. Grandparents just participated in daily normal activities and usually there were more people involved than just me and a grandparent. I also don't have specific 1:1 time with my own children, we just do daily stuff. Tbh I dread having 1:1 time with my own mom (needy and moody) and I'd never force my kids into that. I think family dinners are fine, 1:1 is a bit too much and sounds creepy.

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09/10/2025 13:07

Subject: s/o Managing a teenager and grandparents, on top of everything else?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I'm actually wondering about this 1:1 "requirement" that is often brought forward. Does your daughter do 1:1 time with you or her dad weekly? I also grew up elsewhere and I never had 1:1 time with grandparents. Grandparents just participated in daily normal activities and usually there were more people involved than just me and a grandparent. I also don't have specific 1:1 time with my own children, we just do daily stuff. Tbh I dread having 1:1 time with my own mom (needy and moody) and I'd never force my kids into that. I think family dinners are fine, 1:1 is a bit too much and sounds creepy.

NP, but you know what, this is a really good point, and one I never really thought about until right now.

I’ve never had 1:1 time with any of my grandparents, outside of the few times I recall them watching me when my parents were out of town or school was out or something like that. I definitely didn’t do lunch alone with them. My kids similarly don’t do 1:1 time with my parents (or ILs) either. They visit when we visit. I do spend 1:1 time with my mom, and DH spends it with his dad. I spend it with my DD, but it’s usually organic, like she needs shoes so we make it an event with lunch, etc.