Once-A-Week Communication With College Kid Optimal??

[Anonymous]

When I think back to my college days, pre smart phone, there was no one normal. there were kids who called home every night and there were kids who never called. My mom used to message me on AOL every few days and ask if I went to class — but I rarely spoke to my parents by phone. I think it depends on the family and kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I send cat photos once or twice a week. And occasionally something funny, or that I think she might find interesting. And she does the same to us—something new she’s trying, something funny she saw, something she knew we’d appreciate. DH is more likely to ask about weekend plans and whatnot, but the response rate is about 50/50.

I did ask her to turn on read receipts, so I at least get proof of life even if she’s too busy to respond. She’s actually a terrible texter, even with her friends, so I don’t fuss too much unless I’ve asked a specific question.

We did try to work out one or two potential calling windows each semester, where she had no classes scheduled and her dad and I were both likely to be home. If she called, great. If not, it probably meant she was out having fun or doing homework. Both of which are very good things.

PP here: One or two potential *weekly* calling windows based on each semester’s schedule, that should say. Not two per semester.

[Anonymous]

Text multiple times a day. Facetime or call about 5 days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I think back to my college days, pre smart phone, there was no one normal. there were kids who called home every night and there were kids who never called. My mom used to message me on AOL every few days and ask if I went to class — but I rarely spoke to my parents by phone. I think it depends on the family and kid.

+1. In college I called my parents about once a month, which is the pattern I keep up today. Other people called all the time. It's just whatever works for you.

[Anonymous]

Had a quick call Monday following her first weekend.

Texted an encouraging word before her first day of class (yesterday).

Shared a bunch of cat reels on Instagram.

[Anonymous]

My husband calls his mom every night on his walk home from work. Or when he’s home and making dinner. A 10-20 min call. May boys have seen that their whole lives. So I think it influenced them. (My parents are dead)

They both call daily or every other day. Usually while walking to class so just 5-10 minutes.

We do a weekly FaceTime w all of us 1x a week That’s more like an hour

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Text multiple times a day. Facetime or call about 5 days a week.

Too much.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my kids almost every day - definitely text every day. I also talk to my dad every day and text my mom most days.

I think it's small talk a lot and nothing too crazy - just our habit. I agree that it can be bad if there is something wrong, but since we talk a lot, it's also usually something more normal.

But I don't bother the kids and mostly try to talk when they are free - walking to class or work.

I am not upset if they are too busy to talk!

[Anonymous]

Text daily - Sometimes it's just something goofy. Sometimes it's for advice. Our family chat has always been active.

We call or FaceTime maybe once a week. I try to let DC initiate calls. Sometimes they will call between classes just to tell me something cool. The call lasts less than 5 minutes. I try to call just when I need info and don't want to wait hours for a text.

[Anonymous]

Our kid is local. 25 minutes from our house. He has had a few issues that we have helped with. Some are settled and some are still ongoing. So, we have more contact with him than others might with their children. He was also a homebody, so we feel the level of contact that he wants/needs is understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I talk to my kids almost every day - definitely text every day. I also talk to my dad every day and text my mom most days.

I think it's small talk a lot and nothing too crazy - just our habit. I agree that it can be bad if there is something wrong, but since we talk a lot, it's also usually something more normal.

But I don't bother the kids and mostly try to talk when they are free - walking to class or work.

I am not upset if they are too busy to talk!

We are kind of like this in my family. It would be weird to not share little parts of our days with each other. It's not about checking up or hovering. It's just how we all stay in contact. We get pics of the animals in my parents backyards about every other day. It's not necessary, but it's how they feel connected to us.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get phone calls with my senior son and haven’t from day one. Trust me, I’d love a weekly phone call but I’m trying to respect his autonomy. I text him every 2-3 days. If I do get a response, it’s a single word. I’m happy to get proof of life but I miss him and am curious about his days. He’s in-state so I can at least see him every few weeks for one reason or another (family event, dropping off medicine, etc). My youngest is a HS senior who will go to school out of state. I’m already dreading it but I’m reminding myself we raise them to set them free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband calls his mom every night on his walk home from work. Or when he’s home and making dinner. A 10-20 min call. May boys have seen that their whole lives. So I think it influenced them. (My parents are dead)

They both call daily or every other day. Usually while walking to class so just 5-10 minutes.

We do a weekly FaceTime w all of us 1x a week That’s more like an hour

I love that your husband calls his mother nightly. My brother was the same with our mom before she passed. DH speaks to his mom only on a holiday/special occasion. I worry about the example this has set for my boys.

[Anonymous]

I love the dad calling his mom on his way home from work!

We really do model the behavior we end up receiving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Text multiple times a day. Facetime or call about 5 days a week.

Too much.

Too bad. They are happy and it’s what they want.