Go to different schools due to age gap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are the same age/grade. It's okay to feel a little sad, but it's your job to foster their relationship outside of school and build up your younger child's confidence to experience the world on her own.

+1 My kids are 4 years apart, and only attended a few years of elementary school together. This is not a major issue, they still see each other all the time at home (and rarely saw each other at school due to different lunch periods etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is very important to you and your kids, there are many private school options that go from elementary all the way through high school.

+1. If it’s that important to you, and to her, make it happen. I’ve heard crazier reasons to go private.

[Anonymous]

You sound very dramatic.

[Anonymous]

This is a strange question. My kids are the same difference in age. They never saw each other at school when they were in elementary together. Maybe to wave passing in the hall. They sat with friends on the bus so didn’t really se each other there either. I guess at the bus stop? I’m not sure how much different 10 minutes a day would make the relationship. My younger kid has a cousin at his school 2 years younger who rides the same bus and they rarely see each other. I think siblings get along and hang out or…not but it just depends on the personality. No personally, it would be more convenient to have them in the same building more just logistically for myself.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. My kids have a similar gap and after this year will not be at the same school until 9th and 12th grade. My younger one looks up to their older sibling and I think they will be sad to see the older one move on from the school. Not because of anything I have done as a parent, but because they are on the more sensitive side and expressive with their feelings. They will say they miss their sibling if they are ever apart for more than a couple days. I will probably be more sad because it's a sign of my kids getting older. It makes me smile when they both come home talking over each other to tell me about their days. And I like their little stories about seeing each other in passing at school. I can tell they like it. I will look back on their elementary school days fondly.

[Anonymous]

Don’t make it a big deal-if you do, your kids will make it one.

Anonymous wrote:My 2 kids are 3 years apart. My oldest is 5th grader & my youngest is 2nd grader. My youngest feels sad after she realizes that she won't be able to be going to the same school and see her brother there for many years (she is by herself 3rd to 8th grade) at the end of current school year. At most she can see him at his senior year ( when she is 9th grade & he is 12 grade), then he goes off to college. That is a bit depressing for her to think about it. They will still see each other at home. She loves to feel his existence at the same school and she feels protected and more loved. What do sibling relationship look like when they no longer see each other at school due to age gap?

[Anonymous]

Mine are 4 years apart. It was helpful in 1st / 5th because my younger DD was being bullied and wasn’t necessarily telling us about everything but older DD was observing a lot. But older DD and her friends didn’t always want her around (for instance in after care). Last year was fine (but 2nd grader was in a 2nd / 3rd split so a different social dynamic) and I’m hoping she’ll thrive this year. It would be fun for them to see each other at school, but they do fine. I was 3 years behind my sister so we only overlapped at the start of school for kinder and first until we went to a new private school (7th and 10th grades). But the middle school and high school were pretty separate and we mostly did our own thing. I do remember her taking me out to lunch on my birthday in 9th grade - the first year I was allowed off campus during lunch.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could help them find an after school/weekend activity that they both enjoy ... nothing formal, I'm thinking of something like baking, doing art, kicking a soccer ball, riding bikes. If it becomes "their" thing then that will remain in place even when they're at different schools.

You can also remind her that it's fun to talk about your day with someone who doesn't know everything already, like the fire drill or the special assembly or whatever.

My husband and I were both the oldest children in our families of origin, and it's been eye opening to hear the perspective of our youngest ... who is affected by things that never occurred to me about my younger siblings. (It doesn't mean they didn't feel those things, I just never knew.) Our youngest is very concerned about being left out/left behind and so we try to be aware of that feeling. I don't think it's strange that she's comforted by his presence. Does she have any memories of preschool on her own when he first stated elementary?

[Anonymous]

I think you're projecting a lot. No 7 yo is contemplating the number of years they won't be in school with their sibling. They just can't think that far ahead. This issue is being created by you.

There might be slight sadness next fall when they start at separate schools, but both will quickly adapt and it will be a non issue unless you make it one.