If you’re divorced or divorcing, how bad would your ex have to be for you to post all over social media about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you must hang with a really trashy crowd. I've never seen anyone post anything like this about any ex, ever.

There is one of you dumba$$ in every thread

[Anonymous]

There is no info about my ongoing divorce on broader social media. However I have a locked down, private/hidden group of very close friends where we talk about all manner of things – including divorce. I don’t view that as any different than a group text or sitting on the back patio and talking, or even a support group.

Wider posting that includes varying degrees of friendship and acquaintance is not for me. I used to be a lot more (inwardly) judgy about that kind of stuff, but there’s nothing like humiliation to provide the reminder that I should just focus on myself.

[Anonymous]

I didn't do it, but the picture that many have of my ex is as a friendly, jolly, affable person, not as the cheating alcoholic who is now regularly verbally abusive (many years post divorce). I've just eliminated mutual friends except for one. In that sense it is very isolating.

[Anonymous]

I think it's more about the person oversharing than the awfulness of the spouse. Unless as noted they are a public menace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more about the person oversharing than the awfulness of the spouse. Unless as noted they are a public menace.

Maybe if more women posted the violence men wouldn’t be so emboldened!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

You are basically saying that abuse victims should be quiet about their abuse because it makes you uncomfortable. I hope these people aren't your friends. You seem like you've got some unresolved stuff going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymously here? On a private support page? What type of posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

That usually outs them as liars and petty.

Nobody believes them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

That usually outs them as liars and petty.

Nobody believes them.

It's amazing how the victim gets disbelieved. People know that posting about their abuser is a risk, yet they do it anyway. Why? There are easier ways to get attention without being called a liar or petty... It's not some kind of cool thing to say, so if they're saying it anyway, it's probably true.

Maybe you should look at why this is your reaction to someone talking about something traumatic that has happened or is happening to them.

[Anonymous]

My husband cheated several times, which led to our divorce and I didn't post that on social media, it didn't even occur to me and we didn't have kids. I do find it funny that everyone thinks he is this awww shucks nice nerdy good guy and meanwhile he is using that to swing his peen all over the place.

That said, I am not going to judge a woman who has been abused for exposing her abuser. In fact, if my kids socialize with your family, I absolutely would want to know. A friend in another state recently shared how her kid (12) went to a play date with another kid and the two asked if they could walk to the nearby store. The abusive exhusband apparently saw them walking back from the store, called the exwife and threatened to kill her over this in a complete rage, then drove to the house and yelled and screamed from the driveway like a maniac, and my friend's kid called her mom scared wanting to come home. Friend's husband went to collect their kid and crazy dad tried to get physical with him. So yes, post alllllllllll over social media that your husband is an abusive pyscho, please and thank you.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty suspicious of anyone who posts anything to social media tbh even though I know a lot of it is innocuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

You are basically saying that abuse victims should be quiet about their abuse because it makes you uncomfortable. I hope these people aren't your friends. You seem like you've got some unresolved stuff going on.

I know right? That’s what’s wrong with our society. And women to be complicit in that? Even worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

My ex was abusive. A police officer testified on my behalf that he was abusive. I still didn’t post on SM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several people I know have done this, alleging their ex was abusive. But I find this very uncomfortable, and sort of wrong to do if there are kids involved.

Am I just a pushover? My ex did push/shoved me once during our separation during an ugly emotional argument. I thought about calling the police, but ended up calling my parents instead and dh took off. As ugly as it was, it solidified my certainty about leaving him, and I’d never consider posting about it.

Thoughts?

My ex was abusive. A police officer testified on my behalf that he was abusive. I still didn’t post on SM.

Do you want a sticker? A cookie? You got lucky, pickmesha. You aren't any better, or even any different. You just got lucky to have in-person support who believed you. That's all. That's literally the only difference. There but for the grace...

[Anonymous]

Years ago, before social media was really a thing, I had a friend with a prominent blog. She figured out pretty quickly that the men she dated would behave as soon as they figured out posting about their relationship was on the table.

You know how a few months into dating men start to show their true colors? The anger outbursts, lack of effort, entitlement, etc? Around the time men started acting up, they’d also “jokingly” ask “you’d never post about me, right?” She’d reply yes, she would, and they’d either disappear or immediately get their act together.

So I can see if you have a large social media following, it can actually be very beneficial to post about men, divorce, etc. Men who behave badly don’t like their behavior made public.

FWIW I don’t think everyone should immediately jump to posting on social media every time their husband, say, forgets to start the dishwasher. Then you look petty and become the boy who cried wolf. But posting what a bad man is doing, very matter-of-fact, without a lot of drama, can be an effective way of keeping them in line.