Large events avoidance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want him to do this because he cannot completely avoid large events. Sure, birthdays and weddings can be avoided, but what about work-related events? Not every employer would be accommodating to someone who doesn't want to be in a crowded space.

He sounds like a candidate for exposure therapy. In exposure therapy, you start small and expand later so the person builds up a tolerance to the thing they have been avoiding. The FCPS graduation venue is large and loud. What is he asking to do during the ceremony? Is this the only large event during graduation season? Could he go to half of it? What is he telling you?

Can you tell me more about the exposure therapy? Weird thing is he goes to concerts, baseball games, all loud events. But school-related stuff like seeing a school play or going to an assembly is a no. He is asking not to do the ceremony at all. He is OK buying the gown, he will get a bunch of cords, but he doesn't want to go to the actual ceremony.

You said he hates large loud events now you’re changing that claim. Something else is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he wear noise blocking headphones?

He wears them at concerts when it gets too much but says it doesn't work at assemblies so he avoids them. I offered to give them to him at graduation, said the cap would not fit...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he wear noise blocking headphones?

He wears them at concerts when it gets too much but says it doesn't work at assemblies so he avoids them. I offered to give them to him at graduation, said the cap would not fit...

He’s clearly not avoiding this situation because it’s loud or noisy or crowded. You need to figure out what’s actually going on before you can address it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he wear noise blocking headphones?

He wears them at concerts when it gets too much but says it doesn't work at assemblies so he avoids them. I offered to give them to him at graduation, said the cap would not fit...

He’s clearly not avoiding this situation because it’s loud or noisy or crowded. You need to figure out what’s actually going on before you can address it.

+1. This is school-related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he wear noise blocking headphones?

He wears them at concerts when it gets too much but says it doesn't work at assemblies so he avoids them. I offered to give them to him at graduation, said the cap would not fit...

He’s clearly not avoiding this situation because it’s loud or noisy or crowded. You need to figure out what’s actually going on before you can address it.

+1. Is he embarrassed about something? Like related to his performance? Not having a friend group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS (ADHD/ASD/anxiety) is a HS senior, doing great at school, but he absolutely hates loud, large events. He usually avoids school assemblies. He told us he doesn't want to go to his graduation ceremony and we are sad, it's a significant achievement and worthy of a celebration. What can we do? Do we just go along with his wishes or do we prep him in advance? How does it even work? We are in FCPS.

Making him do something he's really uncomfortable with is not a "celebration". If you love your son, maybe plan a celebration that he would actually experience as pleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he wear noise blocking headphones?

He wears them at concerts when it gets too much but says it doesn't work at assemblies so he avoids them. I offered to give them to him at graduation, said the cap would not fit...

He’s clearly not avoiding this situation because it’s loud or noisy or crowded. You need to figure out what’s actually going on before you can address it.

+1. This is school-related.

Graduations are chaotic, unfamiliar, you have to be in the spot light, even if just briefly, and he is not interested in it. Concerts and baseball however are things he apparently enjoys. He knows what to expect and he’s willing to be out of his comfort zone to experience the enjoyment. I don’t think there’s anything deep about school here.

It doesn’t sound like he is conflicted about it but you are, so I would consider that and find a way to mark the milestone that you will both enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Well I would do something else he wants to do to celebrate. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can he wear noise blocking headphones?

He wears them at concerts when it gets too much but says it doesn't work at assemblies so he avoids them. I offered to give them to him at graduation, said the cap would not fit...

He’s clearly not avoiding this situation because it’s loud or noisy or crowded. You need to figure out what’s actually going on before you can address it.

+1. This is school-related.

Agreed. He is probably being bullied and doesn’t want to hear speeches about “my four amazing years at Fairfax high” or see his tormentors getting their diplomas. Don’t force him to go. It will backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want him to do this because he cannot completely avoid large events. Sure, birthdays and weddings can be avoided, but what about work-related events? Not every employer would be accommodating to someone who doesn't want to be in a crowded space.

He sounds like a candidate for exposure therapy. In exposure therapy, you start small and expand later so the person builds up a tolerance to the thing they have been avoiding. The FCPS graduation venue is large and loud. What is he asking to do during the ceremony? Is this the only large event during graduation season? Could he go to half of it? What is he telling you?

Can you tell me more about the exposure therapy? Weird thing is he goes to concerts, baseball games, all loud events. But school-related stuff like seeing a school play or going to an assembly is a no. He is asking not to do the ceremony at all. He is OK buying the gown, he will get a bunch of cords, but he doesn't want to go to the actual ceremony.

Since it’s just related to school events, could it be more like social anxiety? Like he doesn’t want to be around other kids his age and/or who he knows? That would require a different approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want him to do this because he cannot completely avoid large events. Sure, birthdays and weddings can be avoided, but what about work-related events? Not every employer would be accommodating to someone who doesn't want to be in a crowded space.

He sounds like a candidate for exposure therapy. In exposure therapy, you start small and expand later so the person builds up a tolerance to the thing they have been avoiding. The FCPS graduation venue is large and loud. What is he asking to do during the ceremony? Is this the only large event during graduation season? Could he go to half of it? What is he telling you?

Can you tell me more about the exposure therapy? Weird thing is he goes to concerts, baseball games, all loud events. But school-related stuff like seeing a school play or going to an assembly is a no. He is asking not to do the ceremony at all. He is OK buying the gown, he will get a bunch of cords, but he doesn't want to go to the actual ceremony.

Since it’s just related to school events, could it be more like social anxiety? Like he doesn’t want to be around other kids his age and/or who he knows? That would require a different approach.

Also, exposure therapy can be good to treat anxiety, but it doesn’t really help if the driver of the behavior is more autism.

[Anonymous]

OP, isn't graduation about celebrating your KID? You are making it about YOU and what YOU think would be fun and good.

Your kid is almost an adult. If he can go to concerts and have fun, maybe leave this alone and let him decide how he wants to celebrate his graduation.