Wdding dress shopping

[Anonymous]

I would play the long game and be glad you have a good relationship.

My own mother didn't come to my wedding dress shopping. I basically went with a girlfriend and then I showed the dress later to my MIL, SIL and other relatives on my spouse's side.

[Anonymous]

OP you have got to get a handle on your FOMO now! If you keep score on every t you aren’t invited to attend, keep your eyes peeled for events you think you are entitled to be at, and freak out if you think one side is getting one more second of time than you..well you are in for a miserable time. Your son and DIL will either distance you or be filled with resentment as they struggle to appease you out of obligation.

Best advice….do not be thirsty all the time! Don’t make others feel uncomfortable talking about things around you out of fear you will pout pout that you weren’t included! When you are together, focus on the moment and having fun together!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you have got to get a handle on your FOMO now! If you keep score on every t you aren’t invited to attend, keep your eyes peeled for events you think you are entitled to be at, and freak out if you think one side is getting one more second of time than you..well you are in for a miserable time. Your son and DIL will either distance you or be filled with resentment as they struggle to appease you out of obligation.

Best advice….do not be thirsty all the time! Don’t make others feel uncomfortable talking about things around you out of fear you will pout pout that you weren’t included! When you are together, focus on the moment and having fun together!

OMG chill, I mentioned one thing.

[Anonymous]

Why are you making this about YOU? You've had your wedding. This is her time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

Yes we get along very well and like each other.
She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all.

Well she probably didn't invite you because it would be difficult for her mom to observe your close relationship, and that in turn would make your DIL's life more difficult.

You can choose to be a pain about this and lose your good relationship, or you can choose to play the long game and say nothing. You are entitled to nothing here and trying to play Emily Post Wedding Rulebook will get you nowhere.

She asked if I got along w her mom and I said yes. The MOMS get along.

That's not the point. She and her mom don't have a good relationship and she doesn't want you there in an intimate setting to witness it. It's not because she thinks you'll get in a fight with her mom. It's because not being close with her mom is already stressful for her and having you there would make it more so.

Again, there is zero rule or norm about future MILs participating in this, so you have no right to anything no matter how good your relationship is.

wow, did you misinterpret.
The Moms get along. My DIL to be and I get along very well.

However, DIL to be has a brother who is married. THAT MOM and DIL's Mom aren't close.
My DIL's to be Mom has expressed to me how glad she is that we're close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

Yes we get along very well and like each other.
She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all.

Well she probably didn't invite you because it would be difficult for her mom to observe your close relationship, and that in turn would make your DIL's life more difficult.

You can choose to be a pain about this and lose your good relationship, or you can choose to play the long game and say nothing. You are entitled to nothing here and trying to play Emily Post Wedding Rulebook will get you nowhere.

She asked if I got along w her mom and I said yes. The MOMS get along.

That's not the point. She and her mom don't have a good relationship and she doesn't want you there in an intimate setting to witness it. It's not because she thinks you'll get in a fight with her mom. It's because not being close with her mom is already stressful for her and having you there would make it more so.

Again, there is zero rule or norm about future MILs participating in this, so you have no right to anything no matter how good your relationship is.

wow, did you misinterpret.
The Moms get along. My DIL to be and I get along very well.

However, DIL to be has a brother who is married. THAT MOM and DIL's Mom aren't close.
My DIL's to be Mom has expressed to me how glad she is that we're close.

Your post was clear as mud.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 sons. I wasn't invited to my first DIL's dress shopping because her aunt bought her dress and they shopped while DIL was on vacation with said aunt.

I was invited when my DIL-to-be went shopping locally. We went to one store where DIL narrowed down her preferences. Her mom, aunt, close friend, and I were there. A few weeks later, just her mom and I went with her to a different store where she ended up choosing her dress.

I love both young women and have great relationships with them and their families.

OP, you still may be asked to go if your DIL-to-be goes to another store that doesn't restrict the number of people who come with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you have got to get a handle on your FOMO now! If you keep score on every t you aren’t invited to attend, keep your eyes peeled for events you think you are entitled to be at, and freak out if you think one side is getting one more second of time than you..well you are in for a miserable time. Your son and DIL will either distance you or be filled with resentment as they struggle to appease you out of obligation.

Best advice….do not be thirsty all the time! Don’t make others feel uncomfortable talking about things around you out of fear you will pout pout that you weren’t included! When you are together, focus on the moment and having fun together!

OMG chill, I mentioned one thing.

The fact that not only did it occur to you to wonder why you weren’t invited but you decided to seek advice on why your DIL didn’t include you is exactly what the post above is talking about! You are on a sad path, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just went with my mom. One of the days I think we also brought a friend.

Do you have a relationship with your future DIL's mom? My mom doesn't play well with others and I wouldn't have been able to invite my future MIL even if I wanted to. Not saying that's what happened here, but there may be dynamics at play that have nothing to do with what your future DIL actually wants.

Yes we get along very well and like each other.
She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all.

Well she probably didn't invite you because it would be difficult for her mom to observe your close relationship, and that in turn would make your DIL's life more difficult.

You can choose to be a pain about this and lose your good relationship, or you can choose to play the long game and say nothing. You are entitled to nothing here and trying to play Emily Post Wedding Rulebook will get you nowhere.

She asked if I got along w her mom and I said yes. The MOMS get along.

That's not the point. She and her mom don't have a good relationship and she doesn't want you there in an intimate setting to witness it. It's not because she thinks you'll get in a fight with her mom. It's because not being close with her mom is already stressful for her and having you there would make it more so.

Again, there is zero rule or norm about future MILs participating in this, so you have no right to anything no matter how good your relationship is.

wow, did you misinterpret.
The Moms get along. My DIL to be and I get along very well.

However, DIL to be has a brother who is married. THAT MOM and DIL's Mom aren't close.
My DIL's to be Mom has expressed to me how glad she is that we're close.

Sorry that "she her DIL mom" wasn't crystal clear to me.

If you were that close she's pick you over her aunt and cousin. She didn't. That's the bottom line here.

And again, this is probably because your future DIL isn't that close with her mom so she doesn't want to add complexity to an already sensitive situation. I know you think you get along with the DIL's mom, but that might be *because* you haven't spent time with her in a more personal situation. Or maybe your DIL' s aunt and cousin are difficult so your DIL doesn't want you to have to see them. Who knows. Bottom line it's her dress and her family and her choice. Not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 sons. I wasn't invited to my first DIL's dress shopping because her aunt bought her dress and they shopped while DIL was on vacation with said aunt.

I was invited when my DIL-to-be went shopping locally. We went to one store where DIL narrowed down her preferences. Her mom, aunt, close friend, and I were there. A few weeks later, just her mom and I went with her to a different store where she ended up choosing her dress.

I love both young women and have great relationships with them and their families.

OP, you still may be asked to go if your DIL-to-be goes to another store that doesn't restrict the number of people who come with her.

you're right.

[Anonymous]

no set rules. but having too many people makes things really hard - even the most well intentioned, kindest group can make things tricky. we put too much stock in wedding planning.

[Anonymous]

this is probably because your future DIL isn't that close with her mom

WHERE are earth are you getting that? They ARE close. We are close. I am close with her Mom.

The people who aren't close - The DIL has a brother. He has a wife. That wife has a mom. That Mom isn't close with DIL to be
Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no set rules. but having too many people makes things really hard - even the most well intentioned, kindest group can make things tricky. we put too much stock in wedding planning.

She actually did invite me and my daughters. However, the bridal store said three only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

this is probably because your future DIL isn't that close with her mom

WHERE are earth are you getting that? They ARE close. We are close. I am close with her Mom.

The people who aren't close - The DIL has a brother. He has a wife. That wife has a mom. That Mom isn't close with DIL to be
Mom.

You wrote this: "She has expressed that this is a welcome change for her because she her DIL mom isn’t close at all." Clear as mud. You have only yourself to blame if people are confused.

Sounds like she didn't choose you over her aunt and cousin. Bummer. Since you're so close, I can only think they are even closer. Or maybe she doesn't want you to see her in her underwear. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is typically invited?
My soon to be DIL invited her mom, mom's sister and her cousin. She has no sisters.
Only three can come with.
I'm slightly bummed but these people have been in her life a lot longer than I have been.

I went once with my mom and once with myself. It never occurred to me to invite others and never crossed my mind that my future MIL would want to come.