Getting rejected then realizing you didn't even like them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about socially, not in romantic relationships, but I guess it could apply there.

Does this ever happen to you? I was making a new friend but she ghosted on me and I immediately realized I didn't even like her particularly. She lives nearby and I'm super social, and that's the main reason we hung out. So I guess she did me a favor.

Am I just rationalizing? I feel like this is me being mature, and if this happened 10 years ago I'd get hung up on it but not now. It's more like a relief. The rejection stings a little but honestly not even that much, I feel like I've got a point where if someone has an issue with me, that's their problem.

Anyone else feel this way?

Not being traumatized by a breakup or the breakdown of a relationship is mature, sure. But telling yourself "Oh, I never really liked them anyway" sounds like a messy headgame. If nothing else, you should probably look at who you spend your time with, and who else you don't really like, so you can better dispense your energy and resources toward relationships that actually matter to you.

[Anonymous]

This hasn't happened to me, but I have done "postmortem" analysis of relationships and realized, after the fact, that I hadn't been happy for a while, or didn't have much in common with the person anymore.

What's more common for me is realizing that the person I thought I liked, was friends with, was dating, etc. wasn't the actual human I was dealing with, but a version of them I held in my mind that ended up being wildly divergent from their actual reality. I tend to grieve the loss of the person I thought I knew, not the actual dead connection.