Getting rejected then realizing you didn't even like them

[Anonymous]

I'm talking about socially, not in romantic relationships, but I guess it could apply there.

Does this ever happen to you? I was making a new friend but she ghosted on me and I immediately realized I didn't even like her particularly. She lives nearby and I'm super social, and that's the main reason we hung out. So I guess she did me a favor.

Am I just rationalizing? I feel like this is me being mature, and if this happened 10 years ago I'd get hung up on it but not now. It's more like a relief. The rejection stings a little but honestly not even that much, I feel like I've got a point where if someone has an issue with me, that's their problem.

Anyone else feel this way?

[Anonymous]

That's a coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about socially, not in romantic relationships, but I guess it could apply there.

Does this ever happen to you? I was making a new friend but she ghosted on me and I immediately realized I didn't even like her particularly. She lives nearby and I'm super social, and that's the main reason we hung out. So I guess she did me a favor.

Am I just rationalizing? I feel like this is me being mature, and if this happened 10 years ago I'd get hung up on it but not now. It's more like a relief. The rejection stings a little but honestly not even that much, I feel like I've got a point where if someone has an issue with me, that's their problem.

Anyone else feel this way?

Men do it all the time. I would reject someone then they change behavior and do anything to get the woman back. Then ghost after they f..k.
Lots of psycho there . I never go back to a man whom I rejected once

[Anonymous]

I tend to like people who like me — they have great taste, after all. And I tend to not like or be indifferent to people who don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about socially, not in romantic relationships, but I guess it could apply there.

Does this ever happen to you? I was making a new friend but she ghosted on me and I immediately realized I didn't even like her particularly. She lives nearby and I'm super social, and that's the main reason we hung out. So I guess she did me a favor.

Am I just rationalizing? I feel like this is me being mature, and if this happened 10 years ago I'd get hung up on it but not now. It's more like a relief. The rejection stings a little but honestly not even that much, I feel like I've got a point where if someone has an issue with me, that's their problem.

Anyone else feel this way?

Men do it all the time. I would reject someone then they change behavior and do anything to get the woman back. Then ghost after they f..k.
Lots of psycho there . I never go back to a man whom I rejected once

Sounds like the opposite of what OP said. She’s not chasing the woman; she’s realizing she doesn’t like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm talking about socially, not in romantic relationships, but I guess it could apply there.

Does this ever happen to you? I was making a new friend but she ghosted on me and I immediately realized I didn't even like her particularly. She lives nearby and I'm super social, and that's the main reason we hung out. So I guess she did me a favor.

Am I just rationalizing? I feel like this is me being mature, and if this happened 10 years ago I'd get hung up on it but not now. It's more like a relief. The rejection stings a little but honestly not even that much, I feel like I've got a point where if someone has an issue with me, that's their problem.

Anyone else feel this way?

Yes, it sounds like you’re rationalizing.

[Anonymous]

Kidding yourself is a really sad way to go through life. Can't you be rejected and deal with it honestly?

[Anonymous]

Men do this all the time.
"Thanks for the coffee, I think we'd be better off as friends"
"Good you stupid f***ing slut, I didn't like you anyways you fat whore"

etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to like people who like me — they have great taste, after all. And I tend to not like or be indifferent to people who don’t.

Well put! I'm the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kidding yourself is a really sad way to go through life. Can't you be rejected and deal with it honestly?

+1 If you "realize after the fact" that you didn't like your potential friend, partner, whatever, you need to analyze why you spent time cultivating the relationship in the first place. Claiming you didn't care or weren't interested after you get rejected is a weak cope.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am curious if you are super social why is this woman on your mind enough to post this and why do you think she ghosted you? I would just move on at this point. Life is too short for this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she realized you didn’t really like her and that she was just a convenient distraction for you and so she didn’t really reject you, just protected herself by walking away from someone who didn’t like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kidding yourself is a really sad way to go through life. Can't you be rejected and deal with it honestly?

+1 If you "realize after the fact" that you didn't like your potential friend, partner, whatever, you need to analyze why you spent time cultivating the relationship in the first place. Claiming you didn't care or weren't interested after you get rejected is a weak cope.

Not OP here, but I have been in the same shoes before. I was abused as a kid t was a long road for me to understand normal relationships and friendships and this was part of the process. When this happened to me this was part of my reflection as to what happened. I would start understanding that I didn’t like and heavily disagreed with some things that person said and probably didn’t have the best reaction to them even though I didn’t verbally say anything, I”m sure my body language conveyed it.

For me, this was the start of owning that instead of trying to please everyone, I got to have a say too in who I hung out with. Now I recognize it earlier and don’t hang out with people if i get that feeling.

All that to say, I disagree that it always comes from a place where you can’t cope with rejection. It depends on how much you are connected to your feelings and insecurities about friendships.

[Anonymous]

That's a great thing!! I think sometimes we are trying to make friends and relationships and we forget that there has to be a spark - so if you feel relief, just go with it, thank her (in your head) for realizing you were not compatible. Be polite moving forward, and be on the lookout for people you ARE compatible with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men do this all the time.
"Thanks for the coffee, I think we'd be better off as friends"
"Good you stupid f***ing slut, I didn't like you anyways you fat whore"

etc.

Obviously women do it as well, as OP states.