5-to-6-year age gap for kids? How was it?

[Anonymous]

I am from a large age gap family (5 and 13 years between my brothers and me) plus have a 10-mo old and 7.5 year old.

Its been harder than I thought it would be because my son is going through some stuff, we've had other life stressors, and my second is already walking. So we are having to pivot a bit quicker with some stuff and we have to be more intentional with our routines/family values.

With that said, they have a beautiful relationship so far. As the eldest daughter I dont remember the rough periods after my siblings arrived but I do remember feeling like a built-in babysitter so we try, and will continue to, let their relationship being as siblings versus a responsibility.

We also have to split a lot more of our time as parents. I see it easing up in 12-18 months when we can do the playground more regularly and keep her occupied at games/events, etc.

[Anonymous]

As with most sibling relationships (IME) it's a lot going to depend on the temperament of the two kids, particularly the older one. The age difference matters less than temperaments.

[Anonymous]

I often felt like the younger one got the short end of the stick, since I was always dragging her to DC1's various events.

^ I felt this way. There are things you can do to change this. Just weighing-in. I'm an adult with a 7, 9 & 11 year age difference from my siblings. At least when older teens are still at home -- make them attend some of the younger one's activities. Cheer-on the young child at their sporting event. Go to their school play. The older ones need to have an idea of who the younger one's friend are, their activities. It all adds-up to knowing them.

The older ones don't just get to be admired

[Anonymous]

I feel like they have a pretty typical sibling relationship and that they love each other and they fight and they play together. Financially it worked out really well because we only have had to pay for preschool one at a time and obviously it's hard to know the future with college but we could potentially not have to pay two college tuitions at the same time either.

I definitely agreed to some extent that the younger kids sometimes gets a little bit of a short end of a stick cuz he gets dragged around the things that his sister is doing. Right now there's a pretty good overlap in activities that interest both of them at 5 and 10 but I can definitely see a future where things that he might enjoy might be too boring for her and vice versa so we'll have to kind of figure that out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As with most sibling relationships (IME) it's a lot going to depend on the temperament of the two kids, particularly the older one. The age difference matters less than temperaments.

Yeah this is the truth about just about every single sibling conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As with most sibling relationships (IME) it's a lot going to depend on the temperament of the two kids, particularly the older one. The age difference matters less than temperaments.

This is true. That said imo 5 to 6 years is the ideal age gap. Close enough that they can still sort of be playmates but enough spacing so they each get their own infancy and toddler hood which imo cuts down on rivalry also enough gap in school to limit comparison.
You do have to make effort to make sure the younger one isn't just dragged along with the older one that they get the chance to develop their own interests.

[Anonymous]

So good that we did it twice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So good that we did it twice!

What’s that like?

[Anonymous]

Mine are 4.5 years apart, but 5 school years. It’s been pretty great. So much easier than having two babies at once; it felt like we can enjoy each step for each child one at a time. I was surprised at how young they started playing together. They’re now in HS and starting MS, and still no complaints.

From a parental perspective, I’m also thankful I’ll have 5 more years with the younger one at home after the older one leaves for college in a couple of years, rather than all my kids leaving within a couple of years. And only pay for one college tuition at once.