Daycare vs. Nanny — Looking for Advice for My 13-Month-Old with Separation Anxiety

[Anonymous]

We had a nanny when my husband was home. Don't let people tell you it won't work, it will. Just keep looking to find someone your daughter clicks with.

[Anonymous]

This is a phase and would probably be a disaster in a daycare. It will take a week or two, but you need to make it clear to the baby that you are not home or available. Either act like you are leaving the house and say goodbye to her (and maybe actuallly leave and then go home in a different door), or make a big deal of saying goodbye to the baby and the nanny leaves with her for the am. Then make a show of "coming home" or the baby coming home. She needs to get used to the idea and have it reinforced that she will see you again. It just sounds like she's never experienced this, and she knows you are at home.

[Anonymous]

Team daycare! Find a good one that is convenient for you. Ease in with some part time days. Your child will adjust.

Especially for a 12 month old who is social, daycare is just a better experience. I am constantly seeing nannies out with charges paying a limited amount of attention to the kid(s). Daycare teachers are getting the kids to walk together and singing songs. And especially is you are both working from home, it will be better for everyone if your baby is out of the house while you are working. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I would stick with a nanny but get a very experienced one or do an in home daycare. Do a phased in approach. A couple hours the first day but for those two hours - you are away. Next day four hours, then six, then the whole day and then you stick with it until she is really comfortable with nanny. Peak separation anxiety age for many kids is 18 months so she may be hitting that a little early and that is why this is a little harder it is just a hard age for it even though it was 100% amazing for her and you that you had that time! It will be an adjustment AND she will get through it. Explain to her. Over and over. Mommy always comes back.

Create a goodbye routine and hello routine with the new nanny. Practice it before the nanny starts over and over. Make a game out of it. For example, when mommy and daddy go to work you’re going to stand on the stool at the window by the stairs and wave to us - you give her a hug then she stands on her special stool and waves to you as you go to your offices.

You will eventually be able to come out, have lunch with her etc - and it will be nice! just not in these initial months during this age.

[Anonymous]

Our child had major separation anxiety until close to 3. We initially tried a small, in-home daycare when he was about five months (which I think for separation anxiety is actually easier than 13 months because they understand less) and it went very poorly. He was there for about 4 weeks and did not adjust well. We then moved on to a nanny, which was better for our family. But, I really had to hide in my own house on the days I worked from home. If he saw me when I came down for coffee, snack, lunch, etc., it made everything much worse for him and the nanny. It's hard because you want to be helpful and you don't want to hear your kid in distress, but it's really important you do not intervene. It's best if your child does not even realize you are home and accessible (which means perhaps you should go elsewhere to work for a period of time). Fwiw, my son's separation anxiety really improved at close to 3. We did a part-time pre-school starting at age 2 and he cried at every single drop-off the entire year (it was so hard), but at 3 he really seemed to turn a corner!