Did you wish you listened to your parents about college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Boomer parents were total idiots about college. Glad I didn't listen to their advice. What advice are you giving?

same. they are generally terrible with all advice

[Anonymous]

My parents were right, I was wrong. I went to a 1500 student suburban public HS. I thought I wanted to go to one of the top remote SLACs as that was how I envisioned college. They thought I would get bored quickly but humored me and let me apply ED. I got deferred and didn't end up getting in. I got into some other very good SLACs but ended up going to a bigger school (though not too big) that was a much better fit.

Ironically, my child thinks they want to go to my school and I think they might be better off at a SLAC because they are coming from a much smaller private HS.

[Anonymous]

I wish I hadn't listened to my parents. They had an unrealistic understanding of how competitive it was and my mother in particular was really fixated on the idea of SLACs being the pinnacle of the college experience. Because her own personality was to be highly academically driven and sit around in small wood-paneled classrooms musing about dense tomes with a professor, completely divorced from economic realities. I ended up pigeon-holed without even really knowing it, but they controlled the purse strings. The idea of a larger university was never really on the table and it was made clear to me that the likes of UMD was a last resort compared to the rarified air Williams, Amherst, etc. Particularly because my cousins had all gone to such schools.

I did fine, but it turned out that I could stay in my shell and under the radar just as well at a SLAC as at a larger school. So I didn't maximize the experience, it cost them 4x what it needed to, and I wonder now what I would have explored at a larger school where there was more available just based on scale.

[Anonymous]

No. I chose the college I wanted and have done fine. I probably would have been fine if I had done what my parents wanted, too. The key is that my parents had raised me such that either option was going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were right, I was wrong. I went to a 1500 student suburban public HS. I thought I wanted to go to one of the top remote SLACs as that was how I envisioned college. They thought I would get bored quickly but humored me and let me apply ED. I got deferred and didn't end up getting in. I got into some other very good SLACs but ended up going to a bigger school (though not too big) that was a much better fit.

Ironically, my child thinks they want to go to my school and I think they might be better off at a SLAC because they are coming from a much smaller private HS.

Small schools are really hard if you don't have a good friend group. A mid to larger school is better. Don't push them to a small school if they don't want it. My parents did and I ended up transfering.

[Anonymous]

My parents gave me very little advice. It was much simpler then. I hand wrote my applications and mailed them in. My mom toured campuses with me, and let me choose the college I loved.

I do give my own child advice. She listens but it’s a very stressful process.

[Anonymous]

My parents went to school overseas and knew nothing about the US system.

Fortunately, DS was very open to discussion about the college choices. He agreed with me on the importance of "bang for the buck". We visited a lot of colleges together, which had value because he disliked some of them immediately for reasons that weren't clear to me. In the end it came down to making an ED choice - he chose well and was accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid listen to you and take your advice about where to go and how to go about the college process?

Mine won’t. I am going to hire a counselor to help with her process next year. It’s that bad. She thinks she knows it all. For the most part, I listened to my parents but that was ages ago; kids reflected on their parent’s advice, finances, and concern more then. You? Your spouse?

I went to college in 1989. Advice received was "cheaper, the better".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents were right, I was wrong. I went to a 1500 student suburban public HS. I thought I wanted to go to one of the top remote SLACs as that was how I envisioned college. They thought I would get bored quickly but humored me and let me apply ED. I got deferred and didn't end up getting in. I got into some other very good SLACs but ended up going to a bigger school (though not too big) that was a much better fit.

Ironically, my child thinks they want to go to my school and I think they might be better off at a SLAC because they are coming from a much smaller private HS.

Small schools are really hard if you don't have a good friend group. A mid to larger school is better. Don't push them to a small school if they don't want it. My parents did and I ended up transfering.

Generally agree. They chose a small private HS over a very good large public (much to the chagrin of my bank account) so have previously expressed an interest in that. Though that is in a big city which is very different than a rural SLAC. The most important thing is that I will let them drive the decision, as long as they have seen the different types of options and are making it for good reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents didn’t want me to go to a school that required loans, but my dream school did, I paid them off quickly after graduation and now make $750k/yr in a job I love so no.

You would have gotten the same job anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Boomer parents were total idiots about college. Glad I didn't listen to their advice. What advice are you giving?

Curious what was bad? Too much pressure? I am a boomer parent and both my kids went to top 25 colleges but we really tried to have them pick the right fit. We did push them to do extra currics and get good grades, but their peer groups were doing the same so it wasn't a big deal. They are a few years out of college now and don't seem to have regrets.

My own parents wouldn't let me apply to a couple of colleges they thought weren't worth the money - including schools like Colby and Conn College. Not really sure why they thought that. I ended up at a SLAC but a more highly ranked one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your kid listen to you and take your advice about where to go and how to go about the college process?

Mine won’t. I am going to hire a counselor to help with her process next year. It’s that bad. She thinks she knows it all. For the most part, I listened to my parents but that was ages ago; kids reflected on their parent’s advice, finances, and concern more then. You? Your spouse?

I am so grateful that I didn’t listen to my parents. They meant well, but has terrible advice based on what they had done out of necessity, not what was possible for me.

DH’s mom has zero advice for him. She was rare in her family for having graduated HS.

[Anonymous]

No. I grew up in Western Pennsylvania and my parents wanted me to go to Pitt or Penn State or the like because that was just what people we knew did. I applied to Harvard with the help of one high school teacher to whom I will be forever grateful. I got in. I would not have the life I do now if I had stayed in PA and gone to Pitt or Penn State or similar like everyone in my parents' circle.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm a bad mother but I limited my DS to schools within about 3-4 hrs from home and schools that would give us the most FA. Nothing else was considered but the sky was not the limit. My limit was appr. $30k per year. He listened because he didn't have a choice. He had 10 schools to apply to (his HS limited them to 10) so we did our homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm a bad mother but I limited my DS to schools within about 3-4 hrs from home and schools that would give us the most FA. Nothing else was considered but the sky was not the limit. My limit was appr. $30k per year. He listened because he didn't have a choice. He had 10 schools to apply to (his HS limited them to 10) so we did our homework.

You are not a bad parent for having a budget. There is nothing wrong with that. If you were a billionaire then I might feel differently but if you were maintaining a budget so that you could still have a roof over your head and food on your table, that is 100% OK.